The Case Against Sin Sot – And Other Reasons Not To Give Thai Women Money
The Case Against Sin Soht – And Other Reasons Not To Give Thai Women Money
The Case against Sin Soht—and other reasons not to give Thai women money
“…be advised even by strangers, who have proved what sufferings await you, and shake your hands of this mad undertaking."
The quote above was a warning given to Anna Leonowans before taking a job as a governess at the Siamese court in the mid-19th century. Her book, of course, was the inspiration for “Anna and the King.” Her memoirs should be required reading for every farang who comes to Thailand. The Thais hate her and the book is banned. Do you know why? Because she describes them perfectly.
Let me say this straight out: If you are a farang, you don’t have to pay sin soht. Let me say this again: If you are a farang, you don’t have to pay sin soht. Do you know why you don’t have to pay? You are not Thai.
In the past, when a Thai couple got married, the wife’s parents would donate land to the couple, and the sin soht money donated by the groom’s parents was used to build a house or start a household. Or the money was returned to the couple when they had their first baby. It was money to be held in a kind of escrow for the couple. It wasn’t used to support the wife’s parents. And if the wife caused the marriage to break up, the man had every right to get his money/property back. People need to remember that Thailand is a developing country. The notion of throwing around cash as part of sin soht is a fairly new phenomena. Just as in the case of whores, farang pay far too much money for the type of women they are procuring for marriage. Of course, paying something for nothing is always too much when you should be getting it for free. Also, this whole notion of paying a dowry for a Thai woman is something akin to Thais celebrating Halloween or Christmas. Paying a dowry for a woman is a Chinese tradition. It isn’t even Thai. So basically you have a bunch of farang guys running around trying to be Chinese when they think they are being Thai. Pretty fxxxing absurd.
If your Thai woman is reasonable and understanding (which is usually never) she will neither expect nor will demand sin soht– and neither will her parents. But unfortunately, there are some Thai women, mostly whores and gold diggers, who will take advantage of a farang’s ignorance of Thai culture in order to con them out of some money.
I asked a Thai female friend of mine about this issue. This is what she said: “Yeah, there are many stupid farang out there. They marry these bad girls who tell that they have to pay sin soht just to get some money out of them. Foreigners don’t have to pay if they don’t want to. They can, but they are not required to. It is really up to them.” I asked her: “Did your dad pay?” She laughed: “He paid, but not much. And he got it back.” I asked: “Do you support your parents?” She laughed and said: “Support my parents? They are both doctors. They have other businesses on the side. They have thousands of rai of land. They still give me money and I still live at home. I have great parents.” I asked: “If you got married, would you expect your husband to financially support your parents in their old age?” She said: “Why you ask these questions? You want to get married?” Laughter. “If anything happened to my parents, I have my own money to take care of them.” Of course, my friend is from the higher echelons of Thai society, but of all the modern, educated Thai women with real jobs that I know, none of them cares about sin soht, and none of them expect farang to pay.
If a Thai woman ever tells you that you must pay sin soht to her because it is Thai culture, especially if she is a whore, run like the wind. Here is a little piece of advice to farang if they want to save themselves a lot of grief and heartache: Dump any Thai girl who says, “If you don’t give me money, you don’t love me.” Your Thai woman neither loves nor respects you if she expects a cash bonus just for the privilege of being in her presence (or out of her presence in a foreign country or on the internet). Indeed, a farang should never make an important life decision based on a Thai woman crying or throwing a fit. This is a trick that they use to manipulate men. Above all, don’t ever let a Thai girl give you an ultimatum. If she says, “It is me or the highway.” You always take the highway. Thai chicks are master manipulators and guilt trip artists. Once a Thai chick starts to give a farang a song and dance about his Thai cultural (financial) obligations towards her and her parents, he should run and run away fast, because her only purpose is to con him out of some dough. You don’t need to feel guilty or like a cheapskate because you didn’t fall for your future wife’s manipulation. And if you want to pay sin soht to give your in-laws' face, or to give your wife face, or to look like a big shot in front of your Thai wedding guests, do yourself a favor and forget about it, because nobody will care once the wedding is over. The Buddha taught that nothing is permanent. Whatever goodwill you think you’ve scored by doling out tons of money and gold for your bride won’t last. It won’t earn you love, face, or respect. If she tries to convince you otherwise, that is an illusion your chick has created so that she can look good and feel clever in front of others about the big fish she has just caught. As the Thais say: “Marnya ying lem roi gueen.” (A wise woman has a hundred plows.) The Thai women who ask for sin soht straight out are the honest ones, however. Hey, if they are greedy, it’s better to know up front then after the wedding, right? Though there are some Thai women who are so ingenious that they can get their farang to pay without even having to ask. Usually Thai women will hint around a subject (usually pertaining to money) yet will never come out and directly state what they want. Even though this is a characteristic of most women, Thai women have perfected it into an art form. Thai women can out-Freud Freud in the techniques of reverse psychology. When a Thai chick says, “Don’t give me money,” she means give me a lot of money. When a Thai chick says, “You don’t love me” she wants you to prove your love by giving her money. When a Thai chick says, “I don’t care, go take another girl,” she means don’t fxxk other chicks. When a Thai chick says, “You butterfly man,” she wants you to spend your money only on her. When a Thai chick says, “I don’t like Thai man,” she means she is fxxxing half the motorcycle taxi drivers on the street corner. When a Thai chick calls you “keenio” she wants you to prove that you are not cheap by giving her money. When a Thai chick says, “He only friend,” she is fxxxing her friend every which way. When a Thai chick says, “I love you. I want to marry you,” she means she wants you to send money every month. Thai chicks are so transparent, but most farang have their heads so far up their asses that they can’t see it. If farang want to have power over Thai women, listen to them carefully, acknowledge what they say, but don’t ever react. If you listen to this piece of advice, you’ll have a lot of power.
