Choices And YOUR Life
We make choices every minute of our existence for the most part, but there are times when we actually take note of some significant choices and for me when several significant choices hit me all at once I take note and perhaps as a way of thinking them through decided to write this post. Writing about something and actually putting my thoughts into my own careful well thought out words helps me greatly when dealing with choices and often once I get done I’ll let it sit a day or two and then re-read it again and see how it feels. Sometimes.. I’ll read it again and think “who was the punter who wrote this” or “this isn’t what I meant to say” or “maybe I really shouldn’t send this to my crazy relative after all..” I found myself doing this a lot lately and I’ll get to it but first..
I’m off to a small town in Illinois I’ll call “po-dunk” just because it’s small and I’ve never been there. I leave early next week and I’ve carefully planned the trip from the airplane tickets to reserving hotels to the exact model of car to rent and even to the Hertz “Neverlost” GPS system. Which reminds me, since taking on my Mia Noi Jill I’d better cancel that “Neverlost” system lest she get jealous. Jill has never been there before but she tells me she knows exactly where it is. Anyway.. UBC was showing old Seinfield re-runs and that episode was on that I’m sure most of us saw that showed a mix up in airplane tickets when Jerry and Elaine were traveling and Jerry ended up in First Class next to a beautiful blond with nice wine, fuzzy slippers, and flowers in the restroom, while Elaine ended up flying coach in a cramped seat sitting next to a guy who was sweaty, fell asleep trapping her in so she couldn’t get to the restroom, and when she finally got there a rather large male specimen had left anything but a flowery deposit. So.. I’m mulling this over and thinking about my trip.. had a bad dream about it last night where I got stuck next to the same sort of person, and then this morning called up China Airlines and upgraded my seats to Business Class and then used some of my miles for a bump to First Class… I’ve flown Business Class a lot, but when it’s on my dime I’m a coach kinda guy for the most part. But this time we’re looking at a long trip from Bangkok to Chicago in one long ride and I wanted to be fresh(er) when I arrived and it’s been quite a while since I’ve flown first class so.. That was my hard choice for the day. I think I’m pretty fortunate at this particular time in my life.
Then this afternoon the massage girl was here as she usually is a few times a week for a two hour relaxing massage in the comfort of my own home and I pull out my Thai/English English/Thai dictionary and as we’ve done for a while we teach each other our languages. She can’t afford English lessons and I’d rather not pay for Thai lessons.. and she’s got a great personality that I can see so far so overall it’s quite an enjoyable two hours. One little note.. she’s 41 soon to be 42.. and she’s got a nicer body than I’ve seen on probably 90% of Asian women who are 20. I’ve asked her about it and she made lifestyle choices early in her life to stay fit and trim and her profession plays into this. Spending 10 hours or more a day massaging others has to burn some calories and keep you toned. If I told you she’s HOT because of this trimmed and toned body I’d be bragging.. but ok…J She’d stay booked in any bar in town even at 41…
Today we got into places we’ve visited or lived and I think she’s always tried to figure me out, what I’m here in Thailand for, what I do, and of course if I’m one of the “sex tourists.” So she asked me if I’d ever been to Pattaya. I hadn’t. I’ve been to beaches all around it with my wife and her family, but never the infamous Pattaya and walking street because.. well.. I’m not a sex tourist.. or someone who “just happens” to end up paying for sex but am in denial.. maybe later in my life, but so far paying for sex isn’t something I’ve ever had to do. When I was single in Thailand (for a few years) there were plenty of women to date and sleep with just for fun, and in all seriousness there wasn’t a time I couldn’t walk up to almost any salesgirl/fellow student/etc and ask them out and have them accept. Most of the time I was given the option of fun and games, no charge. So paying for it with woman everyone else “had just used” just didn’t and doesn’t appeal to me. More power to you if it does because it certainly adds options. I’m suppose I’m a hunter. You see.. I enjoy the hunt (or used to before getting married) and would rather be out in the jungle tracking down that tiger.. than shooting fish in a barrel.
