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The Pub On The Edge Of The Universe



It was another boring day at the office with punters on the warpath and suppliers who didn’t give a flying fig if they delivered their products or not. Business as usual, situation normal and I felt a good drink coming on.

I parked the car outside The Hole In One Club on Soi 33 and headed for The Office Bar And Grill. They’ve got some real babes working there and their draught beer is a reasonable price. A cricket match was on the big screen in the corner and whilst I come from the side of the planet that understands this game, I actually find watching it quite boring. Nevertheless, I watched a few overs in between ogling the staff and sinking a few mugs. I prefer to drink in company but I’ll drink alone if I have to.

After a few gargles I decided to move on and drifted into Santana, then The Renoir Club and finally Dali. There is one seriously sexy babe working in Dali. I hadn’t been in there for years but she is worth going back to have a second look. Maybe, she’ll talk to me next time.

I was feeling better by now but none of the places I had been into so far were showing much sign of life. There were very few likeminded punters around and yes, the girls will chat with you but hell you can’t hold meaningful conversations with bargirls. They don’t know anything about the World Cup, Formula 1 or Super 14. I was getting a bit bored explaining for the umpteenth time that London is not in America.

I decided to make the jaunt down to Soi 7. The Biergarten is always busy but this is not a regular haunt of mine. A change is as good as a rest, they say so in I went.

What a place! Such diversity of humankind you will rarely find gathered in one place. All ages and all nationalities are represented here. It was the U.N. of grunge. I swear, if you were an alien you could not be sure that this was a gathering of just one species. There were Europeans, Japanese, South Asians, Arabs and Africans. Deadbeats, alcoholic expats, whoremongering tourists and the odd beacon of respectability who clearly must have been lost.

And the women! Some youngsters, some hardened old crows and every shade in between. Some were made up to the nines, others wore denim skirts and hundred baht tee shirts. All were showing off their assets to the fullest and playing the punters like slot machines. Drinking beer is a side issue here. This is a pussy market.

And Jesus it gets hot in there underneath that corrugated asbestos roof. I mopped the sweat off my forehead and took a seat at one of the small island bars at the back. On a clear day you can see Hell from here, I’m sure.

My beer hadn’t even arrived when Joy from Surin moved in on me with the standard introductory questions and an immediate invitation to take a shower with her at a short time hotel around the corner. That was a bit quick for me but as she was not a complete dog, I didn’t dismiss her or the idea straight off.

Actually, I was quite fascinated watching the comings and goings in this place and in fact Joy was quite a pleasant distraction. She stayed where she was, patiently waiting for me to make my decision regarding her offer. She tossed out gentle reminders from time to time and made sure I noticed her abundant statistics. I decided I’d drink just enough beer to turn her into Vanessa May before committing myself.

Next along came Nok. Joy and Nok were friends and most likely did their hunting in pairs. And speaking of pairs, Nok had a very impressive rack too which was also on display. She was just returning from a short time trick but I wasn’t supposed to know that.

What I did know and could not possibly miss was that both of these girls seemed to be particularly well endowed in the breast department and all four sure looked real enough to me. Scoping the bar again I concluded that big breasted women seemed to be another speciality of the house in the Bier Garten. In the go-go bars, a big round set of jugs is a rare thing indeed.

Nok was a lively one, laughing and joking. I don’t know if this was her real personality or if she was being artificially stimulated. Anyway, she was good fun to be drinking with. It took her less than half an hour to haul in her next catch. She hooked a semi respectable looking farang who was sitting a few stools further down the bar. He must have been German because there was not a lot of preamble to Nok closing this deal. This was business, a cold hard sell. It got me wondering how many times a day these girls get banged. I bet the better looking ones can do four or five tricks a day out of here. Maybe more.

Anyway, Joy was still sitting next to me and she was clearly investing her time in me. She must have been pretty sure I was going to come to my senses and accept her shower proposal. I wondered how the girls figure out who the real punters are and who are the ‘look but don’t touch’ set. Nah, what am I saying? These girls could spot a customer at forty paces in the fog at night. Fifteen hundred baht, short time. Was that too much?

Union Hill

Stickman's thoughts:

You were there in the hot season? You're a brave man. And if it was daylight when you were there, you were REALLY brave – and I am not talking about the heat. The daylight is, shall we say, "less forgiving".