I Couldn’t Sleep
It’s one in the morning and I can’t sleep. I felt so compelled to get this “off my chest” that I got out of bed in the middle of the night / morning and came to work to write this submission. I have no one to talk to and this
submission is my means of venting.
I am so pissed off at myself that see strait – and it’s all my fault. I’ve had an epiphany where I now realize that I have been taken for a fool. In the last three weeks, I have given my girl twenty-five thousand baht (half during my holiday and half Western Union). Tonight on the phone she asked me to send her another fifty thousand more so that she could move into a nicer apartment (which is OK with me) and pay for her kid’s school (which is also fine with me) and have a little security in the bank (again, fine with me). I remember reading on this site about the rates for public school in Thailand. If I remember correctly, it’s free or damn near free. She told me the monthly rates for the apartment she wants, 5K baht. How does she come up with 50K? She always told me that she wasn’t just after the money. I believed her until her latest request. I gave her the benefit of the doubt until tonight but 75K baht within one month is a lot of money for a Thai – where is it all going? It really doesn’t matter. I am torn – should I believe her or should I trust my instincts and tell her to piss off. What if she is honest and just wants some money in the bank. She doesn’t have a job and has only 10K baht in her bank account. If the money she receives from me dries up or I decide to not send her the monthly amount, she might have a hard time with two kids.
Over the last few weeks, during phone conversations, she has continually told me that she doesn’t “love” me for my money and doesn’t want to talk about money. Every time I have a conversation with her on the phone (which has been almost every night) she invariably brings up money – or how much money she needs! WTF?
I actually like(d) this girl and have pledged to support her – and I would if I felt like I trusted her. She has allegedly quit working at the bar and only staying at home and taking care of her kid(s). I believe she has quit. I call her at various times of the evening and she’s always in a quiet place and speaks of things she wouldn’t be saying around another guy (who speaks English anyway!) She repeatedly told me that she didn’t like to work in a bar and so I made it possible for her to quit and stay at home.
At first, I offered to get her a job at a friend's restaurant where the girls actually have fun at work and make good money (for them) 10K – 15K baht per month. Plus, they don’t have to work in “the industry”. I thought she’d work outside of the bar, make a nice living, and get herself together.
As soon as I got back home, she told me that she was having problems with an old motorbike injury and her leg wasn’t strong enough for her to be a waitress. That was understandable for me. I’ve had injuries to my legs and I know how difficult
it would be for her to be a waitress if her leg truly was in bad shape. I thought I’d give her time. Then, papa had to go to the hospital…she needed money. Then she had to go to the hospital because she was coughing up blood –
so she claims – she needed money. These expenses, along with having to give mama and her “brothers” money has left her broke again. Guess what, Mr. Jai Dee farang to the rescue. Being lied to for money damages me emotionally
– forget them. She asked me for fifty thousand baht and you know what, I had that amount in my pocket and could have gone strait to Western Union to send it to her without it adversely affecting me financially. It’s not the money…it’s
the principal. If she told me that she needed money for whiskey for her papa and brothers and felt like buying new clothes, I would probably send her the money. I don’t care about the money. I’d like to find a girl who if they were
presented with this opportunity, they would appreciate it and not severely take advantage and lie. I am sick of their bullshit. I will give her this: she is very skillful in knowing the right things to say in order to get the effect she wants.
There are just too many damn stories she comes up with and I just can’t trust that her intentions are honorable – if I give her that trust and she betrays it, then I am the one who is damaged emotionally.
I think these facts of my saga make the point people make when justifying or reasoning the attitudes and actions of Thai girls invalid in a certain respect. People have justified some of the girls actions by saying the emotional damage inflicted by working in the industry has affected them to a point where they behave in a dishonest, irrational manner. What happens when you provide them an opportunity to “go strait” and have the life they dream of? They start taking advantage and manipulating someone who is legitimately trying to do a good thing. If their life is so bad that it is emotionally damaging and they have an opportunity to “get strait” and they decide not to HONESTLY take advantage of the opportunity – then it’s shit on them. May be the damage has been done already and I am experiencing the after effects of the emotionally damaged girl. It makes no sense to me that she would behave like this to gain some short-term financial gain. If she would play her cards right, I could give her 20K every month for years to come but she’s not thinking like that – she wants quick money this month until I catch on and then back to the bar. Where is her logic?
They lie and lie until they milk you for everything they can and then it’s back to the bar.
Oh well, from their prospective, at least they were able to take some time off. What about Mr. Jai Dee farang? The girls really don’t care. I thought I had spent enough time there in Thailand and read enough stories that I was immune to this type of situation happening to me. Looks like I was wrong. I think, generally speaking, I am far too trusting of Thais – especially the women. It also looks like I might be heading to the Philippines on my next holiday. I have not heard anywhere near the stories about Philippine women and I work with people who live there and have wives from that country.
Thanks for reading. Maybe I can get to sleep now.
Cut her free….she is doing your mental health no good at all.