Readers' Submissions

If You Were My Boyfriend

  • Written by Anonymous
  • March 22nd, 2006
  • 5 min read


Well I agree, lately I have written some negative nonsense in the sense Thisneyland is so bad to me etc. Complaining on a high level, I know, just forget about it. Since 1:34 PM today I got over my thirty-eight Bangkok depression (this time without the use of Prozac by the way) and so this hopefully will cheer you up a bit too. Until my thirty-ninth depression comes along of course. Then you will have to suffer with me again.

Since there is nothing else to do in Bangkok other than chase girls, I have gone back on Bangkokchat. Imagine that. And in the first 30 minutes I got three dates. Lucky me, it feels just like the good old days. Talking about five hours to get one lousy date. Ha! That was Dr. Jekyll speaking for himself. Mr. Hide gets one date at 4 PM, one at 6 PM and one at 8 PM. Let’s concentrate on the date at 6 PM. Funny story really.

I have no idea why she wanted to swim. It was raining outside and there was some thunder. Because of the limited time available this evening I told her, maybe we should postpone it for tomorrow. But she said she had to take a friend to the airport. Right. So I said, well, then the day after tomorrow. Well she said she would be going to Pattaya with friends. Okay, greedy me I said fine, let’s meet at 6 PM in the lobby of my building. A couple of phone calls later I meet her in the lobby, after cleaning up all traces from the previous girl, like long black hairs in the sink and bracelets left behind, the usual stuff. No red blankets, no make up traces on the pillows. Good. I was positively surprised when I looked at my 6 PM swim date, because she had such a model-esque figure. I just talked to her briefly on the chat and asked her height. 168. (I have a taste for tall girls at the moment.) This girl was a stunner, body wise, the face was all right, nothing alarming.

To my room. Well of course we were supposed to go to the swimming pool floor, but sorry, I had to change. She changes with me. Then says: I am shy. If you would be my boyfriend you could see everything and turns away. Mmh. Okay point taken. So we go down. Damn, her legs are long. At the pool floor, nobody is around, like usual, she takes off her dress. Signal red bikini. She asked me in advance if it was okay to bring her 2 piece along. I have to say that her backside was nice, not too big, not too small, just in the right proportions and combined with the legs, what a sight! So she jumps in the water, I follow, then get out quick to get a ball, and we play a bit just to warm her up. But nothing unusual so far. She leans over the pool edge and I can not resist touching her legs just above the knees. It feels good. She goes, “I am shy. If you were my boyfriend, you could touch me.” Fair enough. She gets out of the water, I follow after a few minutes. We go back to my room.

She – straight to the bathroom. I just take off the wet shorts and wait for her on the bed. She comes out of the shower and wants to sit in the living room. I tell her to join me at the bedroom. She says, “I am shy. If you were my boyfriend, I could join you there.” Well I get up and help her walk into the bedroom. Not the gentlemen’s style, but we are not in the Paris opera here. We watch a silly movie, she likes it and I ask her to massage my neck. Of course I get undressed. Guess what she says. Yes exactly: “I am shy. I can only see my boyfriend naked, and since you are not my boyfriend I have to close my eyes.” Well she really closed her eyes, even when she was massaging something else than my shoulders.

One scene forward. She escaped me to the bathroom, because she suddenly realized what she was massaging. Right. Big tohobohu. To keep focused I ask her to take off her panties. She refuses of course. She says she has to go home now. I tell her she can go home a bit later, ten minutes or so and I take down her panties and let her sit on the edge of the sink. Of course I saw her saying it again, but I could not hear it because she pressed her legs on my ears.

We go back to the bedroom. She starts to tell me her life story. I had a boyfriend. He was Italian. And he was big. No, I mean he was huge. He was really huge. But then he left me. 3 months ago. I have never had a boyfriend before. She starts to cry.

Where did you meet him?

At the Novotel.

What do you mean? You met him at the Novotel Disco?

Yes he was the manager of the disco. I only went there one time with my friends. You know we should not have done this, because you are not my boyfriend pushes me away, cries, and two minutes later starts kissing me again.

Fifteen minutes later she packs her things and starts to leave. She needs a little help, but she finally walks out the door. Then the doorbell goes. She is back. I should not have done this. She sits on my sofa, starts to cry and asks me if she can stay until ten. My watch says its seven thirty. 30 minutes left until my next date arrives. Unfortunately I have to go out now and I start putting on my jeans. I take her to the elevator and walk her off the building. Ten minutes later I get an SMS from her:

Statler, can we love each other and be lovers?

Yes sure.

I know you don’t like a Thai girl to be your girlfriend but we didn’t try yet. Okay, so I will call you tomorrow. Have a good evening.

Sorry, I have to stop writing because the reception called and told me that my 8 PM date has arrived, actually 45 minutes late, but who cares. Better late than too early.

Stickman's thoughts:

I think Forrest Gump’s quote about the box of chocolates and not knowing what you’re going to get next is relevant with Thai women.