Readers' Submissions

Confession is Good For the Soul

  • Written by BKKSteve
  • July 24th, 2006
  • 14 min read


By BKKSW

I’ve been wanting to write a post of this sort for a long time but frankly I couldn’t figure out how to do it without being overly negative. I’m pretty much a “say it like it is” sort of guy and I can do this through observation but without judgment in most cases. Still, often people think I’m judging them and no one ‘likes’ to be judged so as a rule I stay away from the really negative stuff and replace it with factual observations simply stated. At least that’s my goal. I’ve learned that no matter how nice you try to state an observation, how considerate, how “politically correct”, and as non-confrontational as possible.. there will be those who take it as if you’re directly attacking them, their family, and somehow their mother. Once you rub someone the wrong way rationality goes out the window and bad intentions are seen in every word and sentence and monsters under every bed. So, normally I satisfy my urge to make these observations in the nicest way I know how (I don’t claim to be an expert in this technique) and in the most clinical or “matter of fact” way I know how. My point is I try to not upset others, judge them in public and not too harshly in private, and I really believe in the “live and let live” mantra as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. Where am I going with this? This isn’t going to be one of those times. I’m not going to be intentionally mean but I’m not going to sugarcoat what I have to say either. I’m going to say what’s on my mind and not pull any punches and if that upsets someone then too bad. I’m not trying to hurt anyone but I realize it happens despite the best intentions. What I’m trying to do is be very pointed and direct about a couple of recent submissions and perhaps in the process I’m going to be somewhat judgmental because I think the writers of these submissions warrant the criticism. Enough of that.

The post “The Final Straw” by a woman (maybe it’s a woman, or maybe just a writer of fiction) who claims her husband has left her for “the charms of a bar girl” and desires that the governments of our countries get together with the Thailand Government and create laws to prevent such things from happening. After reading her post I can certainly understand the current state of her relationship, though there are always two sides. But let’s flag down the waitress while we talk and order a few helpings of perspective. LAWS TO PREVENT MEN FROM FALLING FOR WOMEN FROM OTHER COUNTRIES??? Now, I’m not a big fan of the U.N. as they are probably one of the most useless and wasteful organizations (not to mention their workers and peacekeepers have spread AIDS/HIV and exploited hungry women for sexual favors in several countries in the very recent past) in their current form that I can think of. The concept is sound and I love the original motivation, but the leadership is corrupt and this has hurt many people, wasted a ton of money, and because it’s all we have in the way of a world body it hurts us all the more. HOWEVER, we have genocide going on in several countries, unrest and people blowing themselves up in the Mid-East, people dying from starvation and preventable diseases across the world, and many other examples of where our governments should really be concentrating their energies than becoming involved in the bedroom activities of their members citizens! Just what the hell was this lady thinking?

Yes, she’s hurt, she’s worried, and financially and emotionally drained. I can sympathize with her on this. But “laws in Thailand” to prevent relationships? This kind of thinking couldn’t be more selfish and egocentric if that was the original intent. When I read something like this I have to ask myself if this is the way this person normally thinks and approaches life? If it is then I can understand why her husband is running as fast as his feet will carry him and finding solace in the arms of a Thai lady, even if he must pay for this comfort by the hour. So to the writer of this piece, is this who you are? Is this the way you normally think and handle your life? If it is then I would seek counseling. Not to get your husband back as it sounds under the bridge by now, but rather to get help in examining your life and thought patterns to see if you can realize any tangible gains in the quality of your life. Here’s what I mean:

I’m not sure where I read this, maybe on a billboard outside a church or on the Dr. Phil show. But what you need to do in the worst way, is to become the sort of person you yourself would want to be with and eventually marry. You need to work on self improvement and become the sort of woman men really desire and feel comfortable to be with. What do I mean by that? Think about what you enjoy. Would you respect or admire a man who was calling for the passing of laws that restricted a woman’s right to date and fall in love with a man from another country? Or would you think the man damaged goods and perhaps a bit daft? Or, would you respect a man who could come out and admit his failures and mistakes and discuss a plan for self improvement so he doesn’t make the same mistakes twice? Do you want a man with poor grooming standards and who lets his health go to the point of obesity and who doesn’t feel good about himself or enjoy looking in the mirror after dressing for a night on the town? Or would you want a man who takes reasonable care of his grooming and health and knows how to dress appropriately for the occasion? Would you want a man sexually secure with his body and desires and knows what he wants and shows a willingness to put his head where no man has before? Or a man who grits his teeth and clinches his knees together tightly the minute you sit next to him for some intimate pleasures? Lady, become the person you would personally enjoy spending the rest of your life with and men of like mind will beat down your door to share even a moment of your time. Direct your energies away from the insane and impossible and instead towards the useful and attainable. Heck, we’ve all been hurt before and most of us have had to start our lives over as well. But let’s keep things in perspective. I wish you the best in the future.

Moving on. A submission by a poster named “Daddy” complaining because he appeared annoyed or slighted by Stick’s comments at the end of his post. To start I’d like to say I think his comments are very much restrained and pretty much on point “most” of the time. I don’t agree with him 100% of the time, but I think he’s being fair and consistent and he’s always shown a willingness to learn and grow as more information and life’s experiences present themselves. I enjoy the comments and sometimes use them to gauge / compare my own reaction to a submission. I’ll go on record as saying I certainly wouldn’t want to have him stop making the comments nor would I want him to restrain himself any more than he’s already doing. In fact, it might be fun to have Stick really say what he thinks of some posts or perhaps have an alter-ego who’s totally off the wall make some ending comments just to make life interesting. Of course to read every single submission in a timely manner in order to respond to them as their posted takes some uncommon dedication and hard work, something “Daddy” is forgetting when his little feelings are hurt. Wouldn’t it be nice if the readers could “log-in” to the site, perhaps a premium membership with an appropriate fee either in dollars or “submission credits” where they could post follow on comments to submissions in real time and they would appear to the premium members following the original submission? We would certainly get a lot more input on many topics this way and it could be fun as well. And yes, it would be better if Stick could do this for free but bandwidth costs money and the time spent moderating the comments would be significant so a fee I think would be appropriate. This is just an idea I’ve been mulling over for some time as I really do enjoy the submissions, but I think we could get a lot more out of them with a method to submit feedback. Enough of that.. back to “Daddy.”

