Stickman Readers' Submissions March 6th, 2006

An Average Day In Thailand

All of the following conversations are actually TRUE …


He Clinic Bangkok

A friend of mine and his Thai girlfriend decide to get fit by joining a fitness club somewhere in Bangkok. There is a special promotion being offered by one of the larger and well known gym companies here whereby one member can join and then take a friend along for free during the quieter periods at the gym, and so they decided to go for this one. As my friend was at work, his girlfriend decides to go and enrol for herself with the view of having him as her ‘free’ friend to take along with her…

Thai Girlfriend “I want to join your large well known fitness centre… can you tell me the deal please”

Well known Fitness Centre: “Sure, well the cost is 20,000 baht per year, payable monthly and you can bring a friend for ‘free’ on certain days when it is quiet.”

CBD bangkok

Thai Girlfriend: “Cool, sounds ideal. I will be bringing my boyfriend as my ‘free’ friend, is that ok?”

Well known Fitness Centre: “Sure not a problem”

Thai Girlfriend: “Great!”

She pays her deposit, sets up a direct debit using her credit card, collects her membership card and says she will be back on Saturday during one of the pre-designated quiet periods.

wonderland clinic

Saturday arrives…

She returns to the gym with her boyfriend in tow and she hands over her membership card

to the guy behind the desk at the reception.

Thai Girlfriend: “Hi there, here is my membership card…”

Well known Fitness Centre: “Thanks!”

He looks at her boyfriend and asks: “And you are?”

Thai Girlfriend: “Remember, when I was here on Wednesday, when I registered and you said I could bring a friend for ‘free’, well he is my boyfriend and I have brought him as my ‘free’ friend.”

Well known Fitness Centre: “Errr! You didn’t say he was a Farang!”

Thai Girlfriend: “So what’s that got to do with it?”

Well known Fitness Centre: “Well you can only bring a Thai in as a ‘free’ friend. He is a Farang. The price for farangs is 30,000 baht, therefore he has to pay!”

Thai Girlfriend: “But you didn’t tell me this when I enrolled on Wednesday and I did ask you if I could bring my boyfriend to which you said yes!”

Well known Fitness Centre: “Ah! But you didn’t say he was a Farang now did you… 30,000 baht please!”

Thai Girlfriend: “But he lives here… he works here… he even has a work permit to work here, by Buddha he even speaks Thai, our language! In fact, he is as much Thai as you and me! And… and… and… oh yeah, and can you also explain why the price is 20,000 baht for me but 30,000 baht for him?”

An impassive Thai blank face stares back….

The Thai girlfriend storms off dragging her farang boyfriend behind her vowing to cancel her membership…

Monday morning…

‘Brrrrring Brrrrring’ went my mates phone.

Thai Girlfriend: “Hi Darling, I am at the fitness centre…”

My Mate: “Great, did you discuss with them again about getting me membership explaining that I live here and have a work permit here etc… basically, am I allowed to join you as a ‘free’ friend or not?”

Thai Girlfriend: “No… I just wanted to let you know I was at the gym and the facilities are great… see you later.”

My Mate: “What the…”


It was early April, I had just finished my TEFL, I was sitting in my usual place, on my usual stool, in my usual bar, drinking one of my usual drinks that everyone usually slipped my way and I always enjoyed going there as it was a great place to people watch, to see the dynamics of the ladies and the bars and the people who frequented them. As I was a regular living there (in Phuket not the bar), no-one bothered me too much, and when they did it was to either chat when they were lonesome, to practice their English or to help me with my Thai but every so often, I would tune into a conversation or someone (usually a tourist) would invite themselves into starting one with me.

One night I was there and sitting behind me were two, shall we be polite and say ‘buxom peroxide blondes wearing short clothes that allowed their sensual scraggy thongs to peek out from beneath the folds’… and they were both from England and both very much portraying the look of a typical late thirties woman from let’s say the west end part of London.

I tuned in…

Bint 1: “Yew wanna know som’ink Jane?”

Bint 2: “Yeah, wha?”

