Readers' Submissions

Look Into My Eyes

  • Written by Kenny Craig
  • February 11th, 2006
  • 5 min read

OK. So after several years reading the submissions on the Great Stickman site it is time to put electron to computer screen and make a contribution… It has taken so long because I was not sure if I had anything original to say. There are so many insightful
and original submissions I felt redundant. However, I could not ignore the Great Stickman’s requests for more stories so here is mine.

I have been going to the LOS now for about 6 years. The first time was as a complete virgin. Not in the literal sense but having no idea about Thailand beyond it used to be called Siam and it was hot.

This I think was a good thing and if I remember to I will try to explain why.

I am your typical Stickman contributor…middle aged Adonis with a bank account as big as Thaksin’s ego and tackle that would make an elephant proud…you know the sort.

So after a lifetime of doing the right things, marriage, kids, houses, voting Conservative…it is time for a couple of weeks with the boys. Then I was unprepared. Today you all have had the benefit of the words of wisdom on this site. Do
you think this will make your experience better or worse?

I submit that it will not make much difference because once you are there you will look into the eyes of a siren (‘not around the eyes but in the eyes”) and fall under their spell.

Now if you are a completely jaundiced twat who is more cynical than a neutered spaniel then this might not be for you. But if you are vaguely normal even with a healthy skepticism then I submit it applies.

We all know Stick’s views on the subject of bargirls but he lives there, is young and in love. It is a great time and the fortunate among us have been there. I would bet that a good percentage of readers from Farang countries who are married still
feel good about their relationships and are not quite as bitter as some of the writers make out. But we are men and men with libidos. And we have our needs.

So what are we to do? Start an affair with someone at home? (Anybody who has ever done this understands the mental and physical effort this takes and it is just not worth it). Are we to visit hookers in our own country? I know it is hypocritical
but it is so unappealing. Somebody must be going to them judging by the numbers but honestly… It is not the same as in Thailand. (By the way I will stop rambling soon and mention the land of the free). So what is wrong with a couple of weeks
a year enjoying the not so guilty pleasures of the LBFMs?

So getting back to Kenny Craig and hypnotic spells (a character on ‘Little Britain…I haven’t seen the new one. Ting Tong, the katoey but is sounds funny). No matter how prepared you are you will fall under the spell.
I am a smart guy (did I forget the post grad degree and Nobel Prize?) but those eyes are hypnotic and you will fall into a trance for sure. But here is the thing. You may be a willing participant but once you go through Don Muang airport snap
your finger and get back in the room (or plane as the case may be).

It is one thing to have a girlfriend experience for a couple of weeks, quite another to have rescue fantasies about your tilac. No matter how smart you think you are she is cleverer by far at sucking you in (so to speak). Just let it go till
next time.

As a test I went for an afternoon drink in a bar beer on Second Road last time. You know, where they scream out "handsome man" and “love you long time”. This time I chose a pretty girl sitting with a friend (rather
than the other way round). She was slightly plump but very lovely and tried to speak the usual three or four things they normally say, but clearly had no understanding of English. She was from Buriram and had just arrived (10 days earlier), so
after a couple of minutes when she was very nervous I spoke some Thai to her (yes, you guessed, I am fluent in Thai). She just melted moved close and smiled …I looked into her eyes, not around the eyes, but in the eyes. This would never happen
in any other country unless you were as handsome as..say ..me actually…It is hypnotism. And it can be fun. They have universities for bar girls and most graduate with honours. Have you seen the little books they have to keep notes…written
in Thai and English? They trade notes, use what works and drop what doesn’t .That is why the stories become so familiar. (OK. short anecdote, sorry…picked up “new girl” in “sook sabai” go go in Pattaya
to go with “girl friend” and me ..speaks good English for a “new girl” so she is lectured to speak only Thai by gf…and by the way. .don’t mention the foursomes from last weekend when you were working in Soi
Cowboy. .Remember… “you new girl”).
Maybe you have to go through “due process”…buy the house in Isaan, weigh up the cost of divorce and quitting your job, getting a job as an English teacher (OK…the last one
is a bit far fetched).

Have a good time when you go there but leave it there and remember to snap your fingers. Be respectful…I know, Stick and others have their views but “us boys” having a good time for a couple of weeks is not meant to be disrespectful
of Thais or there way of life (OK ,some visitors are just pigs but I can’t speak for them).

And take what I say with a large pinch of nam bplaa…..it is not a Danish cartoon you know.

Stickman's thoughts:

If you are gonig to have your fun, treat the girls nicely, and then evveryone is a winner.