Readers' Submissions

When You Expect More

  • Written by Anonymous
  • March 9th, 2006
  • 7 min read


Hey! Guy

I gave you a vote!!!
I like to have foreign friend
then pls let me know if we can be friend

take care

xxxporn

Don't you get tired of Thai girls? Man, do I get tired of them! It's like listening to the same song over and over again, it's like watching the same movie (or maybe it's just a 5 minute video, not even a full length movie) over and over again. Very few girls have surprised me here, just to surprise me later that they were not different from the rest.

It all starts with the baby talk on MSN, or the chit chat in real life.

Where are you from?

Well, as if they care where you are from (with some exception – sometimes they look for a guy from a specific country because they have relatives there who they want to visit for free). They just want to check that you are not from India or Pakistan. I swear to god, once on MSN a girl thought that I was from India! I am Swiss and I have blonde hair. I showed her a photo where I was a bit darker (because of sun tanning) and suddenly she says that the other photos I showed her earlier were from another guy and not me and she stopped talking. Sometimes I really wonder what awful things the Indians must have done to the Thais. The funny thing is that most of the stuff the Thais copied to make their own culture is Indian. So why do they hate the origin of their culture? It's like the Malay would look down on the Saudis and would think that they had invented Islam.

What you do in Thailand?

Terrible question. I always feel like I am being interrogated by Thai immigration when they bring this up. Sweet Lord! I normally say I live here. But I don't get away with it. They wanna know more what I do EXACTLY here. Best answer comes with the office address. (All Seasons would be great.) And the salary. Since almost all foreigners are bad people in their eyes, they kind of give you a chance to prove you are not one of the bad people who corrupt the Thai culture by forcing respectable girls into prostitution. This question normally does not stand on its own and could lead into the next question:

How long have you been in Thailand?

Can you hear them saying it? They way the say Thailand? Still best answer: I am on holiday with my mom and this is the second day of our visit. Better answer: I just arrived with my grandmother five minutes ago and she has gone to the airport toilet and I am waiting for her in the chatroom. Very wrong answer: I lived here for almost 3 years and I am an English teacher.

Do you have a Thai girlfriend?

Mmm, sometimes I think western girls don't count for them, seems they are in a different league. It only matters if we have a rival Thai girlfriend around or not. This question could lead into the next question (see below). I used to answer that I had a Japanese girlfriend (which I actually had at some point) who just left a month ago (of course it was sometimes much longer ago). But then they would ask me for a photo of her and say why did I let her go. Since any man is a bad man who just lets the girlfriend go away. Means he does not care for her. You can't really beat this question, you can only keep the damage small. And please don't even think of telling them the truth! Thais are hyper sensitive. They can not be exposed to such a brutal thing as the truth. They probably would stop talking to you immediately if you really come up with a true answer.

..see this is merely a comedy, not a good start for an adult relationship. And as simple minded your relationship with a Thai girl starts, as simple minded your relationship will be and so simple minded it will end. What strikes me: All the girls are just looking for friends. As if a Thai girl can have a friend. If you really just want to be her friend she probably thinks you are gay. What a farce this all is. I have played the game many times, too many times. Most of the times I hoped that I finally meet a girl who is different, spontaneous, intelligent, one who asks me about MY country, about MY culture. Nobody has done that. Nobody wanted to know where I really came from and wanted to know about my history, about my background, with one exception, Yasmine, the Thammasaert anthropologist I quoted here. But she also could not get out of her Thai skin.

Once we were getting very close, and I was about to get serious feelings for her and I officially asked her to become my girlfriend (I know it sounds like high-school, but I wanted to make a clean start, without any side lovers). But then she said, she was not ready. Fine. She added willingly that she is not seeing anybody else apart from me, she said she was just not ready for it yet. Well, I actually believed her and we continued to have a loose relationship. But then I found through a very strange coincidence, that she was actually seeing somebody else. So I confronted her with my discovery, well, she admitted it immediately. I told her, that I could not see her any more, because I was about to fall for her and that I was disappointed in her, that she did not tell me the truth, even she had even lied without any reason. I can overhear lies when someone is in the corner, but I can not accept lies for no reason. Especially from her I expected a different behavior. I was very fond of her and I could not believe it, that she seemed no different in the end from all the trash girls I had met on the internet. I cut the contact with her, but she kept on calling and calling. She said, she already given up the guy and wanted to commit herself to a relationship with me. I said, no thanks. Well a bit after that she came up with the question, what I wanted to be, a friend or her boyfriend. The loose relationship was of course not on the table anymore, but she said she wanted to stay in touch with me in one way or the other. So I said, well since she lied unnecessarily and that I could not see a common base for a relationship, I would choose to be her friend. Then she went mad and said that she did not want to see me anymore. A bit drastic, but that is how it is here. She gives me two choices but when I choose the one thing she does not like, she withdraws the option. I was sorry for that, because she was the only Thai girl I really could have a real conversation with.

But I ask you now: How can you start a relationship by being dishonest? It is not a good sign of what is about to come. And a real relationship is about trust. Otherwise there is no need for a relationship, because you both could just carry on having sex with the rest of the world. I don't think this is the intention of a real relationship. It is the kind of the relationship I would call yeah I really love you baby, but I am in Bangkok and I have to sleep with all the other girls here too my dick says so. Or for her 'yeah baby I love you but I have to sleep around to see if I find a better guy than you'.

Most of the dating that is going on between Thais and Foreigners is merely a game and it can not lead to anything more than a shallow relationship, because it is doomed by sweet talk and lies from the start <EXCELLENT sentenceStick>. One other thing is true here, you will never get to know a girl much deeper in the following 2 years than you know her in the first 2 weeks.

If you want to play the kindergarten cop in Thailand, welcome to be my substitute. I am tired of playing the part. I want to be with grown up people again. Probably I have to leave the country for that.

Stickman's thoughts:

It is true that dating Thai women can be something of a mine field. Western style dating (seeing a number of people before marriage, sleeping with them, and not paying them money) is something of a new concept to Thailand – read perhaps the last 10 – 15 years, and that, combined with the internet and the ease with which people can be met, means that Thai women are sort of stuck in limbo, not sure whether to behave in the traditional Thai manner or as Westerners do.