Stickman Readers' Submissions June 17th, 2006

A Little Bit Of China

By Wine Taster

What do you know, the company decided to send me to China for a few months. Being a petroleum engineer has its benefits. I was given an uplift to my already not too bad US salary, plus per diem and an executive apartment overlooking the city, and a driver
to take me back and forth to work. Thank you, lord.

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Never been to China and the first thing popped into my mind was, you guessed it, do they have bars and bar girls? Do they have an equivalent of the Nana Plaza? Would I have to fly all the way from my work place in Tianjin to Thailand for
boom booms and how far is it? There was also the fear, albeit very slight, of being accused as a CIA spy and get thrown in prison to rot forever but, first thing first, I googgled Tianjin on the availability of women —- Say what? Tianjin is
the prostitution capital of China? No way, could Google be wrong?

It was winter when I arrived and Holy Christ was it cold. Don’t go anywhere near there in the winter I tell you. Tianjin is a huge province about 100 miles south of Beijing, and not too far south of the frozen Mongolian desert. Coming
from the warmer part of the US I definitely didn’t have the right clothes or the blood. Good thing my apartment was fully heated at all times. We are not here to talk about the weather are we? Sorry.

Well, the northern Chinese aren’t exactly the same you might be used to seeing in your local Chinatown. Generally speaking, let’s forget about the men but their young women are tall and slim and sexily dressed. They look so
good and delicious in their tight clothes and high heels and lightened long hair. Their facial features can noticeably be grouped into several varieties and obviously from different parts of this huge country. Some of the women you can fall in
love with instantly, some might need a little getting used to. But all in all, there is definitely something very sexy and unique about many of them. I was falling in love every two minutes.

Since China is taking its big leap forward economically and skyscrapers are popping up like there is no tomorrow, foreigner such as Aussies, Brits, Germans, Russians, Americans, Japanese, etc, are pouring in to grab a share of the pie. This
is the modern day gold rush. If you are lucky enough to get an assignment in China and if you have any concerns as I did before my trip of having a dry spell (you know what I mean) during your assignment, fear not my friends, fear not. I arrived
there, in a strange city with strange language in the heart of winter at -8C, I was able to score the very first week. Since then not a week went by during my six months without taking some sexy young things home, When I say young, I limited them
from 19 to 22, nothing more, nothing less. Man, I am picky at my old age. I have never had so much bedroom activities in my life. By the way, the age of consent in China is a little fuzzy and I heard of 18 or younger depending on what part of
the country — and the penalty is steep if caught. Well, must play it safe and 19 ought to be safe enough. This is not exactly Thailand so I myself would feel ridiculous walking around holding hands with an 18-year old anyway.

Well, before you guys start thinking of a group sex tour to China, forget it. Based on what little I have seen in Tianjin, Beijing and Shanghai, there ain’t no Nana Plaza there. Actions are plentiful but are much milder and very discreet.

Top of the 88-story Jin Mao Tower. Part of Shanghai taken from the Downtown Shanghai at night.

Let me assure you, getting girls are no problem at all whatsoever. The problem might be the food. Not being able to read Chinese will put you again, at a big disadvantage. You can’t read the menus although some of them do have pictures. This northern
people love super hot and spicy foods that are loaded with tear gas quality hot peppers that can melt cast iron within seconds. If you love the hot spicy Thai stuff you will have a ball eating this stuff. Another popular dish is a type of large
ugly prawns that I had never seen anywhere before. I never like peeling prawns and for me it is just not worth the effort. Of course they also have McDonalds and KFCs if you can stomach that stuff on a daily basis. Once a week I make it a point
to visit an American place to have some “comfort food” but they cost as much as in California.

A popular dish, fresh sliced fish I call these the “alien prawns”.