So our conversation continued: The next logical question for her was “have you ever been to Pattaya?” She said she had so I’m busy looking in the dictionary for the nicest possible word for “bargirl” to form the natural next question and settled on the generic “prostitute.” She looked very serious and told me no, and then went on to say how many of her friends have done so and went on to tell me the pitfalls of their lives and how much it’s affected them by the time they’ve reached her age (41 remember?) She has SIX friends who are HIV positive and three of them have full blown AIDS. Out of all of her friends which she says are many who worked the bar she claims to be better off financially. She told me she didn’t have the clothes or expensive stuff, but saved her money, bought some property up in Chiang Rai where she comes from, and owns half a house with her mother here in Bangkok who she now lives with. She was married, her husband used her as a punching bag, one daughter, divorced, now living independently and probably doing well because she’s very good at her job. I’ve seen many massage ladies working well into their 60’s so I’m sure she’ll continue to do ok. She’ll probably still have a hot body then too…;o) It struck me that this woman, and I use the word “woman” in the most respectful sense because I can only respect someone who made the choices she did when she was obviously equipped with the tools to work a lot less and make a lot more. Choices.
But that’s not the choice I really wanted to talk about.. or about my airplane seats.. though I’ll read this tomorrow before I hit the send key just in case… J
What I wanted to talk about is my brother. He’s a year and a half younger than me. He married young and has been ‘married’ for over 20 years. In all seriousness I can never remember him ever being “happily” married. Not even for a day. His joy in life comes from raising his only child, a son, and he’s done a great job with it. Much better than I’ve done to be fair. He’s not well educated nor well read and a few years ago he called me all upset because he saw a television special about AIDS/HIV and was worried he might be infected. WTF? “You’re married?” “Ummm.. eerrrrr I visit massage parlors!” Cripes! You could have knocked me over with a toothpick I was so stunned because this just didn’t fit him at all. The way he explains it married or not a man needs to get laid once in a while and he likes the Asian girls who work there (insert a few paragraphs of justifications in this space) and nature took it’s course.. for a price. So, for a few worried days till the test came back negative he sweated it out and ran up his phone bill calling me from the Los Angeles area and once he found out he was negative he swore off massage places and we haven’t discussed it since. At the time I recommended marriage counseling.
Then there’s this week…J He didn’t mention AIDS/HIV and I didn’t ask so maybe he’s discovered condoms, but he has been back to the massage parlors. This time he wanted advice on how to save a “sexual slave” from the “Chinese Tong Triads” and that he was in love with this young Asian girl.
Me “Are you still married?”
“Yes, but this time I’m getting a divorce for sure!”
Me “Ok.. sure..” “What’s the story?”
So he goes on about.. well I suppose I stopped him in under 60 seconds and told him to check his email. 60 seconds and it was all I needed to hear, all I needed to know exactly what was happening. Can you guess what I sent him in his email? Yep, the link to Stick's website..:) I listed a few choice submissions as “required reading” and let it go from there. A few days goes by (he’s a slow reader) and the phone rings..
“Umm.. Thanks a hellavu lot!”
Because I had come a signature away from taking out a home equity loan for 100k to buy her freedom, had my lawyer draw up divorce papers, and was going to live “happily ever after” with this “pretty” (if you saw his wife you’d know that he might think someone like Rosanne Barr is “pretty”, “pretty” might be anything female that gives him some.:) Thai girl, or so I thought.
“That website opened my eyes BKKSW!” “I tested her!” And then he went on and on about what kind of person she really was which I cut short in less than 60 seconds because.. well.. 60 seconds is enough isn’t it? So now he’s educated and claims to know all about Thai women and Asian women in general. Sigh.. (that sigh was from me, I really think it’s possible that I was adopted..)
His plans now? He claims he never realized what a great wife he’s had all along and that with a little counseling he might get laid more than once a year and so on and so on.. and in under 60 seconds I cut him off. I’ve heard that noise for over 20 years and well.. 60 seconds is enough isn’t it? I wished him well and told him that if he ever found himself divorced and able to stay single and live by himself for six months.. then he could come visit me in Bangkok and it would change his life. Ok, maybe I shouldn’t have put that thought into his head, but he’s my brother and we do things like that…;o)
Oh, I recommended he send Stick 10% of that 100K as a contribution to keep the site going but I think he stopped listening by then.. I’m going to check into whether they have call blocking or not here in Bangkok… Choices.. we all make them. Bad ones, good ones, ones we never learn the consequences of.. (like how many off-spring we REALLY have out there?) Me? I’ll continue to write out any choices I need to make about my life and let them sit a week, re-read them again, and only hit the send button if I still think they sound like good choices.
In the interim, until you hear from me again, I’ll be experiencing First Class service, visiting the Windy City, leaving my wife in Los Angeles at my Uncles house for about six months (citizenship choices), and returning to stay by myself in Bangkok to experience more adventures with travel, people, and even the occasional submission. Cheers!
A nice submission.