Stickman Readers' Submissions May 31st, 2006

Believe Me / Believe You, Trust!

I believe relationships are built on trust, along with most of the rest of us I suspect? Whether they are boyfriend / girlfriend, husband and wife or even partner and lover as the partner has to believe their lover will never reveal the intimacies of the relationship to an unwanted source. I am not saying this is correct, just highlighting the basis of trust in relationships.

Now I'm not going to harp on about why we shouldn’t trust our girlfriends from afar. I want to discuss an alternative point, whether correct, wrong or indifferent.

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I have just started out in a relationship with a Thai girl, the ins and outs are not necessary for this submission. Now every man, woman, child, cat and dog has warned me about trusting her. Now for sure at the beginning of every relationship there is a trust issue. This is not any different for me, I'm not going to go let it all hang out and let myself get burnt too badly. I hope!

The thing I didn’t expect through my own arrogance was that she would have a trust issue with me. Why would she not trust me? Because I told her to trust me…. Reality check! She said if she wanted me to trust her then I needed to show her! Right so what do I do, buy her things, send her money, tell her I love her…… None of that works..! That’s not the trust that she needed. She knows I can provide and take good care of her. She knows when we are together I make her happy and I have a no problem attitude that she likes..! It's still not what she is looking for.

We live together and I work away from Thailand in a foreign country, my job got delayed one week extra and I had not left her enough money to see her through until I got back, so I needed to send her some money. I had all sorts of problems trying to do this and was on my last nerve when I reached the conclusion. I had to call my mum and beg her to do it for me. Now this was slightly embarrassing for me as I had spoken with my mum about her but as a man I never like to tell my mother about my current relationships. My mum and dad always ask me when I call if I have a steady girl yet. I tell them I figure if I try them all out I can pick the best one. So first issue here is my mum knows I'm serious about this girl now and my defences are down, she knew we had been to a wedding together and knows she lives in my apartment now. Of course my mum said no problem and said she would sort everything, I gave my mum her mobile number and asked her to pass on the info she needed to collect the money. Job done, relief on my behalf…!

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The next day I called my girlfriend to see if she collected everything ok and see how she was, who am I kidding – I still have a slight trust issue and call at random times of the day and night to check on her everyday (but that’s my problem)!!! She was so happy, nothing to do with the money, because to be fair it wasn’t much and I know she had enough stashed away to see her through if needed. She was so happy because my mum had sent her a text message and went to this trouble to help her out, she felt accepted by my family and she could not explain how happy she was. She said – Fantastic for me, now I trust you 1 million percent honey, I know you not bullshit..! I know you tell me you speak with mama about me but I no believe. I think your family not like me because I Thai lady. I think you only tell me sweet things to make me happy but you never care to much for me. But now I see you care for me so much I very happy..!

She explained to me, my friend (We have all heard this line) live England with her husband, her husband family no like her, make problem for her all the time because she Thai lady. She tell me never fall in love with young man..! She tell me because young man only go to bank for borrow money and go holiday boom boom lady then come home have no money for pay bank. Young man no have money for take care of she. Young man lazy, young man never take care his family. He go drink with friends and spend all money. His family no like me, no help me. Now this was her friends experience but I had seen so many truths in what she had said.

She told me honestly that she was 50/50 with me on whether we would work but now she was 100%, Because I had proved something to her! I understood why she had trust issues with me. I thought about it for a while, how many girls had been promised contact when there sweetheart had left for the airport – I call you when I get home teeruk. I send you message everyday. I send you e-mail. I send you money. I come back in 3 months and take care of you. I will sort out a visa for you to come live with me. I want to marry you. I love you. Only to be let down by us, my point being do we make the trust issue difficult for ourselves, we sure as hell contribute toward it.

Now the thing that remains for my relationship to be 100% is whether she can prove to me that she is trustworthy… She is taking me to meet her family in Udon Thani in the next few weeks I suppose that I am a step closer to trusting her to… But maybe they are all in on the scam..!

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Stickman's thoughts:

Trust is oh so important. When the trust is damaged in a relationship, there is little left. But trust has to be earned. It is not automatic. I can understand why a lot of Thai women do not trust their farang boyfriend / husband.

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