Before I get off the subject of food I must mention their drinks. The Chinese men love to get drunk. Of course the statement is overly generalized but you can see them getting drunk and rowdy in most busy restaurants (fortunately most restaurants have
private rooms). You must understand that many of their business deals are made in fancy restaurants after they are drunk out of their skulls. If you will be sent to China as a salesman you better start training seriously. Besides the popular Tsingtao
beer, there is the oh so popular Biju that they drink in most if not all of their business dinners. It is a moonshine-like drink that has the appearance of vodka and has an alcoholic content of 30 to 52 proofs. Be careful my friends, you being
the stranger super sales guy and they would take turns around the table Gah-bay (bottom up) you until you start acting real dumb and you just might get the contract or lose it. They gave me a going away party a couple of nights before I left and
I damn near threw up after one glass of the 30-proof stuff. I couldn’t sleep that night because of the burning sensation in my stomach and not to mention my head. I couldn’t “do it” with my little sweetheart the night
before I left even with the help of the little blue pill, that Biju is something.

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For some reasons red wine is not popular in the country even though they make some pretty good ones. I am a wine drinker and I think their red wine can compete with any other countries. The typical price is Y35 (US$4.75) a glass in a bar
and they always try to give you no more than half a glass so you would have to tell them to pour more. It only costs a little more than that for a whole bottle from a grocery store.

OK, let’s move on to the serious stuff. Besides the huge skyscrapers and tall apartment buildings and fancy shopping malls and Starbucks, one of the common sights I noticed just about everywhere was the bath houses. The ones in the
big cities are huge with glitzy neon lights looking just like some of the larger massage parlors in Bangkok. Being a stranger I did not want to go in any of them thinking that I would be ripped off for sure. I asked some of the folks in the office
and the response was just inadequate — “People go there to take baths” Yea right. Why? Can’t they bath at home? They either really don’t know or just didn’t want to tell me – a Chinese who is also a foreigner.
Hate to tell you guys but I was getting so much boom booms that I didn’t need to check out the bath houses regardless what they do there. I did check into one during my final week in China solely as an investigative reporter for the purpose
of writing this article for Stick (Stick, you will reimbursed me, right?). I will tell you the result of my “investigation” at the end of this article.

There are also the store-front massage places, with young good looking girls sitting around waiting for business and looking bored. I will also get more into it a little later.

Let’s talk about the bars. There are all different kinds of bars and a lot of them really rock. When I first saw the bars I couldn’t believe that I was in China. Isn’t this some sort of drab and lifeless communist country
where they lock you up for wearing anything other than oversized brown peasant clothes with Mao collars? Man, things sure have changed from the Mao days I guess. By the way, I have never noticed any secret police peeping around street corners
or following anybody.

There are basically four types of bars. The KTV bars, which are the Chinese equivalent of Karaoke bars where one goes to sing or “play” with the hostesses. Many of the bars have Japanese signs out front which should be enough
to tell anyone with half a brain that they are there to rip off the Japanese business men (who seem to enjoy being ripped off worldwide and proud about it) and will rip you off at a heart beat; then the date-bars where young couples go to enjoy
an evening of music and dancing, you can forget about getting anything there; and the hooker bars which unfortunately are few and far in between but again, may be they are not that necessary anyway; and then the tavern-type bars, the kind that
“we” sophisticated Stick readers are most interested in, where guys go to relax and get a drink, play some pool, talk to the young bar girls and hoping to get lucky. Once in a while there are some freelancers hanging around pretending
to be waiting for someone. They are waiting for you, my friends.

Driving in China is worse than in Bangkok. Yes, worse than Bangkok would you believe? This people are crazier than the Thais behind the wheels. They aim to kill. They drive on the wrong side of the streets, pass double solid lines on freeways
getting into the opposite lanes heading directly into on-coming traffics, pass red lights, drive on side walks, cut pedestrians and other cars off regardless of situations, blast their horns indiscriminately, and constantly playing chicken with
other drivers and even pedestrians. By the way, China is known for organ transplants and people from all over the world come to China to replace their organs. Where do they get the organs I often wonder. Another strange thing is I had not seen
one single case of road-rage. If there is an accident, the police play judge and jury on the spot. Not being able to speak the language would definitely put you in a bad situation. My apartment was in a small city south of Tianjin, so, I just
limited my evening activities locally in the city center area and it did not take me long to find the bars with the most actions within a short taxi ride from the apartment.

