Stickman Readers' Submissions July 19th, 2006

The Embittered Western Lady

“Real life is full of petty bullshit and egos. It isn’t love that makes the world go around, it isn’t even money. It’s the bullshit. This is not cynicism, it is human nature and it’s the one thing that hasn’t
changed in 10,000 years of recorded history and I wonder if it ever will. There’s also the good part of human nature too of course, the nobility, the charity, the self sacrifice even courage in some cases, and love… love counts too, in
fact it counts a lot, but along with it comes envy, covetousness, greed… all the seven deadly sins” – Tom Clancy ‘The Teeth Of The Tiger’

I was out and about the other day with the missus after meeting her from work somewhere near the Metropolis shopping centre. We were making our way towards the World Trade Centre on our way to do some Saturday afternoon shopping and I needed
to get some money from the bank. So as we made our way along the road, we took a minor detour and made a minor stop at the nearest Kassikornbank that we could find. As I padded on up the steps towards an ATM that was on the left, I noticed that
there was a late thirty(ish) / early forties western woman with short sided scraggy hair wearing a flowing white cotton tropical dress, flip flops and a hippy bag slung across her shoulder getting some money out of the ATM to my right. Now, as
I approached the ATM, the western woman took a quick look over her shoulder to see who it was that was coming to make sure that she wasn’t about to be robbed and I couldn’t help but notice a slight sneer on her lips as she clocked
me asking the wife to ‘just wait there while I go to the ATM and dig out some money’. I stared back at the lady as I approached and as I always tend to do in cases like this, I just gave her a dirty look back, thinking ‘who
the fuck are you looking at’ and then just got on with my task thinking nothing more about t.

He Clinic Bangkok

I took out my card and put it in the slot and started to key in my pin number when I heard a mumble of “bloody disgusting” from my right. I turned my head and looked down the ear of the western woman and couldn’t see
anything untoward going on there and just noticed that she was busy staring at the screen doing what people do at an ATM. So I looked over my shoulder to see if anyone was there instead and all I could see was a busy Soi zipping past and my wife
still standing there in her business attire watching the world go by. So I figured I must have just heard something in the wind and focused my mind on getting my money out when I heard it again: “I hate people like you, it’s bloody
disgusting!” coming from my right hand side. This time, I looked at the woman and said “Excuse me… did you just say something?”

She turned her head and looked at me with battle hardened life weary eyes that some people get after a life time hitting the gin bottle, and out from her weathered walnut face and pursed thin lips, I heard her sneer again; “you people,
you bloody disgust me…”

Slightly taken aback now but intrigued none the less, I look Ms Walnut face up and down (I use Ms because I wouldn’t want to offend the bitter entwisted feminists out there by assuming anything such as innocuous as Miss or Mrs.) and
ask the obvious question that popped into my mind of; “What people are you referring?”

CBD bangkok

Ms Walnut face almost spat at me: “People like YOU! People who come here and take advantage of these poor subservient girls”

I look at her with a mild astonishment and my shoulders sag and I sigh to myself. I think ‘Oh here we go, just my luck to meet a hormone charged lesbian in the middle of her PMT cycle…’

Me: “oh really! People like me eh! Would you like to discuss this rationally or shall we just have a major cat fight here and now?”

I turn towards the ATM and take out my money from the now furiously bleeping ATM machine and pocket part of my cash and my card and turn back and square up towards Ms Walnut face and say quite firmly: “Well?”

wonderland clinic

Now normally I would have just told someone like this to just piss off and have done with it but I felt like being charitable and so was up for the challenge of having a conflab with this erhum woman. Ms Walnut face purses her lips into a
thin red line trying to sum me up and simmers down a little and suggests that we should go and sit down and have a coffee because she feels that it’s her ‘duty’ to educate people like me. I look at the wife and she is staring
back with her forehead crumpled up wondering what on earth is going on and I just tell her to not worry and that we are just going for a drink as this woman has asked for my help. I also hand my wife a couple of thousand baht towards the food
shopping that I know she wants to do later.

So we pick a nearby café and order our drinks and we so begins my education. Fortunately for the wife, we are speaking far too quickly for her to keep up, so she just sits there and takes on a glazed cross eyed look whilst sucking profusely
on her chunky coconut juice through a very large straw…

Me: “Ok, so would you like to elaborate on your comment at the ATM as I am intrigued as to what you are thinking; although I could hazard a guess; why you think people like me are disgusting, especially when you don’t know anything
about me”

Ms Walnut face: “Yes I would. It sickens me when guys like you just come to Asia and take advantage of these poor subservient and delightful girls…” She nods towards the wife as she says this and with a smile that looks like
the beak of an ostrich just before it pecks you, winks encouragingly at the wife. The wife looks up from her cross eyed endeavours to suck a baht sized coconut chunk up her straw and lets her eyes twinkle back, when a little gurgle and ‘bloop’
noise emanates from the top of her straw. I roll my eyes and then refocus back on Ms Walnut head.