As I’ve said, I think Stick has been very restrained in his comments regarding Daddy’s submissions and I’m going to tell you why and I’m not going to pull any punches in doing so. When we read submissions there are those which are easy to pick out as genuine and factual, those which are off in fantasy land, those which are probably wishful thinking more than actual experiences, and many more types as we run the gamut of different writers. Most of the time we can tell if someone is embellishing for the sake of entertainment and that’s all well and good. And then there are times when you really think you have some sick puppy who could really benefit from some serious counseling and perhaps even incarceration. “Daddy” strikes me as one of those individuals.

Just the use of the terms “Daddy” and “daughter” in the context of a sexual relationship is suspect if not plain disturbing <Too right. It is highly bloody questionableStick> I’m not talking about the popular terminologies like “come to Daddy” and “she’s my baby” and the other terms that when used in the normal context are harmless and fun. I’m talking about a series of submissions where a writer uses the terms “Daddy” and “daughter” to describe a sexual relationship with all the control and exploitation you’d expect in the most disturbing of relationships. We have the significant age difference, the older person dealing from a position of power and more worldly knowledge, control techniques, and the list goes on. The writer goes on to describe how he controls her, how she tries to counter the control, etc, etc, and you’re left with the very bad taste in your mouth that this writer is actually thinking in the parent / child context where a sexual relationship is taking place along with severe manipulation and control issues using money and the persons welfare as weapons. Not to mention the verbal abuse, admitted physical abuse, some pretty severe name calling, a numbered list of “rules” she must follow, and the list goes on. This “Daddy” is either a rather warped writer of fiction or one self obsessed control freak. I told you I was going to be blunt.

And instead of taking comments like “calling your girlfriend daughter is perturbing” and thinking about WHY that may be to the people who have read what he’s written, he gets annoyed because he didn’t get a “great post” and a “attaboy” for his tales of serial abuse and disturbing behavior. This series is not a “good read” or “entertaining” or “fun as always” or any of the normal comments awarded to normal posts, instead it’s a scary bit of writing that lets the readers look in the very thick window of this writers mind and leaves them wondering if this guy for real and really that disturbed.. or does he just have a knack for turning out some strange brand of fiction? If the latter my hat is off to his talent because to me I’m thinking this guy is real and as bad as his Thai lady might be and as many of the bad things he’s described that she’s done.. she actually seems justified in most of it and we’re still only privy to his side of the story and haven’t heard a single word from her.

I’m sorry, but “Daddy” and others like him (I’d like to think there are no others like him but I try to be a realist) are exactly the reason that the “Embittered Walnut/Western Ladies” in Casanundra’s submission think the way they do and gentlemen she is not alone. There are many more where she came from and I’m sure we all deal with them either here in Thailand or back in the western world a little bit more than occasionally. We get resentful and upset as we and our loved ones get lumped into these terrible stereotypes.. yet “Daddy’s” submissions show us all why.

Perhaps if “Daddy” printed out all his stories and took them to a proper counselor he might get some much needed perspective on his life. I hate to say it, but if his Thai lady ever printed them out and could link them to him.. wow, what fun that would be for family members (his and hers), a divorce court (if they were married), or even a criminal court.

I have no idea what anyone but myself thinks on this subject, but if I was the owner of the site I’d probably respond in the same vein that Stick has while silently hoping it was all fiction. However, now you know what I think on the subject and I’ll admit to my thoughts on this starting from the very first submission from “Daddy” and continuing on to his last with his lack of satisfaction for not getting Kudos for his admitted physical and verbal abuse and controlling ways. ANY mentally healthy man would have distanced himself from such a lady, assuming she actually is as he says, before resorting to such rants and actions or perhaps soon after the first few incidents. But to keep shoveling coal into the boilers is indeed like watching a train wreck in slow motion and cringing in fear for the occupants while hoping the madman engineer driving the train comes to his senses and stops the train before it’s too late.

One more thing. I normally don’t respond to submissions with such targeted language and I resent there being people in the world who made me feel this time it was necessary. I wish I could muster up some logic for apologizing for my rant but I can’t. This guy is over the top, it’s very possible things are much worse than he writes about, and his attitude and actions hurt all of us who enjoy Thailand either for the nightlife, a future marriage, or whatever. Just ask yourself how a Thai man would feel reading his submissions and what might his reactions be in a moment of drunken rage or a misunderstanding. It’s just not the western world we have to worry about with such stereotypes about Thai women and

the men who have relationships with them, but also the Thai world and how they feel about us as well. Too many westerners diving off hi-rise balconies this year? Perhaps there’s an explanation. In general I love Thailand and the Thai people and yes I still complain about things as much or more than the next guy. But just as I complain in my submissions about the Thai system and the relatively minor hassles of day to day life, I’ll also complain about such obvious abuse and degradation in submissions of the likes of “Daddy’s.”

Until next time…

Stickman's thoughts:

I suspect a lot of people are nodding in agreement with you.