The bars are quite safe as long as you behave. Many bigger bars do have a bunch of young male workers that appear to be friendly but can easily turn on you like a pack of wolves if you decide to do something stupid. Some bars have big fat
mean looking Mongolian guys as bouncers. Some bars have no “protection” at all whatsoever. However, I have not seen one single fight or anything close to it in six months of bar hopping.

The bars I frequented are all within a mile of a major street downtown. My first week in China I unknowingly walked into this hooker bar after visiting several bars. I caught the eyes of this sexy young thing eating sunflower seeds and before
long we were in my apartment. Price, US$75 for the night, which is about the average price. By the way, the only other hooker bar I know in this part of town is right next door to this one. It is run by a very friendly 35-ish mamasan with good
English and has about a dozen girls. All nice and friendly.

The problem, if you would call it a problem, with the regular bargirls is that you need to work on them. You can’t just take them back to your hotel or apartment like in Thailand. Being in China for a six-month assignment is a lot
different than being in Pattaya on a 6-day vacation, I have the time to work on them and so I did, wholeheartedly. You know you would have to pay one way or another, right? I much prefer paying indirectly. The M.O. is to court them and buy them
goodies and take them to restaurants and get them to like you enough to open up (no pun intended here). It is much more fun and you get the whole GFE package that way. The payoff is tremendous. Get them to fall in love enough to give you their
body and soul. The bad part is sooner or later you would have to break their hearts and move on. But that’s life as long as they are well compensated and your conscience is kind of clear, right? What else is a boy to do?

Sick buffalos? Most of the regular bar girls are too young to play the games but watch out for the older ones, especially the freelancers who for some reasons don’t have to work for a living. After a brief conversation with one of
them you would know that somewhere back there is a foreigner paying through his nose thinking that he has a nice woman sitting home stitching and waiting for his return. I met two of those women. They will pour their sob stories on you once they
think they have you hooked. Yes, even for an experienced old hand like me I ended up giving them much more than I should. Damn that little head when it takes over the thinking.

By the way, I have seen belly dancers in different Chinese cities and they for some reasons are all Caucasian looking. At first I thought they were Gypsies or Russians but, no, I was told by one belly dancer in no uncertain terms that she
is Chinese from western China.

A belly dancer in Beijing

OK, get back to the KTV bars for a second. They are all over the place. Some of them are so huge they are like hotels. There are many legitimate ones where families or friends go to spend some fun time together; but there are also the sleazy ones that
offer a little side actions. You walk in, pick a girl or two, or as many as you want, then into a “private” room where you are supposed to sing to your heart’s delight. Yea right! Most don’t charge directly for the
girl(s), but watch out for the foods and beers. The average price for a bottle of beer in a regular bar is Y30, which is about US$3.75. In a KTV place the price could be several times over. And, to be expected, the girls(s) will drink up a storm
and make you do the same and order all sorts of foods. Every few minutes two or three more cases of beers or bottles of Black Labels will miraculously show up. Simple math. Meanwhile, you can play with the girl(s) and get whatever you can –except
the real thing, sex. Once I was sitting at the front bar of a KTV place and noticed numerous small screens under the bar. Each screen was monitoring the action in a KTV room so you can forget about misbehaving. Even though those girls are gorgeous,
I wouldn’t waste my time in those places when there are so many alternatives.

