Stickman Readers' Submissions June 5th, 2006

Catch Me If You Can

I am kind of in shock. I was dating a girl for quite some time now and she came across as very genuine, really I don’t know if anyone in this country who could present herself more decently. I am no fool anymore, believe me. All the signals very positive that she is not flirting or sleeping around, whatsoever. But I still remained skeptical, even though she told me a million times she would only date me and she would take our relationship seriously. I never asked her for anything like that, I thought, well let’s see. I had a cold shower once in Thailand and I am quite committed not to get another one.

I did not think she was the perfect girl for me, even though she was young and very pretty. The problem with her was and with most people here – she was quite shallow. Mostly she would talk about her new clothes, or when and how she changed make up and what make up I would prefer on her. In a way sweet, in another way a bit tiring. But I really like her, despite her being so skin deep, despite our relationship going nowhere, at least not to a higher level. Everybody has a certain weakness. But I told her several times to get a younger guy, preferably Thai, but she turned out to be very stubborn and was just glued to me. What I really liked about her was her integrity. I thought that was worth much more than a clever conversation.

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One of my friends said to go on a certain dating website called (or something like that, I am not putting it on a silver plate here) and check it out. First I told my friend that I am kind of tired of the dating website games, for some reason I did enter the said website today and I found that it was very popular among young Bangkok University students, it even has University groups and networks. An absolute cockaigne so to say. The girls were stunning, I must say and if my dating calendar has some empty spaces in the future I will know where to go. Then I saw a feature that you could see who of your Yahoo or Hotmail contacts were already on this site. There were 20 or 30 of my Thai ‘friends’ already on it. That was the next shock. Then I had a stupid idea: Just for a laugh I tried my girlfriend's name. Bling. There she was. Her profile said: Open relationship (she learned this expression from me, see how it backfires if you teach these girls something, they always remember the wrong things, haha). Everybody was invited to add her on their msn and yahoo contact lists. Both her addresses were up for grabs. Then I noticed her photo. It was very nice. Why was it so nice? Because I took it. She looks anyway like some kind of model and of course her feedback from guys was unbelievable. She seemed to have quite a taste for handsome guys, I thought they were quite good looking. She must have been there quite often, because she borrowed a CD last week and she featured the band as her favorite band. She did not know the group before she borrowed my CD.

What did I think when I saw it? Of course I was shocked a bit. I did not feel sorry for myself, no, come on. I just thought, if someone ever is going to meet a genuine Thai girl, it’s her. But then, what the hell is she doing on that website with her contacts on display? For me, we all know that I am not a saint, but while dating her, I really tried to pull myself together. Was it worth it? Well that is the mother of all questions here. You meet a girl. You like her. You stay away from all other girls for her. Fine. That is how it should be. But… will she also stay away from dating other guys? Would she put her contact details on display on a very popular website and would she have hundreds of guys added as ‘friends’? Would she like to get intimate comments like ‘Would really like to meet you again’ etc? I guess not, but then I might be too conservative.

I just sent her a message tonight. I said ‘oho so you are in an open relationship lor’. It took her 2 seconds to call back. Here is what she said: “If you don’t trust me, good night.” And she hung up the phone. She sounded quite angry, not guilty like one would expect. <So she has no respect for you or the relationship and that is a clear signal that one should walk away there and thenStick>

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Actually that could be the end of the story, but then you know, life is more complicated than this. The next day she apologized and claimed that she did not date anyone except me. She told me that I could contact anyone I wanted to see if she was telling the truth. This is Thailand: All the evidence speaks against the girl, but then, you still can’t figure out the truth, because all you see is a light fog of how things might have been, or not. Maybe she did date someone there, maybe she did not. To be honest, I think she did not. Call me crazy or naïve, I think she just wanted to see if she was still attractive or maybe she just was flirting a bit, something like that. But believe me, it is irrelevant if she slept with someone or not. For my part: I told her that I trusted her 100% and opened at the same time my own account on that website, also adding my MSN address. Unfortunately she did not take any pictures of me. But if she will do it once, then they will surely go right on this website.

And if she catches me there? I will say sorry honey, but I am just on there to make friends, I would never cheat on you. You can go through all my contacts (after I deleted the incriminating ones) and believe me, I love only you.

Stickman's thoughts:

A girl like this is not suitable for a serious relationship at this point in time.

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