Components Of A Good Girl
The past year has brought the good fortune of a year-long relationship with a "good girl". Early on in our relationship a Thailand buddy of mine told me that I was "lucky". This word stuck in my head and I am grateful to him for that
comment. The relationship has presented me with a few lessons that may be of value and/or interest to others.
1) The Money Factor
The first great thing about my tilac is that she has a good job, a bachelor's degree, and makes her own money working in an office of a a very well known upscale hotel in Bangkok. She has never asked me for a dime, never needed my financial support, and often pays for me because she is uncomfortable if I pay for too many things. No, my tilac is not rich. She probably only earns a fairly modest Thai wage. Often if she sees something that is a little pricey she declares, "too much money for Thai people!". Seemingly every other night she will pay our taxi fare, a modest dinner bill, or buy movie tickets. I was concerned that she must be spending too much money. Later I learned that she saves her money for when I am in Bangkok. She is able to do this because she lives like a Thai person. She has a room in a "women only" residence building, shops only at Thai markets, and avoids expensive Western items.
She does not like to see me spend money and will help me save money. She does not like dual pricing and often tries to get me the Thai price. This attitude is refreshing as she does not think that farang should pay more… or at least not me. The fact that she does not need or want financial support adds a lot of credibility to our relationship, and leads me to believe that her feelings are sincere in that they are not influenced by monetary needs.
2) Appearance & Influences
My tilac is cute but she is not a stunning beauty by any means. Herdress is conservative, either a long skirt, slacks or a business suit. I have only seen her in jeans ONCE when we were going sightseeing outside Bangkok on a weekend. She is in her mid twenties and has a good sense of who she is and how she wants to live. She is not interested in night clubs, never drinks ANY alcohol, and does not readily attract the eye of every male when she goes out. Her friends are similar. The combination of these factors makes a stable relationship easier.
3) Willing to Fight for the Relationship A wise submission on Stickman Bangkok stated that a Thai girl needs to be willing to fight a bit for the relationship. The girl needs to be a little tough to rise above the cultural challenges that arise in a Thai-Farang relationship. When we first started dating my tilac had to fight with her friends who did not want her to go out with me. Her family also has mixed feelings about her having a farang boyfriend. Because of our relationship, she really has to do some fancy footwork to keep her family relationship smooth. She is doing her best to appease them over time.
Every time we go out she must deal with the stereotypical attitudes of many Thai people who assume that I am buying her. Once we were eating in a market cafe, two Thai women at the next table said, "You know… too many students go with farang for money!" The comment was made in Thai deliberately loud enough for my tilac to hear. This is the type of negative attitude that a good Thai girl has to endure every time she goes out with a farang boyfriend.
Often my tilac will put my best interest ahead of hers. She very much fears that I will find another girlfriend someday but says, "if she is a good girl I will go away… but if she is not good for you I will fight for you". Once when she was missing me I mentioned that I amtrying to get new customers in my home country so I can spend more time in Thailand…. she replied, "I do not feel good that you must spend so much money to come to Thailand. I don't want you to hurt your bank account. Take good care of your self… I can wait."
My tilac was a virgin when we met. She told me so, but also having substantial experience with Thai women it was very clear to me that she was a virgin due to numerous physical and behavioral signs. As I am her first lover she has a very strong bond to me. Not overbearing. Rather she wants to be exactly what she thinks I want her to be. Often she says, "I will be a good girl".
When I am not in Thailand, she sends me email every day, with the exception of about 2 or 3 days per month that she could not get to the internet cafe. On most days we chat on MSN for about an hour. Sometimes she is very tired at the end of the work day but she still comes to chat to say good night.
A sure sign of a liar is inconsistency. I have never seen any inconsistency in anything that my tilac has told me. There are nocontradictions in her actions, the course of events, and what she says. Quite the opposite. All events, actions and statements confirm each other.
Over the New Year's holiday we were talking about life and the new year. I sketched a diagram about my life on a napkin. She did the same. (I highly recommend this exercise as the diagrams transcend linguistic barriers.) What I learned was her parents
come first (no surprise here)! I come second, and her sister, who she is quite close with, comes third. Based on what I know about Thai culture, ranking just under her parents is a big compliment. She says, "when my family is happy, and you
are happy, then I am happy".
I really do feel that I am quite lucky.
Sounds like you got a good one!