Stickman Readers' Submissions January 18th, 2006

A Moment Of Truth

The submission describes the first intimate conversation between me and my wife in a remote resort in Chiang Rai. We are still married happily. I was lucky to find such a wonderful person as my wife. It is a journey of love with a Thai lady from a poor
Isaan family of rice farmer. We do not know our future but so far everyday is blissful with her. After reading so many articles, I felt that I should share my own little experience.

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We both come near the window and look outside. It is a full moon night. We can see the river flowing below mountain, as if a stream of liquid silver. Every wave is smiling and dancing in joy. The whole of nature is in meditation. Occasional sounds murmur from the jungle and thicken the silence. I can see a faint yellow light on a faraway mountain peak. May be it is a Buddhist temple. We seat down on the bench facing each other near the window.

She asks me “How many times you came to Thailand to see ladies?” I can see a smile on her face, a question in her eyes.

I take a deep breath and tell her “Many many times. I also went to bars and saw many bar girls but I never felt something like this before.”

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She is now quite. May be she is thinking something. A nearby tree is casting a shadow on us. I see her long black hair shining even in darkness of the shadow. A deep desire to touch her hair is welling up. A spontaneous comment comes out of me “You have long nice hair. I really like long hair.”

She smiles gently and whispers “Yes I have long hair. My son often plays with it. We are very happy together, but now I need a man. A man, who can make our life warm, can be my husband and father of my son. Who can complete circle of our life”

Suddenly time stops; is there any thought in my mind searching for a decision? I have a choice to wait and let the moment pass by or I can be reborn again in a new relationship with a new life. With everyday passing by I am getting closer to death by one more day. So let my past dissolve into nothingness. Let me reborn again from this moment of love. I gently hold her hand. I can feel the roughness in her palm which is the result of grindingly hard life in a Isaan family. Suddenly I shiver. I feel a wave of energy is pulsating within me. I tell her “I found my family far from my home and all by myself.” Then I kiss her hand.

I feel she is melting down. It is not the moon light but the whole room is filled with her smile. A very soft voice whispers like a dream “I feel very warm now. I hope I can see sunshine after storm. I suffer too much after my ex-husband died. I was pregnant and nobody was close to me. Sometime I cried in front of my students in the class. But first time when I hear my son’s voice after I gave him born, I must response for him. With pure mind I now passed that time. Now I am ready for new relationship.” Her eyes are full of tears. I can see my reflection in that.

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I tell her “I love you.”

She looks at my eyes and asks “Can my son call you Pa? He never got touch of his father. I pity him too much.”

The baby is sleeping on the bed. His eyes are closed unaware of us and these moments which are defining part of his life. I can hear the sound of his breath, very slow and deep. I tenderly put my hand on his head. He is now like a ball of clay; we can
make what ever we want out of it. Now my heart is full of compassion, in Pali they call Karuna.

I nodded my head and told “Yes, you can teach him to call me Pa. We three can make one happy family.” I pause for a moment to evaluate what I am doing. How big is the commitment? But now there no turning back. A father is born
already and there are many witness to that; the flowing river, the full moon night and meditative mountains. Let it wash away everything what I have. Let its flow define our path of life full of compassion and love. She pulls my hand with an indication
to follow her. Then with a very intimate voice she tells “It is almost morning. We must sleep for sometime before he gets up.”

A silence engulfs the whole universe. The picture outside the window is gradually disappearing under the veil of mist. Only occasional sound of dogs barking from the near by hill tribe village will be heard. The cool breeze of early dawn is flowing from
river. I suddenly feel something new just happened in this world; a new relationship is born.

Stickman's thoughts:

Ain't love great?

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