Readers' Submissions

Groundhog Day

  • Written by Colin
  • April 13th, 2006
  • 5 min read


Hi All,

I have been reading the Stickman site for around a year now, some great stories, but some of the contributors need to lighten up and accept Thailand as it is, we will never change it, (and would not want to), unlike asylum seekers etc. who flood Britain and get what ever they want.

First, a little history, came over with a mate last year to Jomtien to see one of our workmates who has stayed here for 3 years, you can guess the rest, went back to Scotland, sold up, moved out, my mate did the same, except from England. I am in the fortunate position of working offshore of Thailand as company kindly gave me a transfer, so month on, month off, and no long haul flights in between.

Jumping back to Scotland, as with most Scots I had a local that I liked to frequent most days, (well every day), the ex-wife eventually had enough and asked why I did not take my bed to the bar, so I did and bought the bar over. All was going very well until I realized that the wife was doing a Scottish version of a Thai bargirl, (except for free!!).

So two years of the single life and loving it, and I find myself in Thailand.

First couple of months spent doing what every other sex-pat does, then met the girlfriend, now as with most girls I had been with, I fully intended this to last 1 night, couple at most, we will call her B (easy to say and spell), she is 33 so only 8 years age gap, had never worked in a bar, worked in a grocery store, and is one of the best lookers around.

When I moved over permanently I rented a condo, but the Scots in me came out again, found a bar that was owned by two Glaswegians, so moved into an apartment above the bar. Well it makes staggering home a lot easier when it’s just up one flight of stairs.

Now here is the strange bit, a reverse of most of the stories on Stickman.

B's friend who owns the shop loses it, so B out of a job, and is making noises about moving in with me above the bar. Now I had picked up a thing or two from reading the submissions, so told her if she wanted to stay with me, she had to get a job, as I like my freedom through the day – to play around – on the golf course.

Well, what happens? My now new best mates offer B a “Bar-tendee's” job in the bar. So I have now moved my girlfriend INTO the bar scene. This only lasted a few weeks and she was then offered the Mamasan's job as she was a bit older than the girls, good English and good with money etc. Now you would think that would be the end of it but, glutton for punishment that I am, I have ended up buying out one of the partners, now I am not going to use this as a plug for the bar except to say its in Jomtien and pretty hard to find, work it out, (and Stickman you’re welcome anytime). <You are 100% welcome to give yourself a good plug here – let me know the bar and I'll add the name so readers can pop by for a drink and a chatStick>

So quick bar story before I put you all to sleep. First day as co-owner is a holiday, (for elections next day), but quick scoot around on the motorcycle tells me that quite a few bars are selling beer, so we do like wise, now B is pretty pissed off with us, telling us that if the boys in brown come round we will get fined big style. Did we listen, did we hell, so we are sitting there enjoying a beer (now this is the lucky bit) with our Thai Lady Solicitor and her husband when who should drive past, but the police. As we had no bottles are bins on the tables they drove on, now it's Saturday night and starting to get busy with customers coming in to watch the football, now you can all guess who comes a calling again.

Yes, this time the boys in brown come into the bar, suss out pretty quickly that the cups don’t contain Nescafe and talk to B, she is making gestures that the Police would like to discuss the matter with my Partner or myself, I’m thinking what a start to my new career.

Next we know our Solicitor jumps up and starts talking to the police, 5 minutes later they disappear, but we have to stop selling beer. Luckily for us, she is very well known to the Pattaya police, so we asked what happened, well they were wanting to take one of us down to the station probably to discuss a hefty donation to a charity of their choice, but she basically told them that we would stop selling beer and that they should leave, and that was the end of it. Well except for the fact that they lifted a near-by Thai bar owner and seemingly fined them 2000 baht, so can only guess what we would have got.

So there it is, bit like Groundhog Day, 3 years and I have gone from owning a Scottish bar with wife running it while I was offshore, to now owning a Thai bar with girlfriend running it when I’m offshore.

I’ll just finish on this note, next time you get pissed off because the baht bus driver has taken 5 baht from the Thai who has been on the baht bus for the entire 15 minutes you

have been on it and you have been asked for an extortionate 10 baht, or you have been “fined” 200 baht for speeding / not wearing seat belt etc, just stop and think.

You could be back in the UK paying 1 pound a litre for petrol, or taking the 15 minute taxi journey into town ( cost +15 pounds) to shop for the wife’s new thick Winter coat (cost 75 Pounds), (size XL) you have been saving for.

I know where I would rather be……..

Chok dee khrap to all.

Stickman's thoughts:

Nice story, nice closing note!