There is a big distinction between sin soht and a Thai woman’s obligations to her parents.
Let me make this point loud and clear so that farang get it: Sin Soht is not meant for the support of the wife’s parents. Let me say this again: SIN SOHT IS NOT INTENDED FOR THE SUPPORT OF THE WIFE’S PARENTS. Any Thai chick who tells you that you are obligated to support her parents because it is Thai culture is making a fool out of you. In Thai culture, katunyu and bun khun are what drive personal relationships. Katunyu means gratitude for one’s parents, teachers, patrons and monks for supporting them in life. Bun Khun is the obligation that a Thai has to her parents, teachers, patrons, etc for supporting her in life. A Thai woman will support her parents because she is katunyu and is paying off her bun khun debt to them; however, she never repays her bun khun to her parents entirely, so no amount of wealth your shower upon your country bumpkin in-laws will ever clear your wife’s debt to them. Get it straight: Your wife’s bun khun is not your responsibility. A farang doesn’t have bun khun or katunyu with his Thai in-laws, especially if his wife is a whore. What do you have to be grateful to your in-laws for? That they raised their daughter to be a whore and a gold digger. Regardless, farang never benefit from this cultural katunyu/bun khun, so they shouldn’t be ruled by it or have to pay for it. And even if you bent over backwards for your Thai in-laws, do you really think they will ever feel a bit of gratitude for all the things that you did for them? I seriously doubt it. I bet the most you will ever get from them is a big, dopey shit-eating grin. If you get satisfaction from giving your in-laws lots of money in exchange for big, dopey shit-eating grins, then by all means, do it. In a way, it makes sense—in freaky farang, Bizarro world. If a farang can give $50-100 to an ugly Thai whore for bad sex, then it makes sense in that world to give her parents ten of thousands of dollars (or euros) for insincere, betel nut stained grins.
There is a big distinction between Buddhist morality and Thai culture. A Thai woman who cheats and lies to get money to support her family is a bad Buddhist, but supposedly is a good Thai daughter if she does it to fulfill her obligations to her family. Buddhism doesn’t condone prostitution. Buddhism doesn’t condone cheating money out of people. Many Thais, on the other hand, condone both. Have you ever noticed how a Thai woman will always defend her lack of scruples with the lame excuse of supporting her family? To me, that is sick. Would you let your sister become a whore to support your mother? Would you let your daughter become a whore to support you? And why would any man marry a woman who would stoop so low as to become a prostitute in order to support their children? In the West, mothers like this would go to jail and their children would be taken away from them. Further, billions of poor women across the planet neither resort to prostitution nor scam foreigners to take care of their families. So why should Thai women be an exception to the rule? Besides, Thailand is not a poor country. It is only a poorly managed country.
Not all Thai women scam men for money. In fact, I think the opposite is true. Historically, Thai women have always been an important part of the economy. In comparison to other civilizations, Thai women have had more economic freedom than their sisters in the West and the rest of Asia. The 1950’s American family archetype–the nuclear families with the June Cleaver stay at home moms– never existed in Thailand. Believe it or not, more Thai women get university degrees than Thai men, and Thai women have always been a large part of the labor force. Look around you. Wherever you are in Thailand, women are working. It has always been this way. They work hard and for long hours, making relatively little money. Most Thai women take pride in their work. Normal, well-educated Thai women are responsible about their finances and plan for the future. Don’t let the mentally screwed up, money grubbing Thai chicks convince you otherwise. Further, Thailand is at full employment with a 1-3 % unemployment rate. There is no reasonable excuse for Thai women to become prostitutes or scam men out of money—unless it is out of greed and laziness.
