Stickman Readers' Submissions June 1st, 2006

A Quick Reply To The JP Thai Girl

By So What

Let’s start with Stickman’s comment on that submission. He said:

He Clinic Bangkok

“For your info, many of the guys on ThailandFriends started off in the naughty bars… Really, it's true.”

Really it’s true. I ask: Who did not start in the naughty bars? I remember reading even Stickman used to hang around there, because he did not know where else to go. Flag down a taxi in the evening, pretend you are new in town. Say you want to go out. Guess where will the driver take you? Two options. Either he will take you to one of the massage parlors where he gets a commission or he will take you to Patpong. In any case, he will return back home after work to his family and you know what he will say to them? The ‘Farang’ always want prostitutes. Patpong is the Eiffel Tower of Bangkok. If you have not been there, you have not seen Bangkok. That was short and sweet I think. Of course, if you hang around Patpong for the next ten years, that is another problem. But when you are new in Bangkok, there is surely nothing wrong with testing a bargirl. It’s part of the Bangkok experience, but it should not be a long term solution. A new Foreigner in Bangkok has difficulties to find a normal girl, because the prostitutes are everywhere. Is that also the fault of the Foreigners? If you ask the Thais, they would say yes it is. We take the blame for everything what is wrong with this country anyway. Go to the Hard Rock café, go to Q Bar. Go wherever you like and you find freelancers. Of course there are normal girls around, but how can you see the difference if you are new? So you decide to look online for girls. You assume, they should be okay. Wrong. Many girls on TF are just out to have a Foreign sponsor. Until they find one, they entertain themselves with lots of foreign guys. I don’t know how many Foreign guys an average TF girl has dated, but I would guess, she goes out at least with one new guy every week. TF is a serial dater website. That is for the guys and the girls. Everybody shags everybody and everybody knows everybody. There is always lots of gossip and if you are a more or less serious person, TF is surely not the place to find a soul mate. Moderators behave like gods and take advantage of their position. Mix business with pleasure, why not? I guess it’s like if you work as bartender, all girls will love you, no matter who you are and what you look like. The same with a TF moderator. I am not sure what is in for a girl like you to become a moderator, but I guess it is a good way to show your muscles. You say that you made genuine friends while you were on TF. Excuse me how is that possible when you are in the States? Have you ever met these people? The other thing you wrote: I came across TF by accident. Of course, we all come to this websites by accident. We don’t really want to know about a dating website, but then, one morning when you started your computer, the website was there. Why not be honest and say that you were feeling lonely? That would be a good start, don’t you think?

Let’s take your submission apart:

CBD bangkok

“The majority of (Stickman) authors here have no clue about Thai culture and mentality. Thailand to them is Pattaya and Patong. Thai people to them are bargirls, pimps, and mamasans. Negativity is thrown around on Stickman by lots of Westerners who can’t get a free lay, yet can’t afford to pay for sex back in their countries, and those who are in false search of happiness and confuse lust for love. Familiar stories about how they ‘fall in love’ with a bargirl after one night of wild sex have been told over and over. Almost all of the submissions by Westerners on here seem to be in along these lines.”

Well did you read the submissions of Frank Visakay, Korski, Hans Meier, Casanundra, Chiang Mai Kelly, Marc Holt, Sick Water Buffalo etc? I don’t think these people fit your assumed Stickman authors profile.

Let’s move on:

“These Western authors on Stickman are not representative of tourists in Thailand, and those girls mentioned on submissions are not representative of us Thai girls either.”

wonderland clinic

I guess you and me live in a different Thailand. Besides, if we authors don’t generalize, there is no discussion possible. Of course there exceptions everywhere, like you, with your amazingly good English. Almost too good to be true… If someone would ask me, I would say you had a ‘Farang’ co-author… Kind of reminds me of one story. I was calling my friend in Europe on Skype. Suddenly I get a message from a Thai girl. I was surprised that many local girls used to message me when I was online. They thought Skype is a dating instrument. Anyway, the girl looked nice and I started to chat with her. She said she was working on Suriwong road. I said, ah I know where it is, next to Patpong. That time I was quite new in Bangkok and I was proud that I somehow knew where she was working. But she went nuts. You know what she said? She said: All you farang you just know Patpong and you think all Thai girls are bargirls. Then she disappeared. Still online on Skype, I get a new instant message from a Westerner. He said he was working with this girl and why I needed to insult all Thai girls… Well I thought it was funny that he wanted to impress that girl by taking sides with her. I just showed him the chat transcript with that girl and it clearly showed that I did not say all Thai girls were bargirls. Anyway, he disappeared as well and since then, nobody I don’t know can send me messages anymore on Skype.