Ms Walnut face continues on… “You see these girls have no choice as they all come from poor farming families and I just don’t like to see western guys coming here and then paying for these poor unfortunate ladies and taking
advantage. I ‘knew’ you were going to pay for her from the ATM funds and I was right because I saw you just hand her a few thousand baht. It’s just so degrading, so disgusting!”

I realise that she probably hasn’t twigged on that this is my wife she is referring to…

Me: “Errrr actually…”

Ms Walnut face: “I know your girl is an office worker by the way she is dressed but she isn’t for rent you know. She has a heart and should be treated with more respect. You shouldn’t be paying for her ‘services’
or for her to be with you either…”

She looks at the wife and says: “don’t you dear?”

My wife: “huh! Arai na?”

Ms Walnut face: [speaking slowly and loudly] “YOU WANT TO BE LOVED AND HAVE ROMANCE IN YOUR LIFE DON’T YOU DEAR?”

My wife nods and gives me a big smile and lets out a little shy giggle as she loves romantic novels, comedies and all that sickening stuff that men tend to say ‘blurgh!’ at.

I look at the wife and then roll my eyes towards the sky again and try not to laugh out loud and instead stifle down a snort that was threatening to come down my left nostril. I take a quick suck on my iced coffee to keep myself in check.

“Hmmmm ok, go on…” I say

Ms Walnut face continues… “Do you know how many women back in the west are being left holding the baby and being stranded because guys like you are leaving them and going to the sex bars here in Thailand to fall in love with these
Thai women?”

Me: “Errrr actually…”

Ms Walnut face: “Where is your sense of responsibility to the family you left at home? I mean, you must be nearing forty, I bet you left a woman back home to be with her didn’t you?” She nods back towards the wife again.

Me: “Errrr actually…”

I furrow my brow and I consider what she is saying and also the very presumptuous nature of her comments. I also think about the recent submission on Stickman ‘The final straw’ from the lady who was complaining about how her
husband had left her and the kids to be with a Thai bar girl and how unfair it all was.

Ms Walnut face: “Don’t deny it. Guys like you do this all the time… it’s just so disgusting. You are only here because you couldn’t cut it back home and because you wanted a subservient lady on your arm to take
advantage of…”

Me: “Hmmmm… do you mind if I say something now?”

Ms Walnut face: [pursing her thin lips again] “okay…”

Me: “Well there are some major presumptions going on here, but let me just to fill you in [Boy did I want to fill her in with a good thrashing]. First I am 39 ½…” [The half is important to me now just like it was when
I was 6 years old] “…and although my age is not important to the debate here, I would like to point out that I was never married back in the west, so noooo I didn’t leave anything or anyone behind, quite the contrary in fact. I
also don’t do the bars and I also don’t pay for sex in any shape or form, at least not directly. But let me ask you, because this is important, do you honestly believe that women are the only victims back home in the west? Surely
to god you concur that relationships are a two way street and that men back home are also stomped on by western women who go off with the milkman and who stop men from seeing their kids whilst fleecing them of their pension, to snaring them with
CSA payments and half their income, possessions and house. Please tell me you do have a balanced view on this because I would hate for us to have to argue on the mute point…”

Ms Walnut face: “Well that’s your opinion as a man; but women are the weaker sex and they cannot cope like men can when a man is not around or when he runs off with another woman…”

Me: [Biting my lip] “Erm um err okay, so all these poor guys who are emotionally wrecked by being taken to the cleaners after losing their wife, home, kids and all their possessions and who then end up on the shores of Thailand are
coping better because they are men and have the pick of the subservient Thai females here. Jeez I thought I had heard it all…”

Ms Walnut face looks at me impassively and waits for me to continue…

Me: “ok then, let me ask you something else, why do you think I gave this fine lady here the two thousand baht?”

Ms Walnut face: “I don’t know, I guess it was her daily payment to be with you. That’s what people like you do isn’t it?”

Me: [exasperated] “Oh for fucks sake… People like me huh!”

I turn to the wife and say: “Honey, hold up your left hand and show Ms Walnu… the erm um ‘lady’ your jewellery will you”

The wife always proud to show off her wedding ring and engagement ring to all and sundry sticks her left hand out for inspection.

Ms Walnut face looks down at my wife’s hand and says: “oh!”

I shake my head and look at Ms Walnut face and say: “You know, I often wonder why it is that people change so much as they grow old and get so bitter and sour, particularly you women?”

Ms Walnut face goes to say something but decides to keep her mouth shut instead because I give her a sturdy glare.

