Stickman Readers' Submissions May 17th, 2006

Fight For Your Right

For some time now I've noticed the mocking of fat, bald, ugly, old mongers. Now I'm 36, not long passed my latest medical and have an abundance of (greying) hair. It's not for me to comment on my looks but I've never had a problem getting a girl whenever it takes my fancy…I'm by no means past it and hope to say the same in 15 years' time. Oh, I'm not a monger either, although I did succumb to dabbling last September in Pattaya. This is all just background stuff just to let you know that I'm not one of the group of guys that I'm about to stand up for!

I've said that I hope to be able to say I'm not finished with that most wonderful, frustrating, disturbing and quite unfathomable other gender from our own for a long time yet. I love them all. Ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration but I do love a very healthy proportion of them. Thin, fat, black, brown, white, pretty, nice body, front, back, legs, ankles, feet, hands or whatever. Generally I can find something in a helluva lot of them to admire. Even just a delicious scent can make up for a plethora of ailments. I'm pretty sure if there was a blue (non-hypothermic), one-eyed, one-legged midget with an endearing smile and I met her, chances are I'd try to hump her. It's not an addiction. It's not a disease. It only becomes one of these if you've been captured and need an excuse to weasel out of a sticky situation (e.g. Michael Douglas). Any psychologist / therapist who tells us any differently is looking at the $ and £ they can extract from you telling you why you shouldn't go on the hunt every night because 'we' have grown as a species. It is emotionally damaging to social interaction and debasing women by reducing them to objects of lust yada, yada, yada. I'm not going to go into these arguments but my view is that this is just another part of political correctness infringing on our human right to party every goddamn day until our party legs have gone from underneath us and all that is left are our memories and commodes.

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I'd like to know exactly when the social acceptability of anyone visiting, and obviously paying, prostitutes became so clearly divided. On one hand there are all these young (definition varies from late teens to early seventies), slim, well-dressed, cultured, rich and handsome men (we'll add in well-endowed) helping the poor daughters of Isaan with their charity work. This isn't a vice. This is a benefactor doing good work in the community by redistributing wealth. Modern day Robin Hood, don't cha know?

Then there is the ancient (definition varies from late twenties to centurion), clinically obese, tramp, lowbrow, cheap, ugly, asthmatic (I saw that in a previous submission, made me laugh), short dicked beast raping the above mentioned daughters. They're almost as bad as Glitter, you know…

The most amusing thing about this is that the second group are getting their character read to them by their peers (pun intended). Yes, their Lordships and comrades, Patpong / Patong / Pattaya warriors all, have declared that whilst invading, and / or settling in, Thailand that there is an unacceptable face (and body) of mongering! The loveable little roguettes of Thailand just do not deserve to be groped by these outcasts. In fact, surely the best way to deal with them is to do what the Thais do…pap them out into little villages so that the creme-de-la-creme don't have to look at their prune-like coupons with eighty chins and incontinent habits. Because it really isn't prostitution in Thailand. It's the girlfriend EXPERIENCE. You don't go with a whore in Thailand – you pay them to pretend to be your girlfriend. How embarrassing it must be then to think of that degenerate old manky sod paying the self same girl for the self same 'experience' and getting the selfsame satisfaction as yourself. Because it's not like the back-streets of your local town / city centre back home where they take 20 guys a night into the back alley and milk them as fast as they can and not miss another chance of a pay off for the drink / drug habit or to feed themselves and the kids or to make money on the side or whatever the reason they do this JOB.

Let's face reality here guys. If you go to a hooker you are not their boyfriend. If you take your little darling out of the bar and send her money you are not saving her, you have a hooker on retainer. Yes, they'd love for you to be Michael Owen or David Beckham or whoever is in fashion at the time but as long as you pay it matters not a jot to the vast majority. As far as I know (and I do admit my lack of depth in this subject) there are very few hookers who would be so discerning as some of Stickman's readers in their choice of who would be acceptable 'clients'. Generally those who are, to my understanding, are known as 'high-class' hookers. This doesn't mean that old, fat, badly dressed men don't get laid. This means that rich people get to hump them. And that is all that matters in this arena. The ability to pay. Not sexual performance on your behalf. Not stunningly handsome features. Not your age or body shape. It's your wallet that is the attraction.

No-one really LIKES to see old, old men going with young, young ladies. I can only speak for myself that as I get older my tastes mature with me. Don't get me wrong, I'm as partial to ogling a well developed 18 year old as any other man but I also find myself looking at older women more and more. It isn't a lowering of standards just another of nature's way of balancing things, I guess. I'm of the opinion that anything pretty much goes as long as it is consensual and doesn't involve kids. Who knows, in my twilight years, I may be just as frisky as these sprightly ole shaggers. I may not agree with grave-dodging mongering but I will defend with my life your right to it (sic).

I'm just back from Isaan. It's a hard place to live. But that's for another day…for now all I want to say to all the wrinklies out there spreading their love. Good on ye auld yin…don't listen (if you can even hear). Splash the cash on some nice young(ish) snatch and give two fingers to anyone who thinks that you're to old to party. Gimme twenty years and who knows, maybe I'll join ye for a drink and a wrinkly old shag fest orgy.

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As for the monger police…don't be a neo-liberal fascist (add your own expletive here). Viagra was invented for a reason – we all want to party as long as we can with the ladies. The best piece of advice I can give to you is one I heard from a young Thai guy to a feminazi in Pattaya. You're in Thailand now…if you no like, go back to where you come from'.

For all those on the fence, I say once more…You gotta fight. For your right. To PAR TAY. Ok that was the Beastie boys but hey they got that one spot on.

Stickman's thoughts:

So what was your argument?

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