Stickman Readers' Submissions May 13th, 2006

Thai Thoughts And Anecdotes Part 133


Honey you're so smart–

Smarter than I'll ever be.

But I'm still not in line

To dance or drink

With thee.

He Clinic Bangkok

Book learnings good–

Of that I don't doubt.

But love is better . . .

Kiss me or get out.

So take the fancy talk

And the college degree.

And find someone else–

You'll not sleep with me.


CBD bangkok

In the middle of the 19th century an American Shakespeare managed to direct all of his genius on a single point and that point was a novel called Moby Dick. Much could be made of the many layers and meanings and references and philosophical exercises in the book but it can also be read for simple adventure reading and man stuff pleasure. The plot is simple. Previous to the happenings in the book a Captain Ahab had tangled with a great white whale. The whale taking exception to Ahab's intentions (cutting him up into little pieces and rendering him into oil) bit his leg off. So now Captain Ahab is missing a leg. He could have responded to this in a Fair-is-Fair kind of way but he does not. He is angry at the whale. So now we have the book about a great white whale called Moby Dick. A new voyage and Captain Ahab has determined that in addition to discharging his duties to the owners by killing and rendering as many whales as possible he is also going to keep an eye out for Moby Dick. And if he catches him–oh boy, look out.

So what have we got here? Well, we have a great long detailed book that chronicles men doing manly things in the ocean and ship environment. Man stuff and lots of it. Great fun and a simple story. A bunch of guys on a boat and a monomaniacal captain consumed by thoughts of vengeance. Cool.

No, not cool. Not if you are a Western Woman. A Thai woman would not get all worked up over this book because she would not want to ‘hurt her head'. Under the circumstances this almost looks like wisdom. But a western woman and most especially a western educated smarti-pants college professor feminist with a flapping mouth is always alert to bringing the party down. I would of course be talking about Camille Paglia. College professor, western feminist, and all around blabbermouth. Ask Camille Paglia what time it is and she will tell you how to make a watch. Can not shut up. Here are some quotes of hers regarding the American Shakespearian masterpiece of maritime adventure known as Moby Dick. I follow them with some of my own thoughts that may reflect other men's deep seated desire to have western females with barbed wire in their armpits and razor blades in their pants just shut up:

1. Camille Paglia: "Moby-Dick (the novel) rejects male sexual destiny, which Romanticism portrays as servitude to female power."

wonderland clinic

Me: "What? What the hell is she talking about? It's guys on a boat chasing whales."

2. Camille Paglia: "This is Melville's real heaven, an all-male platoon, each with his hand in someone else's pocket. The circle jerk is another Romantic uroboros."

Me: "Ok, I can see your eyes rolling back and I can hear the sound of the palm of your hand slamming down on the bar. I'm with ya. Crap like this just sucks the wind out of your lungs. I'll say it for everyone–What? What the hell is she talking about? This is just insulting. Camille Paglia couldn't give it away in the blind men's section of Bang Kwang prison so she wants to bring down every other beating heart. Absurd."

3. Camille Paglia: "The harpooners are daemonic archangels, tanned by hellfire. I view their multiracialism as a sexual transposition. As Romantic sexual personae, silent, solitary, and proudly self-complete, they have stolen their dark glittering glamour from repressed woman."

Me: "What? What the hell is she talking about? There was not even a woman on the ship. I hate to get all arty-farty and intellectual here but if western feminists want to reduce every human nanosecond of life to the word ‘woman' things are going to get pretty silly. When I am talking to a woman on the boardwalk in South Pattaya the only reduction I am interested in is the one that leads to her and I spending the night together. We will be naked and smiling and in each other's arms. Camille Paglia will be sleeping alone. I think Ning or Nong or Noi and I are ahead on points."

4. Camille Paglia: "The tax laid upon masculinity in Moby Dick is evident in the burden of sexual symbolism borne by Captain Ahab, the Romantic outlaw. He stands upon the "dead stump" of an amputated leg, a sexual injury consistent with his one-night stand marriage. His artificial leg nearly pierces his groin, leaving an incurable wound: his is thigh torn Adonis, severed from mother nature by his "unsurrenderable willfulness." Therefore the harpoon Ahab darts at Moby-Dick is a phallic mental projection, born of frustrated desire."

Me: "A phallic mental projection, born of frustrated desire? Ok, I'm not even going to waste time saying this woman is nuts. That is not the largest point. The largest point is to use this nonsense to remind yourself why you left the country you came from and why you are in Thailand. The male-female arena in Thailand is a tough gig requiring tough players but at least everyone is sticking to the basics. When I bring a woman that I have met and smiled at back to my hotel room she takes her clothes off instantly. Basics. She is a woman and I am a man. It is not about ego or one-upmanship with fancy academic words. It is about making a connection in another way. Can you imagine this western woman Camille Paglia taking her clothes off instantly because she sees the value of sexual connections without the clogging minutia of ego and intellect? Raise your hands if you do not even want this western woman to take her clothes off."

