Readers' Submissions

Hating Men

  • Written by Anonymous
  • March 30th, 2006
  • 7 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

I enjoy the reader submission section of the website. The contributions are often informative and genuinely amusing. Of course there is a downside: numerous submissions remind you that we have professional writers for the same reason that we have professional plumbers and dentists: DIY in writing can be as disastrous as amateurism in other areas. There are too many rambling chronicles of the author’s number crunching dedication to casual sex, interspersed with pointless descriptions of their ongoing attempts to drain Asia of alcohol. And far too often the style is deadpan sub-Hemingway, designed to showcase the author as a street smart sophisticate. However after a few paragraphs of this your internal spam filters kick in and you simply stop reading.

But what is really objectionable is a considerable minority of submissions which are harder to forget. These seem to wallow in venom. And it is a venom, surprisingly for such a website, directed at western men in general, a venom which is more offensive than simple incompetence.

It’s so striking and the submissions are so alike in style and content that at times I’ve almost suspected a feminazi conspiracy. Maybe there’s a group of the sisters out there, I’ve reflected, who’ve set themselves the task of demoralising any western man who wants to travel to Thailand by regularly concocting this hate mail, using various pseudonyms and email addresses and computers. Certainly it would be hard for a bunch of man haters to show more contempt, and to show it with such heavy handed relish. Or maybe these effusions result instead from masochism, perhaps the authors are really writing about themselves, or about what they think they might become if they are not careful. Maybe it’s an exercise in purgation or avoidance.

Either way the themes and accompanying subtexts are often the same. Let us try to list them.

Theme/subtext number one: men who visit Thailand tend to be fat, bald, ugly and middle aged. In fact these adjectives come up so often that the authors should save us reading time by inventing a handy acronym: FBUMA. Now many men everywhere share these characteristics, and so do many women (apart from the baldness of course), and for that matter a great many young men (i.e. under 30) share in some or all of the dreadful characteristics, especially the fatness, which we are repeatedly told by the media is now epidemic in the West. And there are plenty of fat ugly young women to be found everywhere from Dagenham to Key West. But the point is that the male visitors, according to the said articles, are so fat bald and ugly and middle aged that it is essential to their very being: the troika of physical weaknesses represented by the words it is the key not only to their general unworthiness but to something deeply contemptible. Other people are just fat, bald and ugly and middle aged by accident as it were: male visitors to Thailand, in contrast really, really are these things, and by implication they deserve it. What else, but this feeling of retribution, of relishing the plight of the sinful, could explain the sheer contempt with which FBUMAs are described?

Theme/subtext number two: because they are fat, bald and ugly and middle aged such men cannot get regular sex or partners in their home countries. They are failures, losers, living in corners. They have lost out big time in the evolutionary struggle to spread their selfish genes via their sperm, as it were. And once or twice a year, because of the vagaries of exchange rates, they get to live like kings and to pretend that they are something other than they are.

Theme/subtext number three: such men regularly make fools of themselves. The one piece of baggage they always lose at the airport is their commonsense. They seek affection and validation from women who despise them and who see them only in terms of cash flow. They make the oldest mistake in relation to the oldest profession: they fall in love with prostitutes. In fact the only reason these women might prefer them to other men is the fact that their lack of zip makes them less demanding in the boudoir, despite the best efforts of the Viagra –section of the biochemical industry . And being older they generally have more money than young men, and of course they are desperate and therefore more likely to put up with bad treatment.

Now, these points will all at some stage or other have some truth in them. But they are by no means the whole story. But what is disappointing is not just the turgid, hate-filled tone with which they are conveyed. It’s the colossal naivety beneath the assumptions.

Let’s take theme/subtext number one. Yes, many male visitors to Thailand are physical and mental wrecks, way beyond first youth, displaying all the least compelling attributes of their maturity, just like a great many men who would never dream of visiting Thailand. But the reality is that many are not like this. They are young, physically fit, in all senses of the word, and devoid of unattractive character traits. And many of the older men are in good physical shape, well dressed, and wise enough to compensate for thinning hair via the use of Propecia and or the services of good hairdressers. And Asian culture is different: there are considerable numbers of Thai women, from bar girls to career girls, who do not share in the ageism of Anglo-American culture: they genuinely prefer older guys, for all sorts of reasons, some good some bad, and they know that there is more to being sexy than having a good physique..

Theme, subtext number two: this point is the most ignorant and hopeless of all. When you encounter it, the idea that all male visitors to Thailand are desperate losers, you wonder if the authors have ever spent any time inside a Western country. The fact is that 30 years of second rate feminism have created not equality but instead a vicious matriarchy in places like the UK and the USA and Western Europe. Socially, culturally and legally women and their offspring come first, men a long way behind. Therefore in sexual matters women are spoilt for choice, and inevitably, like anyone in such a position, they become fickle and contradictory. If anything Western women are sex tourists inside their own countries, picking and choosing and discarding on a whim, and the only differences with Thailand are that the tourists get their clients to pay, and the women treat the men far worse than western men treat Thai women. Divorce and infidelity are rampant and maleness is openly despised in the media and in what we might call value –endorsing institutions, from the churches to the universities.

Is it surprising then that some men get wise to this and look elsewhere for sexual and emotional satisfaction? If anything it’s the guys who stay behind, who put up with their slave status, who are the losers and the sad cases. Many western men who visit Thailand, young and old, have no particular difficulty in attracting women in their home countries. They just no longer see the value in being used as target practice for the institutionalised petulance and bitchiness of western femininity. Other options are cheaper, both emotionally and financially.

Theme, subtext number three-the Lovesick Fools Thesis. Yes, some men make fools of themselves over bargirls. Even good looking eligible men will do this. They are so thirsty for decent relationships after emerging from the desert of Western womanhood that they forget themselves. But this happens everywhere, not just in Thailand: it is clinically insane to imagine that Western women do not make idiots out of men in the same way that other women do. Many ‘respectable’ Western relationships are based heavily on the amount of

material wealth and or status that the man ‘brings to the table’. And of course the divorce and legal systems encourage the woman to view the man in ATM terms: after all she can shag his best friend and will still get the house, the car, the kids and an income for life, even though the courts recognise that she is the one who misbehaved. And many men come to Thailand and manage their encounters perfectly well, blending realism with prudence. And a number of them do enter into longer term relationships with results no worse, and in many cases a lot better, than those experienced in the West.

So, opting to spend a few weeks in Bangkok is often a logical decision, born out of choice not desperation, and it’s a shrewd choice for growing numbers of men. So for God’s sake let’s have a bit less of the anti-male rhetoric on this site. Most of us are not idiots and not losers, and we are certainly all human beings, and we do not need to be talked down to in such brutal terms."

Stickman's thoughts:

You would seem to be rather sensitive about this…. I am SURE there is no feminazi conspiracy as you suggest. Running this site, receiving 5-+ emails a day, EVERY DAY, I think I have a fairly good idea about the readership. While diverse, the site being targeted with articles from feminazis is something that has not happened.