Stickman Readers' Submissions June 7th, 2006

How I Got Jettisoned By A Thai

What? A farang jettisoned in Thailand? Impossible. How could that happen in the land of plenty where even the fattest farang stands at the top of the food chain? It seems easier to win the lottery than for something like this to happen. So how does a
Thai girl do it?

As a single guy pushing 40 and living in Thailand, I’ve had the pleasure to meet many a Thai lady. But bangin’ 23 year olds eventually lost its pleasure as my desire for something more meaningful surfaced in my veins. Many experienced
hunters know that the bars are no place to meet marriage material (no offense to those less experienced). I needed a new hunting ground. After reading some great stories from Statler & Waldorf (God bless him), the Internet scene looked like
a great place to explore uncharted time and space. Entertaining if nothing else. Even if I can’t find a wife, I just had to spin the wheel.

mens clinic bangkok

Lady X was a cute Chinese type that from her photo looked pretty good. We agreed over the phone to meet for a drink, but when she asked me where, I simply replied, “lets decide when you get here.” Sometimes I just like to play
things by ear. Her response was, “Oh, so if you don’t like me when you see me, you can change your mind and say that you are sick.” She wasn’t joking about this, she sounded serious. Humm.

She picks me up at my apartment in this 3-series BMW and dressed to wake the dead. She looked hot. But when I see Thais driving cars that even I cannot afford in America, I get suspicious. I still don’t know what she did for a living….
something about freelance?

This was not your typical Thai girl. Let’s just say, not your typical Thai at all. She was the replica of a Type A white girl in a Thai body. I did my best to keep my manners as she continued to shoot her mouth off about how bad foreigners
are and why is it that she cannot find a good man in Thailand. She then continues with, “You don’t like me, do you? I can tell. I think after tonight you won’t see me again.”

Now as I was starting to lose interest in this fireball, she then said something interesting.

“I want to tell you something. I have a baby. He is four. I don’t know where the father is. Does that bother you? What do you think of me now? I just want to be honest and get things out in the open. I don’t want to lie
to you about who I am or my personality. I want to be myself.”

Bingo! Be ourselves. Perfect. What was I thinking? I don’t need to look at this as a date. This is a night out for casual fun and conversation. You know – say whatever is on our minds, philosophize, shoot-the-shit. Now I am ready for
a good night on the town.

We get into Hollywood on Rachadapisek Rd and then I get the…

wonderland clinic

”I look fat, don’t I? Am I dressed like a prostitute? Everyone here sees me with you and thinks I am a prostitute. Look at me. Why can’t I find a good man? Why?”

She then picks up the Johnny Walker Red Label (she only drinks black). “Red? This is red?” Humm, I’m thinking. “Yeah.”

At this point, I decide it is better for me to watch the band before I say something I shouldn’t. But then I remember, be ourselves! What was I thinking? The conversation went something like this:

Lady X: “Maybe I should just go to Singapore. There are no good men in Thailand. Singapore has more of a business community.”

Me: “Singapore has plenty of traveling businessmen who are looking for fun and sex, the same as Thailand.”

Lady X: “Well, I can charge them for my time with them for dinner and drinks. If they want more…then NO.”

Me: “Let me know how that works for you.”

Me: “I personally would never marry a woman before we have sex. I don’t want to get married and then find out the sex is bad.”

Me: “I even stopped dating someone for that very reason. We are good friends now. But we cannot be girlfriend or boyfriend.”

Lady X: “You did that??!! Oh, I don’t want to talk to you.”

Me: “Hey, if you want to understand men, then you should realize that sex is important to men in a relationship. That’s why so many Thai men have mia nois (mistresses) when the sex is bad.”

At this point, she opens her bag and begins to fiddle with her phone (we all know what this means). She said she needed to make a phone call and walks to the door. After about 10 minutes, she returns. Not a word. Then without hesitation,
she says, “I need to go to the toilet.” She gets up and walks across the room, disappearing into the crowd. Silly her, the toilet was only 20 yards behind us. After 20 minutes, it was obvious – she was gone! Got in her car, and left
me there!! No goodbye, no sorry it didn’t work out. Nothing. She slipped into the crowd and left me.

Now, being the vindictive man that I am, I wasn’t about to just let it go. Why should I? I will give the shirt off my back to someone in need; but to someone who treats a good man badly, karma should get you. I know this is not the
“polite” Thai way of ignoring issues…but hey! So I picked up my phone and sent a simple SMS:

“Thank you for leaving me. You are not a good woman. Good luck to you. I’ve found some good women here already.”

At this point a rather large group of beautiful local Thai girls moves up to the table next to me. Unfortunately after what happened to me, I just wanted to leave. My ego had been bruised. I was irritated. I’m not having fun anymore.

But as I came to my senses I slowly lifted my glass, gently turned to beautiful Ms. Hollywood standing to my left, and spoke the word of all words; the word of the prophets, the word that echoes through Thailand and brings peace to us all.
”Chok dee krup!”

Now I must end this story quickly. Ms. Hollywood is on her way to my apartment….


Wow, it sounds like you two really pissed each other off!

nana plaza