5. Camille Paglia: "In Moby-Dick, his attempt to suppress the indebtedness of male to female has produced a stunning sadomasochistic spectacle of male subdued by male."

Me: "Ok, I'll say it for all of you guys out there. Up to now she might have been pathetic or wrong headed or stupid but this is just insane. This western trained woman who is a professor and has classes full of young impressionable western girls is so full of it that you need to be wearing hip boots when you are around her. Indebtedness of male to female? I've got news for you. I am not indebted by inclination or biological fact to any female. It is not a posture or a philosophy but a fact. That is why the night-time venues and the bargirls and the sexual arenas of Thailand are so wonderful. Finally I am free. Free to be me. And the greatest part of me just as the greatest part of all of us is reptilian. Deeper than the brain is a core of life that sparks without regard to anything but the basics. When I finally return to the Kingdom and go into my first bar or see my first Thai females in the shops or the hotels or on the street I am released from the West and delivered to Myself. My blood pressure drops and my smile widens.

And unlike the western feminists who seek to define every myriad human interaction in terms of ‘woman power' I am not so foolish. I do not reduce my world to everything man centered. I know that I am only half of the equation. The other half of the equation is that lovely Thai woman over there. Gosh, I hope she likes me."

So in conclusion: Camille Paglia and her western trained feminism is not really the point. She is just a symptom of a larger disease. A mean-spirited disease of intellectual gender bashing that seeks to dominate and subjugate every male's natural desires and needs. With more degrees than a thermometer factory she will always be able to out-talk you and out-argue you and out-quote you and out-footnote you and out-interrupt you at the faculty party. People holding little sandwiches and paper cups full of wine will smile and applaud her verbal facility and aggressiveness. But you know something because you have been to Thailand that trumps all of her talk.

You do not want to see her naked. She will imagine you want to see her naked because

‘all men are pigs with only one thing on their minds'

but she is wrong. Mistaken. Without the facts or the knowledge. You are a man and she is not. You have been to Thailand as a man and she has not. You do not want to see her naked. You do not want to have sex with her. So where the rubber meets the road in life she is not a player and she is not smart.

Lest I be accused of hyperbolous hyperbole or awkward metaphor or abstract allusion or unclear writing let me just restate that not only do I not want to see her naked; I also do not want to hear the sound of her voice, or see her silhouette on the horizon, or be the recipient of her opinions, or be in the same room as her royal prune ass. I'd rather shimmy up a greased pole with rabid ferrets in my pants than spend one valuable second of my life connected to this mammal.

Every woman I have ever met in Thailand and had sexual relations with was smarter than her and more of a woman than her. They knew how to communicate with me without blame placing or finger pointing. Thailand is a tough imperfect place full of sometimes tough imperfect people and not always happy times. But as an antidote to feminism maybe it is fulfilling it's destiny.

In one hundred years, or two hundred years, or five hundred years the men of Earth may look back on Thailand and realize that it was a social antidote and release valve in a world of ignorant angry hostile women ratcheting up the social tensions to no purpose. Maybe Thailand is more than a dose of medicine for each one of us individual men; maybe it is also an antidote that the world needs. Maybe it is time to just chill out a little bit and give Thailand a break. Try to see the bigger picture.


Maybe there is something going on here bigger than all of us. There is a scientific theory now being promulgated by bright biology lights and other cross disciplinary scientists that the entire Earth is a single organism. In this theory all of the oceans, and the land masses, and the microbes, and the beating hearts, and the chlorophyll feeders, and the fishes, and the beetles, and the atmosphere, and the minerals, and algae, and cellular dances, and atomic reactions are part and parcel of a giant pulsating symbiotic organism. It is all one and the giant complex macro parts of the earth down to the smallest reactionary chemical processes are working together to keep organic healthy homeostasis in some mysterious cosmic way. In a sort of biological offshoot of chaos theory when one part of the organism known as Earth such as the oceans salinity, or the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, or the amount of plants in the Amazon are effected then that effects not only other parts of the organism but also the whole.

Who knows? This idea is certainly no stranger than every other scientific idea in the history of man. Perhaps by lighting some incense sticks and hanging a crystal around our neck and putting on the aluminum foil antlers that we use to communicate with space people we might benefit from accepting this idea. Accepting the notion that planet Earth is really one organism opens up the possibility that it might get infected. And that infection might be fought off by antidotes being sent in to eradicate the infection. Infection of a healthy organism can be insidious because of its sometimes beginning stage triviality. Often without calling attention to itself and sometimes with a kind of biological stealth it infiltrates. But the results can be dramatic. Examples:

1. The surgery was a success but the patient died? Post surgical infection.

2. Dentists now are having to reconsider what they do in the patient's mouth. There is evidence that oral infections can effect the heart and other parts of the body. Hence dental dams and drugs and a new attitude. Everything is connected to everything else.

3. We had a neighbor when I was growing up who had lost his leg to the hip due to an infected topical wound during WWII. He could not get to a hospital to have the source of infection treated soon enough so he lost the whole leg. Given more time the infection would have taken the whole body.

