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Falangs in Thailand – Let’s Get Real

  • Written by Anonymous
  • April 3rd, 2006
  • 12 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

By Jayson

Well Mr. Stickman, it’s time for some controversy. All you get is a bunch of old falang guys telling you their perspective and it’s just getting a little tired hearing the same old delusional song-and-dance. But none of them seems to see the obvious contradictions in their words, even if it’s staring them in the face. To quote a Jack Nicholson line, “they couldn’t see the truth if they were pissing on it.”

Most of your letters tend to be incessant whining, either about Thailand and Thai people in general, or Thai women. This sort of high-pitched whining always gets me thinking why some of these old fellas are here in the first place. Which is the theme of this piece, i.e., why are these guys here in the first place? My theory is that they can’t afford to live anywhere else and certainly can’t get laid anywhere else. Let me explain.

Thailand is a developing nation. As such, things here aren’t going to be like they are in your typical industrialized nation. More importantly, the cost of living here will reflect that, and anyone with a decent amount of western currency can live more comfortably here than they could in their homeland. But of course, there’s the down side to living in a foreign country that’s still in economic and political turmoil. Point is, you can’t have it both ways. You’re attracted to all those things that the low cost of living brings you (including the economically deprived women) yet you complain about all those other things that are typical of a developing nation, i.e., traffic, population, infrastructure, government corruption, people’s attitudes, and so forth. If Thailand were to fix all its problems, we would essentially be like Japan. Any expat care to venture out to Japan? Didn’t think so. Most expats in Thailand couldn’t afford Japan and most of the young Japanese women would simply see them as repulsive, dirty old men. I guess it’d be a lot like Falangland for most of these guys.

One of your readers said something to the effect that Thailand had never contributed anything to the world at large, as it relates to scientific achievements and the like. It goes without saying that most of the western countries are more advanced than Thailand AS A SOCIETY. My question is, what does that have to do with the expats living in Thailand? I doubt if there are five expats living here that can say that they’ve contributed to the advancement of modern civilization or anything else. As I am a Thai-American, can I take credit for any US advancement? We are a product of the system. You take most any Thai kid out of Thailand, raise them in the US, and they will succeed just like any American. My own family is a good example. Everyone of us have exceeded the average American in every matrix you can imagine, including education, income, athletics, language skills, net worth, etc.

Most of the falangs talk about Thailand as if it’d be so much better off if they, i.e., a falang, were running the country. Well didn’t every one of these guys just leave a country run by a falang to come to a country run by a Thai? And now you’re complaining about it? As I’ve lived in the US for many years, I’m generally not real impressed with many of the falangs in Thailand. These are not top-tier guys, i.e., not nearly the best that Falangland has to offer. Should be obvious. If these guys were successful in life and relationships, they wouldn’t be coming here and complaining about everything under the sun. Most of them are cast-offs and rejects from their homeland and as much as they may hate Thailand and the ways of the Thais, they frankly have no where else to go. That must really suck.

But what’s even more contradictory is when falangs start talking about Thai women. The last few letters that I’ve read are falangs complaining about how they can’t find an intelligent Thai woman, that they can’t have a meaningful conversation with said GFs and wives. Do you realize how asinine you sound? The fact that you’re even coming overseas to shack up with some poor Isaan gal who doesn’t speak your native language tells me that intelligence and conversation is about the last thing on your priority list. And now you’re complaining about it? Didn’t you just leave a whole country full of women who speak your native language, understand your culture, can converse intelligently about most things, etc., etc.? But no, you say that falang women are not your cup of tea because (fill in with typical falang women bashing) blah, blah, blah. Face it, you’re only attracted to Thai women because they’re accessible. More on that later.

I never could understand all the hostility that falang men in Thailand harbor against falang women. I’ve been with quite a few American women and they’re not nearly as hideous and repulsive as these falang guys make them out to be. Maybe it’s to rationalize to anyone who’d listen as to why they’re with some Thai peasant girl. It’d be so refreshing to hear a falang be honest for once and tell us what really appeals to him. The obvious truth would be that he can’t get a decent falang girl back home. But let’s forget that for a second and consider the other possibilities. Like the fact that he doesn’t want his equal. Doesn’t want someone that he can talk to at the same level. But rather someone subservient. Will take orders and not talk back (at least in a language that he can understand). He wants a girl who doesn’t understand the “system” well enough to go after his assets. And will actually believe that he’s some rich, successful, international tycoon. Will actually look up to him and be awed by his mere presence. Well, maybe it’s enough that the woman “pretends” to believe all this stuff. Of course, if the relationship with a Thai gal were to turn sour, these same falang-women-bashing falang guys will turn on the Thai women in a New York minute. Ever notice that every one of the letters sent in talking about a failed falang/Thai relationship always blames the Thai women? It’s never remotely the guy's fault. Pretty hard to believe, eh? (note heavy sarcasm) With all these failed relationships, I wish there were one Thai woman willing to talk about why her relationship with the falang guy failed. Any takers? Well, I wouldn’t blame her for not wanting to talk about it. Especially since I doubt any of these gals can express themselves real well in English. Besides, she knows that any comment which contradicts the falang guy’s party line will result in anonymous attacks from all quarters.