Me: “Look, I know your intentions are probably good, but you shouldn’t be so bloody presumptuous and categorise us all into one big sexpat box. How would you feel if I said that all western women are promiscuous slags and those
that aren’t are all clit sucking lesbians… it’s just plain bloody silly but what’s good for the goose would also be good for the gander right? Tell you what; would you like me to tell you ‘why’ western men
come to the East to be with Asian women?”

Ms Walnut face feeling a little sheepish says: “Not really because I can probably guess your answer, and I’m sure sex has something to do with it …”

Me: “Oh you may be surprised but you are probably not far wrong either, but please humour me…”

Ms Walnut face: “Ok…”

I decide to recall a paragraph from a book called ‘Noble House’, by James Clavell where he gave a very good reason from a Chinese man's point of view of why men desire younger ladies and particularly Asian ones. So I dipped
into my memory banks and this is what I told her.

“Well, it’s all down to one thing and one thing only. Men and women age differently. I know it’s unfair but like it or not it’s an immortal fact. A woman sees the lines beginning and the sagging beginning and the
skin no longer feels fresh and firm to her, yet she wonders why her man’s face is still fine and sought after. Oh she will try all the creams and cosmetics that she can, but just look around you, it's no great secret that men do tend
to grow older far more gracefully than women do. Even here in Thailand it's pretty much known that many women beyond 40 don’t bother having sex with their man and that things such as a Mia Noi (minor wife) is often encouraged
and in some cases revered as giving a man extra status. Yeah, ok many men do get pot bellies but I am talking features here, besides look at a lot of the western women these days, they have far greater pot bellies than the men do and aren’t
ashamed to let it all hang out either. So it’s inevitable that when a woman sees the lovely dolly birds of Asia being as alluring as they are, that she is going to become petrified that she will lose her man to them eventually and it’s
an inevitable fact that indeed he will eventually leave her. Why? Well he will get bored with her carping and the self-fed agony of her self mutilations and also because of his inbuilt irrefutable urge towards wanting someone more youthful. There’s
no better aphrodisiac in the world like a young 18 to 25 year old lady… none, none, none! The yang needs the yin juices and the younger lady and her juices are essential to extend the life of the older man. Consider this, the older a male stalk
becomes, the more it needs a youthful enthusiasm and a constant change to perform exuberantly, and believe me the more the merrier.

Why do you think so many men have a mid life crisis? But please don’t look down on this because I can assure you that the Asian women know this far better than anyone and they ‘actively’ go out looking for an older man.
If you don’t believe me, go onto as a pretend man who is 45 years old and put any old photo of a guy on there and see how many Filipino girls in the 18 to 24 age bracket come pinging you. Believe me you won’t be

But also believe me, that here in Asia, especially for the older man, the beauteous box that rests between their thighs, peerless though it is, delectable, delicious, unearthly, sweet and oh so satisfying as it is, we also know that it is
also a trap, an ambush, a torture chamber and a man’s coffin. Believe me, these innocent poor sweet ladies are not quite as naïve as you make them out to be.

But how marvellous and strange the gods are eh? They grant man a heaven here on earth but it can also be a living hell for him too. I mean how bad it must be for a man to be with an old weathered crone in the west and not being able to get
his one-eyed monk up to enter paradise, to crave the greedy gully until it eats him up… how very sad for him and yet out here he gets revitalised in oh so many ways.

Personally, I think it must be pretty difficult for women, particularly those in the west today, who have to face the trauma of growing old and facing the inevitability of it happening at such an early age too of around 40. Fashion, like
it or not demands it and as much as you try to grasp onto eternal youth, neither god nor devil nor surgeon can give it back to you. You cannot be twenty five when you are 35, nor have a 35 year old youthfulness when you are 45 and so on and on…
I know it’s unfair, but it’s also a fact and nothing you can say or do will ever change that.”

Ms Walnut face looks at me and sighs. She has also gone incredibly quiet. I think she has realised that there is simply no point arguing anymore and I didn’t especially want to have to point out the truth of her walnut features either
to press the point home. I also wonder if her bitterness is borne from the fact that she is here in Asia and has absolutely no chance of getting a date never mind getting a good lay and I sort of feel sorry for her and also her bitterness. She
smiles and says lamely: “See I told you sex had something to do with it…”

I look down at the table and grin and I realise that the time is probably right for me to wrap things up and get on with my life. I take the wife’s hand and give it a little squeeze and as we stand up I turn to Ms Walnut face one last
time and say “Thanks for the coffee”. We turn our backs and we start walking off as quickly as we can…

Ms Walnut face: “But I didn’t say I would pay…”

But it was too late. My youthful wife and I had already skipped off merrily up the road, her with her yin, me with my vibrant yang and the embittered woman feeling even bitterer at being left with the Tab. Silly old bint.

Stickman's thoughts:

You're a patient guy. I would have told her what I thought of her at the cash machine!

nana plaza