Let’s talk about the store-front massage places. Again, I checked one out just so I can write this for Stick. The one I visited look small and non-descript and located in the middle of several bars along a street. I walk in, picked
a girl from the half dozen or so who were lounging around, selected the Thai Massage from a menu, yes, a restaurant type menu, and followed the girl upstairs. The place turns out to be big with numerous rooms. She told me to lie on a heated foam
bed, proceeded to wash and scrub me with scalding hot water. I asked if I can touch her, yes. I asked if she would take off her bathing suit, no, not allowed. I asked if we can have sex, no not allowed. I offered extra money, no, not allowed.
She, however, gestured that a hand job is part of the package. Well, suspecting that the room is TV monitored, I behaved and didn’t do anything I wasn’t supposed to. She was a beautiful young girl though. I asked if she can meet
me afterward, no, not allowed but please come back. Smile — smile. Christ, I was in love again. Price for the one-hour action, US$45. Can’t beat it.

A local bath house that takes up an entire block

Yes, I didn’t forget about the bath houses. I was curious for almost six months on what they do and I waited until the final week before I left China to check into one. I have walked by this huge hotel-like place many times. It always seemed to
have several Mercedes or high price cars parking out front, some times with drivers waiting inside. It is no doubt a place for the well-to-do men in the city. I walked into this place and asked the young girls at the counter what they offer. Giggles,
giggles. Yes, stupid question and where does this stupid foreigner come from I can almost hear them saying. They don’t speak English so a guy came over. Showed me a menu with a variety of things. With a combination of hand gestures and
broken English he finally assured me by giving me the thumb up sign that I would enjoy the one he suggested. Yes, he selected the Thai massage for me. I said no, I am in China so I want Chinese massage, he said, no, you will like this. OK. The
menu says Y95 but he said the one he is recommending is Y260 and gave me the thumb-up sign again. What the hell, it is only US$33. So, I followed him upstairs to a place with a glass panel and several girls sitting behind there smiling. Not quite
a Bangkok fish bowl but adequate. I picked the youngest looking one. Then followed her to a room, which no doubt was electronically bugged. On the way to the room I saw huge bars, huge hot tubs, pool tables, men in pajamas relaxing on sofas smoking,
men in pajamas napping, magazine racks, uniformed workers running around, you can spend a whole week here I guess. Guys, I have got to say this. I had a hell of a fantastic massage. She washed me, then oiled me, then licked me all over from neck
to toes. Nothing like the massages I got in Thailand but apparently this is their version of the Thai massage. Wonderful. I asked if I can touch her, yes. I asked if she would take off her clothes, yes. I asked if we could have sex, no, not allowed.
That’s the disappointing part but she gave me the best BJ I can remember ever had. I asked if we can meet outside, no, not allowed but please come back and I am # 821 she said. Oh my god, I felt great. You just don’t see good looking
girls like this roaming around the streets. I am sure that there are some dark sad stories back there somewhere. When the massage was over, she asked if I want a regular massage. Thinking that she was going to do it I said OK. Then she surprised
me by leaving and another girl came in. This one is not as pretty and gave me a good rub down, then asked if I want a hand job. Sorry girl, it just doesn’t seem to cut it after what I just had. One thing though, I didn’t know that
the second girl was a different item on the menu and was extra cost. No big deal, the whole thing only came to less than US$60. Well worth every penny. If I had more time I would have gone back for sure. By the way, when I was getting ready to
leave, I was asked if I want some food and a room to sleep for the night. Thank you but no, I had my little sweet heart waiting for me. Christ, I love this country.

Finally all these activities, booze and the crazy weather got to me. I caught a cough that just wouldn’t go away. My little darling at the time dragged me to a local private hospital. They told me that I needed an IV. I told my little
sweetheart that no damn way they are going to stick needle in me and pump stuff into me because I am in a strange country and IV for coughs? Totally unheard of. The doctor was slightly offended I think but ultimately I gave in after they show
me the sealed original packing of the needle and the medicines, all from Japan; and the sad eyes from the little darling begging me to do it. Four hours a day of IV for four days, in a clean private room with toilet and cable TV, with pretty nurses
in white uniform and beautiful smiles came checking on me every 30-minutes or so, plus my cough medicines, all for US$50. I was cured of the cough on the fifth day. Just the cough syrups they gave me would cost more than $50 in the US. And those
pretty young nurses in white uniforms— oh lord, please let me come back!

Stickman's thoughts:


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