Readers' Submissions

But I’m Not Your…

  • Written by Anonymous
  • May 30th, 2006
  • 6 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

Hello everyone, how are you? I would like to share a few thoughts with you about my post Thai-Farang relationship experience with you. I want to tell you how life is for me after the confusion has gone. I’ve had plenty of experience in the field of cross cultural relationships of the Thai-Farang variety. In England and Thailand, in sickness and in health, for richer (yes! Richer but not in financial terms) and for poorer (but only in financial terms). Although I only ever had one girl she wasn’t short-time or long-time, she was all-the-time and then some more; but now she’s gone forever, absolutely final. Oh, hang on my mobile is ringing…..

“What! You are in police station”

“The other girl start fight, she Chinese girl”

“But you tell me you’re working night shift at the factory”

“I go out to eat noodle, she look me then she fighting me”

“But you’re in Singapore, this doesn’t sound right”

“Is true! They take me immigration soon. Call me later please”

Sorry about that interruption; everything is fine; it was only my sister on the phone. She has a job in Singapore and she wanted me to know about her new friends. Maybe she wants me to visit, I’m not sure.

Where was I? Ah, yes, I remember- post Thai relationship. Some things are better and some things are even better still. I am rich as I no longer send convoys of food and consumer goods to Isaan. The people in Isaan are all cured and well because of the hospital I paid for. My work wasn’t in vain, oh I am so happy! And better still; I now have the remote for my entertainment centre, shah to Buddha! My Mercedes has been defrocked of those cuddly little bears wearing smug smiles and lovey dovey words across their chests. They didn’t have wings but they sure did fly like angels upon their exit. I’ve kept Buddha because I think his way is pretty damned good and honest. I still have plenty to learn about him but I’m not wasting any more food on him; and yes I have tried giving the English breakfast. Believe me he isn’t hungry, please do not feed the Buddha anymore!

“Am I bothered?”…..”Am I bothered?”…..”Bothered? am I? Excuse me phone.

“Hello”

“I don’t like policeman Singapore, she no good and scold me”

“Where are you now?”

“Immigration, they say I must go home. I not like here anymore”

“But you were attacked it was the other girl at fault”

“I not care. I go home. I never come here again”

“What about your job?”

“I go Bangkok. They send me home and I can never come here again!”

“Oh I am sorry. What a pity”

“No is ok no problem I am young and strong. You come Bangkok see me”

“But I’m not your………Hello……” (Big sigh)

Sorry again. What? Oh, the phone call. It was my sister, she was err, suggesting some alternative travel arrangements, yes. It sounds like she’s being transferred and maybe promotion a too.

As I was saying; I can have conversations without looking for hidden meanings and the word “tell” no longer means “ask for”. I can say “my phone” instead of “phone me”. I don’t get paranoid if my German friends talk their native tongue when I am in the room. I respect our Queen; but if I were to say her outfit sucks I won’t have to worry about reprisals. I have tissues in my life again! I can waste a whole piece of paper if I want and I can see trees living “without fear” in the countryside! I’m sorting out my wardrobe and even my suit looks happy for the extra space.

Now watch me sleep eight hours solid. Not had this much sleep since…..zzzzzzz

Wow that was a great sleep. What shall I do today? I’ll go for a swim before breakfast then……Who could that be calling this early?

“Hi….No don’t worry I always wake up early”

“I Bangkok already honey but I not want see my friends”

“Err…..I’m happy your home safely. What will you do now?”

“I want to come England Darling. You my friend you can do visa for me”

“But I’m not your…..”

“Honey I love you. I can not leave you. I will kill myself if I no have you. Don’t worry I come for you. Call me back please I no credit”

My sister on the phone again; silly thing has lost her mind……. BAG! I mean lost her bag. She asked if I can send her some missing paperwork. Girls eh!……(Tut)

Yes I will have that swim before breakfast. Then I will go shopping for some shoes. Say that reminds me how different shopping is these days! Still I guess most girls like to try every shoe in every shop in town? (No offence meant girls) Hee hee!

Seriously though, life is good. I don’t mean better or worse but different.

If you are a jealous Farang today and you are going crazy, console yourself in the fact that you aren’t the only one and the emotional turmoil will end. (Oops! I don’t really feel it my place to give advice, rather tell how it is for me)

So swimming, breakfast then shopping ……. Oh hi, I’m glad you are all still here we can share lunch.

Did I mention how clear everything is to me these days? My mind seems sharper and I feel younger and I am so much more tolerant these days. (Don’t tell the others but it wasn’t my sister on the phone. I’ve learned how to save face but I call it diplomacy)
I am keen and seem to possess a childlike enthusiasm with regard to my future. I am a lot richer than before.

Ring……….Ring……….Ring……

“No. It’s ok, don’t answer the phone I’m sure whoever it is will call again.”

“But what if it is your sister? Will you visit her? Didn’t you have to send her some missing paperwork?”

“Ha! You sound just like my ex-girlfriend. Don’t worry about my sister, let’s enjoy our lunch.”

THE END?

I hope you laughed along with me. I do not laugh at the girl but I laugh at the ridiculous situation. This is another true story but not uncommon. So much “colour” she has put into my life and I truly thank her. I wish her well and hope her life “will better soon” as she would say.

Stickman's thoughts:

Have you really got over her?