It Is What It Is

Moments of revelation, epiphanies from my latest trip to Bangkok

1. Traffic Sux—it gets worse EVERY TIME I go! Okay – not an epiphany…
2. A taxi is a taxi but if want to get there quick, hop a moto, yes they “ALWAYS” charge 40 baht no matter how far you are going but they are the quickest way from point A to point B especially when traffic is heavy. Okay you might be putting your life on the line, (“Danger Will Robinson”) a little but what is life without a little adrenaline rush now and then!
3. Why is a shortcut never a shortcut? Why does going from Soi 2 to Soi 22 require 20 minutes and a trip down 722 alley ways? The price was agreed too before we left???

   WHY, WHY, WHY??????? Holds True with a Moto or a Taxi

4. If I eat Imodium and Pepto Bismol (Gastro Bismol in Thailand) with every meal/beer/water is it possible to go to Thailand and not get the runny ass?
   
   1. Note: my personal favorite recipe for curing the runny ass – time proven to work each time – Pepto Bismol (Gastro Bismol – 60 baht – in Bangkok) with a cup of yoghurt, followed by 800mg of Motrin, continue with the Pepto Bismol each time you have diarrhea over the next couple of hours. I promise you will be back at your favorite activity in no time at all!
5. LOBW! The Land Of Beautiful Women. It amazes me each time I visit Thailand. The most beautiful women in the world are in Thailand! Airport, shops, along the street, etc… AMAZING!!! I admit it, I love the Isaan features-Dark Skin, White Teeth, Shiny Black Hair, yes I like it TOO MUCH!
6. Washington Square (between Soi 22 and 24) is a wonderful place, it has a true family atmosphere! The people there are kind, funny, and fun loving! The women are cute, friendly and give a wonderful massage while you are sitting at the bar drinking. Lone Star Saloon and Silver dollar epitomize the previous sentences. Thanks to Mekong Kurt for introducing me to the area!
7. I would love to say that I have stayed in every hotel in Bangkok but I can’t. However, I have stayed in 25 or so (mostly along Sukhumvit) and value for money JW Marriot is the best. For $106 per night the Executive Level suite cannot be beat—Free breakfast free dinner and drinking 1800-2100. The staff is phenomenal! They treat me as if I am special and I am NOT! If I think it or ask for it they do it! The Landmark is good too but “Value for Money” the JW has it hands down! On this note The Grand Majestic (30 yards from Soi Nana), 2000 baht, the rooms are large, w/in room safe, mini bar, large screen TV etc… for $50 bucks you can’t beat it.
8. KSK Travel, New Hotel Inn, and Massage Parlor (reminds me of “The Beaumont Airport, Hair Care and Tire Center) located beside Coffee World just past Soi Nana headed up Sukhumvit is a WONDERFUL place! The girls at the front are dedicated and hard working. I was trying to arrange a very difficult trip on a short/immediate notice (to China) and “Wan” was able to make it happen! Thanks to her and thanks to Mekong Kurt for the recommending them. Note: if the mother ship is full, a back up plan might be the New Hotel Inn – a nice clean safe room is 1200 baht per night—location, location, location… Don’t bother with a massage though. I can Jack myself off thank-you, I am MUCH better at it than anyone else—practice, practice, practice, plus I know “JUST” how I like it! Get the hand off my pecker, now the mouth is a different story…
9. Airports in Southeast Asia are Fun places to visit and travel through! On this trip I was in 6 different airports with similar results. People watching in any of them is extreme fun! On that note; if you are traveling and can read this; TAKE A DAMN SHOWER before you travel! I had to sit beside a stinky ass on the way from Bangkok to Taipei on my return trip. Yes the tattoos and Rastafarian hair are lovely, I don’t give a rats ass what you look like, how much dope you smoke/take, what clothes you wear, what your political beliefs are, what your religion is, just take a damn shower before you board the aircraft – body odor sux you skunk ass punk!
10. Most people (in Bangkok) are nice and mean well! Yes rip offs exist, but you can smell them a MILE off! For the very large majority of businesses (large and small) in Bangkok they are honest and trying to earn your business in the best way they can.
11. The demise of Soi Zero was greatly exaggerated! Soi Zero is doing fine. No, customers are not so plentiful that they are falling out of the place. But it is plenty to keep the fun going and happy times abound. NOTE: if you are prior military of any branch of any country I recommend going to Det – 5 in Soi Zero. It is a good place to meet people with similar experiences. Thanks to Bob and Lek for taking care of me while there, yet again!
12. While I am throwing around places that I like; if you are a fan of great rock and roll “Bully’s” on Sukhumvit between Soi two and Soi Nana is a wonderful place; it has a “live vibe” atmosphere, quality pool tables, several great beers on tap, live music on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, it is a bar to take your “date,” and for what it is worth the manager is a really good guy…
13. While in Bangkok get a haircut, manicure, pedicure and foot massage. It was my first time but I will never go again without getting it done. For $10 (including tip) it is hard to beat. Plus, I don’t have to cut my own toenails for a week or so… I hate cutting my toenails! LOBW, every single girl was BEAUTIFUL! AMAZING!

14. CUSTOMS – There has to be a BETTER WAY!!! Tell me why the long lines at customs? Does it have to be this way? It could/should be improved! Vietnam is the WORST!!! WHY, WHY, WHY??? It is easier getting into China than it is to Vietnam… unbelievable! Don Muang “ALWAYS” has long slow lines at customs and it is always annoying will the process be improved when we are flying into Chon Buri?

15. How many of us will forget Bangkok and will go straight to Pattaya when the new airport opens and the distance to Pattaya is cut in half? The pendulum swings… Homo Erectus investment advice “Buy Pattaya property now!” If you think it is high now? Just wait a few years after the new airport opens…
16. If you are a fan of Tandoori food – “Thailand is Heaven”
17. I just returned from my annual pilgrimage to LOBW and I am already making plans to return. Yes I have my petty bitches that increase in intensity with each return visit, yet “Value for Money” Thailand is still the best working vacation spot on earth!

Stickman's thoughts:

I liked number 10.