So Thai women aren’t intelligent enough for you? Well this one is so obviously idiotic that it must be addressed. I’ve dated many Thai gals in the many odd years that I’ve been here. Every last one of them spoke English better than most of the Thai girls with falangs. And I’m not talking that pathetic bar-girl speak. One actually taught English. Yet, when they talk to me, to the one, they prefer speaking Thai. They all have opinions. They’re all well read, perhaps not with American history, for example, but they’re pretty much aware of what’s going on around them. And not afraid to express their thoughts and feelings. And each Thai girl is vastly different from the next. Not unlike women back in the states.

So to hear falangs talk about all Thai women as “being the same,” or “you’ll know as much about a Thai gal in the first 2 weeks as you will the next 2 years,” etc., well this is more a reflection of the sort of guy you are and the type of women that you’ve been with. Beyond that, have you ever considered that it might be a language issue? Unless the Thai gal grew up in the west and is speaking English and hearing it every day, she’s never going to be as comfortable with it as she is with her native tongue. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out. But you’re complaining about it? Do you think that anyone out there believes that you’re this upstanding, decent, intelligent guy who’s more about having a “full” relationship than having a lopsided one where you can dangle the economic carrot? Well, perhaps some other slug who can’t see the contradictions in his way of thinking. And why is a Thai gal willing to put up with some schmuck who can’t express a coherent thought or carry-on a half-way decent conversation in her language? It’s economics, my friend.

This one has been covered before, so I’ll be brief. I was watching an American movie the other day, “An Officer and a Gentleman.” It’s about young fighter pilots in training at some little shit town in nowhere, USA. There are girls in this town who dream of hooking up with one of these guys so they can get a free ticket out of a dreary life. Well a falang in Thailand is a lot like that. You’ve got the words “ticket out of a shitty life” tattooed on your forehead. Of course, the girl would have to be immersed in a shitty life to want to sign up for this little freak show. Thai girls seeking falang guys assume that all falang guys have money. Even if you don’t, you almost have to convince her that you don’t and she probably still wouldn’t believe you. This is what attracts her to you. So why on Earth would you be so surprised to find out later that she’s about money? This question has been asked over and over again and yet, they still don’t get it. Your perceived wealth is why she’s with you in the first place you dope! Get it through your thick head! Of course, it does happen where the want of money turns to real love at some future time. The happy endings. It does actually happen. But if you’re thinking that her initial interest in you has something to do with your charm, good looks, or anything other than money, you’d be wrong about 95% of the time.

I did read one of your letters that was so comical, I almost fell off my chair. One of your falang readers complained that every time he traveled overseas with his Thai girlfriend, everybody assumed she was a hooker bought and paid for. The comical part was that this guy said his Thai GF sometimes pretended that she was a Filipino so as to avoid the stigma. Are you freakin kidding me? American GIs have been bringing back Filipino bargirls and hookers for decades. Filipinos practically invented the mail-order-bride. Have you ever heard of the magazine Cherry Blossoms? I suppose if his GF prefers to be mistaken for a Filipino hooker as opposed to a Thai hooker, that’d be the way to go.

Speaking of Thai women overseas, one of your falang readers awhile back said something to the effect that Thai women were all considered hookers overseas. I think it was his feeble attempt to get back at me for my earlier piece. To be honest, I’d actually agree with that statement—partially. A Thai woman would probably be assumed to be a hooker when traveling overseas—but only if she’s with a falang guy. I keep hearing this over and over again, and have actually seen it. Man, if looks could kill. Especially the falang women. Personally, I’ve never had this problem. No one would ever assume my GF was a hooker even if she was a card-carrying, grade AA, five-customer a night, prostitute extraordinaire. I travel all over the world with my GF and we’re just considered another attractive Asian couple. Usually they figure we’re Japanese, Polynesian, heck, even Latin on occasion. Never Thai. And when we say we’re Thai, we just get this polite, confused look, like, “where?” It’s like a Hispanic person from Bolivia…”ok, you’re a Bolivian, Mexican, Brazilian, whatever. But you still look like a Mexican.” Well we just look Asian. But an Asian with a falang will probably be assumed to be either Thai or Filipino for the reasons mentioned previously. Usually not a positive thing. Hey, don’t get upset with me. Talk to your falang buddies in falangland. On second thought, I doubt if they’d admit to your face that they thought your Thai wife was a hooker. But they’re thinking it!

And one last thing. The word falang. Christ, get over it already. It just means foreigner. Or Caucasian. Or white person. I suppose it could be scumbag-sex-pervert, but only if you are in fact one. Like any word, it could be used in a number of contexts, but usually, it’s just a descriptive word. It’s like if I were to go to the US and complain about the word gay being used to describe homosexuals. Or Indian to describe Native Americans.

Or Jews to describe, well, Jews. It’s just a freakin word, not in nearly the same category as say the N-word, which is derogatory to African-Americans. Not the same thing. I’m certainly not going to stop using the word and neither will the Thais. I’ve said it in the company of falangs and no one has ever taken offense. Nor should they. If you are offended, get a freakin clue.

So let the lame retorts flow in. You can get pissed and throw expletives in my general direction, but you won’t change the way things are. Have a nice day!

Jayson

Stickman's thoughts:

Actually, I thought you were remarkably restrained this time!