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The Ultimatum



I suppose it was kind of inevitable really. Last week it finally happened.

The wife, at last had had her fill of my philandering ways and read me the riot act. This was swiftly followed by an ultimatum, which basically was a demand that I stop playing around immediately or I could find somewhere else to live.

At the same time and in a quite separate incident, one of my favourite comfort providers let me know that she had actually fallen in love me. This one, I was not expecting and for a man not easily surprised, this one came right out of the blue.

Sheeze, it never rains….

As we all know, nothing is ever quite what it seems in Thailand so instead of making any snap decisions under pressure, I decided to take a step back and look at the big picture. I would respond in a calm and considered manner. But first, I needed to gather my thoughts and get in touch with my feelings. For this I needed some space.

So I took myself off to Pattaya for a couple of days and booked myself in to that renowned island of tranquility, The Penthouse Hotel. I planned to clear my head, analyse my predicament and formulate a plan for my future. I would respond to the wife’s ultimatum in a calm and measured way. I might also respond to Fon’s declaration of love in a similar manner.

But first, if I really was on the threshold of a dramatic change of lifestyle, there was going to be some drinking and some women. After all, this might be the last time. Or maybe, depending on the outcome of my deliberations, the start of a regular routine. Either way, I was going to explore Sin City by the sea for a couple of days. This would either be a swan song or a recky to map out what might become familiar territory.

So I milled around a bit but it is fairly quiet in Pattaya at this time of year. The other problem is, it’s a bit like being in a Chinese restaurant. There are seven hundred dishes on the menu and you just can’t decide what you fancy.

San Mig Light. I decided to have one of those first. I’d get to the entrees later.

Well of course one drink led to another and one bar blended into the next and pretty soon I was well on the way to accomplishing phase one of my mission. That was the beer part.

I skulked around some of the more popular go-go bars and chatted to some of the girls but it wasn’t really happening for me so by about one o’clock in the morning I found myself drifting back to towards Soi Pattayaland 2, shit-faced and tart-less.

About that time of day in Pattaya the whole place starts to look like it’s closing down for the night. I knew this could not be so and upon closer inspection you can see that although the lights are out, many of the beer bars are still open for business. It was one of these that I stumbled across not far from my hotel. I sat down for one last beer before calling it a night.

That’s when I met Pern. She was working behind the bar and there were three other ‘hostess’ type girls sitting around looking bored. Pern had that “I’m the boss” heir of responsibility about her but upon closer analysis it transpired that she was just another hostess / employee. I asked what time the bar would close as I was the only customer and there didn’t seem much chance that this was going to change tonight. Pern shrugged and said, “When the boss comes down”.

Presently, the boss did come down. This was an attractive woman of about thirty who had in tow one of those horrible creatures you see in Thailand from time to time. A person of indeterminate gender who had spikey red hair, pierced eyebrows and blue lipstick. They were a couple apparently.

I decided that witnessing this kind of thing was not helping with my personal dilemma, so I finished my beer and went to bed.

The next morning, I should by now have come to my senses and depending on your point of view, maybe I had. Instead of packing up and heading for Bangkok to soothe things over with the misses, I found myself at the Penthouse reception desk asking to extend my stay for one more night. If they had been fully booked, I would have gone home but no, there was plenty of room.

In what is fast becoming a routine event, I headed off to Mike Shopping Mall to buy a new shirt and a pair of shorts. Long duds and a business shirt just don’t cut it in daytime Pattaya.

That done, I began to feel like I was actually on holiday and despite my personal circumstances, I started to feel quite happy. Perhaps I was still feeling the effects of the San Mig Light so before that started to wear off, I decided to send in some reinforcements and stopped for a drink.

Some hours later I had visited a couple of the go-go bars that are open in the afternoon and wound up in the Kitten Club about five o’clock feeling no pain. Incredibly, I still had not met a person of the female persuasion that I considered worthy. A strange day indeed.

Later and after having recharged my batteries with a kip and a bite to eat I found myself in the FLB Bar on Walking Street. For a very peculiar reason, I barfined Sai. We agreed she would be my tour guide for the evening. Not that I needed a guide, but I suppose some drinking company was better than none, so the lovely Sai escorted me around some of Pattaya’s high spots and low spots. And in one of these, we came across the delicious and very naked Lek. I barfined her too and after she had put some clothes on, the three of us headed off to the Blues Factory.

Sai was contracted to provide guide services only. We both knew that but Lek had been recruited for the coalface shift and she knew that. The evening was looking better.

Sometime after midnight we returned to The Penthouse and we probably did something you’re not supposed to do. Let me explain.

On the second floor of the Penthouse is a swimming pool with artificial waterfalls and swings and other toys. I have never seen anyone use these facilities before. I invited Lek to join me in the swimming pool ‘au naturel’ and she readily agreed. We splashed around in there alone for an hour or so completely uninterrupted. I did notice a large dark mirror in one corner of the pool room which I guess was a two-way mirror and no doubt we were providing some entertainment for whoever was watching. I’ll have to ask about that the next I’m there. Maybe I’ll get a discount.

Anyway, I spent most of the next day with Lek and she took me back to her room in the afternoon. By late afternoon, I had come to my decision about my future life in Thailand. I would go back to my wife and beg for her forgiveness, swear on a stack of bibles that I will mend my evil ways and be a model husband from now on. I was of course, assuming that this option was still on the table.

I wished the lovely Lek well, paid up and drove off to Bangkok. Just as a precaution I gave Lek my phone number and she of course had mine. On the way, I phoned Fon and told her that I was flattered but my future happiness lay with my wife and not her. She should forget about me and move on. There. Decisions made. Nothing too difficult about any of that. Chapter closed.

That evening I had a serious chat with the misses and she accepted my new leaf as being well and truly turned over. Talk about sand and Arabs….

That brought us to Saturday evening.

By Monday night Fon had called my mobile no less than fifteen times and Lek from Pattaya had also called about five times. I decided not to answer. At one point, the ‘missed calls’ screen on my phone looked like this :-

Fon
Fon
Lek
Fon
Fon
Fon
Lek
Fon
Fon
Lek

I’m being strong though. So far, I haven’t returned their calls and I am trying to just say ‘No’.

Union Hill


Stickman's thoughts:

If there is one contributor who ALWAYS gives us a good read, it is Union Hill.