Where am I going with this?

Consider this: if the Earth is an organism of pulsating symbiotic life and perhaps some sort of conscious macro cellular intelligence then perhaps our current state of feminism in the world with it's attendant gender bashing is an infection. The larger healthy organism (Earth) instinctively identifies this infection as a problem to be fixed and sends in armies of antidote in the form of millions of smiling Thai women. Perhaps the women of Thailand are part of a larger purpose and a larger plan and a larger arena then most of us would ever dream of. Maybe they are human antidotes being sent in by Earth to fight off the infections of feminism and meanness towards men. Infection has the Devil's face; always waiting in the wings of the theater of life. Always ready, willing, and able to take to the stage; hit it's marks, and perform. Always strong, always insidious, always stealthy–often victorious. Fighting infection is the duty and the necessity of every living thing. Hey, maybe the Earth knows what it is doing.

Perhaps Thailand should not be thought of as a social hematoma, but as a place where the organism Earth is sending in antidote to a disease. At times the Thai experience may seem like an open wound but help is coming. Infection fighters and antidotes are being sent in and you can identify them by the smiles. Maybe the smiling girls of the Kingdom are really agents of the organism known as Earth and they are in service to the organism; sent in to fight feminism and gender bashing of men. Maybe we should stop patronizing the bargirls and using words like ignorant; and instead recognise them as front line fighters against forces of evil intent on demonizing and diminishing men. Maybe we should recognise what they themselves may not even know or understand. They are a part of more than social history and gender relations destiny; they are infection fighters and antidotes to infection and disease in the giant macro complexed wandering cosmic organism known as Earth.

Maybe it is time to just chill out a little bit and give Thailand a break. Maybe it is time to just step back and try to get a glimmer of the bigger picture. And be damned glad that there is a place where women smile back at you. Because without these human antidotes and infection fighters the disease known as male bashing and feminism may in fact infiltrate and diminish and sicken the Earth beyond redemption. Think this is all about you because you are a human? Well, consider this: what about all of the other resident males on this cosmic orb? How about male insects and male fishes and male silverback gorillas and male birds and male reptiles and . . . male everything. These guys are males too. Do you think the infection known as feminism would stop with just humans? Of course not.

Once these razorblade mouthed monsters with the barbed wire in their pants started to turn gender battles won into gender wars won the snowball of meanness would just continue to grow and all males of every kith and kin and kind would eventually have their genitalia thrown into a great pile. You think the concept of a black hole is scary with it's indifferent all inclusive life sucking predation? Kidstuff. Try and imagine the planet Earth with nothing but females of every beating heart species in charge and the smell of trillions of billions of tons of rotting male genitalia of every size and age and innocence and species that had been thrown into a great pile.

Hard to imagine? Try this. Imagine a future Earth governed and populated by weekend lesbian backyard gardeners naked from the waist up using compost from decaying male genitalia to build up the soil in their little herb gardens. Scared now? You should be. Because unless we start getting an awareness of the big picture here on this giant pulsating life engorged organism known as Earth and start appreciating and supporting the antidote work of the Thai women this may be our future. I don't know about you but I do not want my severed cock and balls serving as compost in some lesbians herb garden.

The smiling antidote Thai women restricted by language barrier can not talk in English with the facility of Camille Paglia or other western feminists. I am more likely to hear things like "You have jai dee." or "Up to you." or "Where you go?" or "You hansum man." or "We go loom?" or "Short time or long time?" than fancy college talk with words like Romanticism, and chthonian (?), and Wordsworthian, and mythologically and archetypically and Dionysian–Jesus, get a gun.

Well, if the western feminist is so superior to the rice farmer's daughter how come they are all sleeping alone at night with their romance novels and their graduate school diplomas and their cats? The rice farmer's daughters of the Kingdom may be easy fodder for the critics and the satirists and the people posturing as their friends but reeking of paternalistic prejudice; but the final tally is done on the smile meter. And ultimately possibly in the future on the planetary survival meter. Thai women may save the Earth.

The rice farmer's daughters get and give more smiles than anyone else. Smiles from women don't stop in the head or the heart, they only make pitstops there on the way to the brain stem. Smiles from women in Thailand saved my life as a man. I don't mind saying it. My dignity and self-worth were returned to me. I don't mind making that public. I can now open myself up in public like a clam. I am free. And I owe it to many women who could not read or write their own language. What has reading and writing got to do with anything? Tricks.

I love the women of Thailand. On a personal level I accept their antidote feminine medicine that they pour into my male psyche infection. Pride goes before the fall and I am not too proud to say that I am sick and under heavy mortar attack from feminists and other gash monsters. I need the women of Thailand. And I love them. Every one of them. Infection loves the game and the game is disrespect for healthy happy bodies and minds, aggressive behavior, demeanment of ego, and public and personal humiliation. Sound like any feminists or western females you know of? How best do you fight a woman? With a man? No, with another woman. A Thai woman. A smiler.

Hey, maybe the Earth knows what it is doing.

Stickman's thoughts:

To follow…

nana plaza