Bint 1: “I’m sitting ere like, an, an I look around me like, and there is no way I would ever go owt wit a man back home if he told me that he has been to Thailand”

Bint 2: “Why’s tha’ Bev?”

Bint 1: “Well look at em, all these lovely sweet innocent Thai girls an they have to put up with all these dirty old sods, these men are just taken advantage like, yew know… it’s disgraceful?

Bint 2: “yeah I fink I understand yer Bev, but not all of ‘em are dirty ole sods, look at ‘im over there, he looks lovely.”

Bint 1: “Yeah, well, but yew know ee’s queer don’t cha? Look at the young Thai boy ee’s with. Why else would he be ‘ere looking so ‘ansome”, I mean he don’t need to come to Thailand an take advantage of these sweet innocent Thai ladies does ee with looks like tha’… ee’s Gay!”

Bint 2: “I guess yer right Bev, take a look at us two, we are pretty cute right, and I agree, we are definitely too good for ‘em, I hope no one comes and asks us for a date or offers to buy us a drink ‘cause I definitely would not want to be lowering my standards for any of ‘em.”

I look up at the ceiling trying not to guffaw loudly. I sat there thinking that these two women haven’t a clue as to why many of us come to Thailand in the first place and the difference we see between western women and Thai ladies. I smirked, took a slug of beer and thought “In your dreams ladies, in your dreams…” and then got back to watching all those alleged sweet innocent Thai girls they were talking about…


Mr Swede: “She’s lovely isn’t she?”

Me: “Huh! – Who?”

Mr Swede: “My girl, look at her…” He points to a girl dressed up in business clothes who I have seen many many times before at the bar.

I just nod… I dare not say anything.

Mr Swede: “She is a part owner in this bar you know, and she just manages the bar, doesn’t work like all the other girls do… she’s a real find, lovely girl”

Me: “U-huh!”

I nod again… I am trying hard not to roll my eyes and to keep a straight face. I was also thinking ‘WHAT!!!’ I know she doesn’t own anything in the bar, not even the stool she perks herself on and I also know that ALL the other girls in the bar hate her… she is bitchy, scheming and well I guess this was her latest spin.

Mr Swede: “She tells me you live her and are a teacher…”

Me: “Well… I live here, but I have not quite got around to the teaching part yet, that starts next month”

Mr Swede: “I see, but you know I admire people like you for making the journey and taking the risk of giving it all up back home to live out here, it must be great, I love Thailand! Have a drink on me”

Me: “Cheers mate…”

The conversation rolls on with me getting the occasional dirty look from his ‘lovely’ who was masquerading as the part bar owner… she was obviously wondering if I was going to drop her in it at any moment.

Mr Swede: “Can you do me a favour and just keep an eye on my girl for me when I go back home, I send her what I can afford you know, about 50 Euros a month. She says this is ok and enough for her, because she is a good girl you know, but can you make sure she is ok and send me an e-mail occasionally if you think she needs anything”

Me: “Errrr! Ok sure… give me your e-mail address then… oh and by the way, do you ever read Stickman Bangkok?”

Mr Swede: “No, I have never heard of it, what is it…”

Me: “Oh it’s just a web site, let me give you the web address and then when you get back home, go and have a read, it has some great stories about Thailand that you may be interested to read about before your next trip back here to see your erhum, girlfriend…”

Mr Swede: “Great, cheers for that, I'll try and have a look when I get back home… have another drink…”

Later, we parted our ways and one day later, I knew he was blissfully happy and on his way back to Sweden after such a lovely holiday. I thought nothing of it until 2 days later when I was back at the bar when up sidled his lady.

His Lady: “Hi Casanundra”; She was all sweetness and smiles; “I know you have Swede's e-mail address, are you going to email him? Please don’t tell him about the guy I am with now, will you…” She nods her head to a thick-necked German wearing a black Sabbath t-shirt and a Mullet come seagull come kagergoogoo type haircut in the corner.

I just smile and say nothing…

She smiles back and puts a bottle of whisky on the table in front of me and walks away… “No charge” she says…

Me: “Cheers…”

Stickman's thoughts:

Excellent stories!

Which gym was it? Tell me! I'll HAPPILY print the name of the place.

nana plaza