“Let’s face it, many ‘decent’ farangs – expats and the like – don’t acknowledge the existence of Stickman. They don’t waste their time writing submissions. They basically don’t bother. They have better things to do than moaning on Stickman. Only sex tourists (go ahead and call yourself however you’d like) have time to bicker.”

That is maybe a very wrong assumption. You play the old Thai game and divide people in High Class and Low Class. So a CEO would not write a submission here right? Seems like all the time in the US could not heal you from thinking Thai style. Moaning on Stickman's healthy, I can assure you. However, we lo-so authors here are very proud to have a real hi-so Khun Thai Doctor enlightening us with her thoughts and anecdotes.

“I am sorry that you guys have mutual experience about deceit caused by those ladies of the night, whether they’re in disguise or not. (She’s a cashier, yeah right!) But that is NOT to be generalized to ALL Thai girls. It gets me every time when you Westerners speak of us in a plural form. It’s not fair to make those sweeping generalization so stop it!”

I think we will write what we want on this website, but thank you for your input. If you don’t like it, read something else or go golfing.

“For those authors who claimed to be with a straight girl yet she lies and cheats, remember some people lie and some cheat. It’s all about a person and doesn’t have anything to do with nationality, socio-economic status, or educational level. […] I have to admit that Thai people do that a lot.

Didn’t you not first say that it has nothing to do with nationality?

“It doesn’t get to me anymore when what they say is not consistent with what they do. What they say, to them, is not a lie even though it is by a universal definition.”

That means it is a lie for everybody who is not Thai.

“It’s a lot easier to be straight-forward.”

Sorry, it’s not. Being straight forward is a lot harder that lying, I tell you that. You know how many people gone mad at me over the years because I was honest with them? Do you really think, that here in Thailand you can date any girls if you are honest and straight-forward to them? They would simply think that you have lost your mind.

“Why are we so jealous? What’s with our trust in the relationship? Well, Thai view on levels of commitment is different from that of Westerners. Here we’re very casual with the words boyfriend and girlfriend.”

You are not just casual with that. For you it has no deeper meaning. Actually thinking of it, nothing much has a deeper meaning in Thailand. I was on a date with a Chinese girl (not Thai Chinese, a real Chinese) last week and she compared the Thais with butterflies, who just go from flower to flower. Herself she thought of as being a bee. I think you get her point, my English is not good enough for teaching biology on Stickmanbangkok.

“(A girl) learns from her experience that she can’t fully trust the guy at any stage in the relationship. […] It’s plain insecurity that a lot of us learn it the hard way.”

Yes, Thai girls are insecure. Why? Because they know their brain is empty because they only focus on make up and clothes. You know why we Foreigners like to change Thai girls like underwear? Because we don’t find a deeper level of being together with them. I think if the girls would watch the discovery channel instead of MTV and Thai soaps or read a real book instead of the comics, they would have less to fear from their Western boyfriends going with another Thai girl clone. Insecurity is the Thai problem. In the West, you can be what you want. Punk, Ecologist, Nerd, Yuppie whatever. Here in Thailand you only can be Thai. Nothing else is allowed or you will become an outsider. No wonder all the girls are so insecure and worried about their appearance. But here is the catch: If you read books and you are willing to explore new things, if you have a mind of your own, all the things what we Westerners like, then you will be an outsider in your own Thai society.

“It was shocking to me so many Thai girls these days are so eager to jump on a farang.”

The good old days when only prostitutes could go outwit foreigners. I wonder sometimes, where the mixed Thai movie stars come from. But them I am sure all their mothers went to study in America, where they met their Western husbands…

“Try the same thing with younger girls in your country and tell me they don’t do the same as Thai girls.”

They don’t do the same. Again: They don’t do the same. One more time? They don’t do the same.

“How can you ‘love’ someone you cannot communicate with anyways?”

On this one you are right.

Stickman's thoughts:

Spot on!

nana plaza