A Good Girl On Samui

I came to Thailand about four months ago, this time to work. I had been to Thailand before on holiday and to take a TEFL course and loved it. I worked a year in Korea, and decided to get out and come here for a year because I wanted a change in climate and scenery. And I love it here. I love my job and I'm having a great time. Before I even boarded the plane, I swore that I would not get into a relationship with a girl, especially with a bargirl / working girl.

I was on the island of Koh Samui when I met Nit (not her real name). I was getting a massage in Chaweng and I just couldn't help but ask her out. She's a gorgeous 21 year-old girl from Nongkhai. We went to dinner that night with a friend of hers, and had a great time. The next night we went again, and the following night we went dancing at the Reggae Pub. It wasn't until that night (our third date) that she wanted to go back to my bungalow with me. In fact, she didn't even kiss me until that night. We had sex, and although it was a bit difficult and awkward at first, it was great. She later told me that she was a virgin before that night, and I believe her. She doesn't have a lot of experience with men, just one Thai boyfriend a few years ago.

Since I hadn't found work yet, I decided to stay on the island and look for work from there. Whenever I would be invited to interview, I'd just go to the town for a few days. Got to see Trang, Hat Yai, Pattaya, Chonburi, Bangkok, Chiang Mai, and Phuket this way. I'm very picky, so I waited around for more than a month before finally accepting a job, and the whole time I was dating Nit. She works in a massage place, but it's one of the better ones on the island. I checked it out and it's a proper massage place – no private rooms or curtains where the girls can perform "extra services." Everything is out in the open.

A few weeks in Nit told me that she loved me, and I had realized that I felt the same way. By this time we were having unprotected sex (she's a virgin, so no worries about disease), although I'd pull out in plenty of time – so no worries. She doesn't speak a whole lot of English, although she is getting better. We never fight, and she's never asked me for money. In fact, she sometimes pays for things and gets annoyed when we go to a place that's too expensive. The only time we ever had an argument was when I had to go up to Bangkok for an interview and I didn't want her to stay in my bungalow (I didn't trust her yet). She got really mad because I didn't trust her, and I finally relented and let her stay there while I was gone. Came back (early even), and I was worried for nothing. She does cry a lot, especially when I'm gone, and I'm convinced that she loves me more than I love her at this point.

I finally accepted a job near Pattaya (not in – I'd have to be a dirty old man to work in Pattaya!) and I left her in Koh Samui. I came back a month later during the Christmas holiday and spent 10 days with her. Again, she would sometimes pay for stuff like food, hotels, etc. (although I was paying for most, which I didn't mind doing). But she never once asked for money, even though she does claim to have a sick mother up north that she continually sends money to. I once offered her some money, but she got pissed at me for even offering. Again, I left her on Koh Samui after the holiday was over.

A few weeks ago she called me and told me that she wanted to ask me something. But she couldn't say, because she was convinced that I would be angry with her. Finally, today she asked me what she was afraid of asking me a few weeks ago. She wants to know if she could move up here with me and stay with me. She wants to try and look for a job here and stay with me at the same time. Now from the beginning, I've been very up front with her. I'm only in Thailand for a year, after which I will most likely go back to Korea or to Japan, where the salaries are much higher. I still have student loans to pay off (huge ones – 4 years of college and 2 years of grad school) and have no intention of staying here longer than a year. I have also told her that I have no intention of getting married any time soon, if ever. I told her this from the beginning, and at that time she didn't care. I

reminded her of these two things, and told her that I didn't want to hurt her. She's not too happy about this, and tells me "I stay with you for what? I want to go with you to Japan or to Korea." But she added that "If it's a problem for you, tell me. I don't want to stay with you if it's a problem for you. But no problem for me." I told her that we should both take some time and think about this, and that I wasn't angry at her for asking (how could I be?)

I have no doubt that she is a "good girl" as so many writers on here have nicknamed these types of girls. But I'm not kidding myself. I know there is little possibility of a future with this girl (I would expect the dowry to be at least 500k if I did decide to marry her because her parents still think she's a virgin), but I do care for her and I do love her. Should I just chuck the relationship because of this? Is there any hope?

Stickman's thoughts:

Doing the dirty with a "good girl" is a big deal in Thailand… Don't get me wrong, but even by being straight with her about your intentions, you probably shouldn't have done it – at least that is how most Thais would see it. If you were Thai, there is a very real chance you'd either be "forced" to marry her or would be "forced" to cough up a sum of money.