New Found Empathy
I landed my spaceship in Thailand once again. As I journeyed again to this world like none other I have ever encountered, I wondered about the serious damage done to so many souls as they fall in love with the wonderful fruits Thailand has to offer.
My story leads me to a new found empathy for those out there who have been burned or hurt by the go-go and bargirls promise of love. In many cases the girls might play the cards, and in others, we might lay the cards down for them to play. I am married with two children, not quite 40, but in a relationship that has long expired sexually. I care for my wife, but we have been unable to come to peace with my libido and her lack thereof. My reasons to come to Thailand were for strictly the sexual adventures that I could pursue with beautiful young ladies. My friends gave me the playbook, talked about the game plans, and it was wonderful! The first couple of trips satisfied all of my desires, etched wonderful memories, and always ensured a return trip. My third trip started in the same way, but something happened which has caused me to write this story.
After reading Stick's weekly column, he wrote about some happening clubs so I visited Club La Boesche. This place has a good layout, a Jacuzzi tub with some nice close-up lesbian action, and an upstairs soapy show. There I met a young girl we will name "A". I barfined for the normal 600 Baht and proceeded on the playbook routine of drinks, after hours food, on to the hotel, and then to the main course. This is where the routine stopped and something happened that I haven't experienced before. This girl fit like a glove, we were in sync like we had been together in another life, and we effortlessly appreciated one another. I have had many great sexual romps in Bangkok and Pattaya, but this one permeated from my little head to my big head to my heart! Breaking all the rules I set for myself, I proceeded to spend the next four nights with "A" before departing back to my real world.
In these four wonderful days, this woman made me laugh, smile, appreciate, and feel really good! I think love is too strong a word to express my feelings, but certainly she was a different type of soul that intrigues me to this moment. Her warmth, good nature, and selflessness were a combination that weren't in the playbook. Her English was just as bad as my Thai, and when she finally understood that this was the end of our time, she broke down in tears. Whether an Oscar candidate or truly special as I ascribe her, I wanted to hold on. My flight back was rotten; I wanted to be back in Pattaya with her, and I arrived home. So the typical cheating on my wife guilt feelings I should have felt upon my arrival were delayed by my longing for "A". I had set up an email account for her and she had given me her phone number so we could stay in contact. I called the day after my arrival home, her night, and she answered. Of course, she was doing her job, with another customer, his English accent asking "Who's on the phone?" Her answer was a friend. She said miss you, come back to Pattaya and see me. She will call me later. I said goodbye. I hurt inside wishing I could be the one with her.
As I sit here and write about this experience, knowing that I have kids who love me, a family that cares for me, my mind starts to work. Imagine if my place was different (and I better be careful or the wife might make it different) and that the wonderful experience I had was not a luxury but a commodity / necessity I lacked and needed. I guess I now understand why so many men fall for the trappings of the bargirl. I know why in some way they try and maintain from a long distance, unfortunately trying to control and manage the inevitable by sending sums of money, or sacrificing in other ways. It hurts to be lonely and I can really now empathize with those who persevere and try to keep the sweet feeling alive. I used to think they were crazy, foolish, or just down right naive. Now, after tasting a bit of the sweet poison, I can and do empathize with all who try and maintain. I feel fortunate to have a forced shut off valve to squelch my feelings. The big question for me is: When I go back to Pattaya, do I see her again, knowing that no matter what she will be different? Guess if I were asked to choose one special power, I wish I could freeze time and place!
Don't see her again! No good can come of it….and anyway, she will likely have found someone else by the time you get back.