I don’t think Thai women are the root of the problem when it comes to money issues between them and farang. If there weren’t stupid men out there willing to shell out money for them every time they shook their little asses, they would have no reason to prostitute themselves or to scam men for money in the first place. Whores and the gold diggers would have absolutely no power without your money. Many whoremongers across the globe probably passed out from that last sentence. They will say, “Gee whiz, if I don’t give my whore or Thai girlfriend money, she will stop calling me “hansum man,” she will stop having sex with me, and she will probably not want to marry me.” This is what I call the farang’s paradox: A farang tries to buy his Thai woman’s affection and body with cash payments, gold and sin soht, yet deludes himself into thinking that his Thai girlfriend or bride is in the relationship with him for love, his good looks and charming personality, then after the relationship fails he blames the girl when he finds out she was only after his money. And farang wonder why their relationships with Thai women fail. Maybe it’s because they suffer from cognitive dissonance. If you really want to know what your Thai girlfriend or wife thinks of you, don’t give her any money. That really is the ultimate acid test. Thai woman don’t need your money. They may want your money, but they certainly don’t need it to survive. If Thailand’s sex industry and the farang it caters to disappeared from the face of the Earth tomorrow, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, because those Thai women who sell their bodies and scam men for money would certainly find other things to do with their lives, just like the vast majority of Thai women who don’t prostitute themselves.
I think that the reason why prostitution is so ubiquitous in Thailand is because Thai women have been using sex and manipulation for centuries in order to get what they want. Thai women really see their sexuality as a powerful tool– and in many cases their only tool. If that tool is going to make them some money or get them some power, so be it. They know that both Thai and farang men will jump through hoops for their pussies. And the evidence for this is quite obvious: Hundreds of thousands of men travel across the globe to Thailand every year just to pay for the privilege of having sex with Thai women; and the Thai pussy market for Thai men is even much more massive than the one for foreigners. So Thai women have been conditioned to think that their pussies are made of gold and that men are willing to give up their sanity and pay any price for that gold. On this note: See Humphrey Bogart’s performance in the movie, “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.” Personally, I think Thai women and their pussies are highly over-rated, but what am I going to believe: The marketplace for Thai women or my own lying eyes.
Has there ever been a national crisis so dire in Thailand that there was mass famine and homelessness? The answer is never. Contrary to the conventional wisdom, prostitution is not a job of last resort for Thai women to survive, but rather it’s a vocation for the lazy, the uneducated, and for those who want non-essential material possessions that they can’t otherwise afford. Those farang who believe that those girls they see working in the red light districts or working the internet scamming farang can’t do anything else to make legitimate money are simply deluded. Thai women who whore around and scam foreigners out of money do so out of choice. Thai women can choose to work for 150 baht a day cleaning toilets, choose to make 1,500 baht a night banging fat farang, or choose to sweet talk chumps jerking off on the internet into sending them free money to pay for their lavish lifestyles. Let’s be honest: Most Thai women who go after farang are not the cream of the crop; actually, they are the bottom of the barrel. And these women are perfectly aware of this fact, which is why they chase gullible farang for a quick, easy buck instead of chasing tuk tuk drivers and security guards without a satang to their names. This type of woman can choose to marry a Thai man who makes no more than 5,000 baht as a farmer or motorcycle taxi or chose to scam 50,000 baht a month from some dumb Brit (or American or Aussie or Canadian) from overseas. If you are the type of guy who thinks it is acceptable to treat women as commodities, I will let you in on a few trade secrets. Anybody can get a hot (and I mean exceptionally hot, not a refugee from the Planet of the Apes from Nana or CM2) Thai girlfriend in Bangkok for 5,000 baht a month, and upcountry it is even less. Anybody can get a fresh girl right off the farm for a lifetime payment of 40,000 baht. These are the prices that Thai men pay. Of course, you’re free to over spend your hard earned money anyway that you wish, but once you willingly hand over your money to a Thai whore or a charlatan, you really have given up your right to complain. I know there are many guys out there who will be screaming at this submission: “But you don’t understand. I was duped.” If you don’t want to be duped, don’t give Thai women any money. It really is a very simple solution. Any guy who makes cash payments the foundation of his relationship with Thai women is really setting himself for disaster. And farang are not doing Thai women any favors by conditioning them to see money and the distorted notion of “take care” as the only cornerstones of a loving and committed relationship. The farang who really are the worst of the lot are the ones who give money to Thai women just for the heck of it. Believe me, there are many morons who do this. I was talking to this girl just the other day at Starbucks. Do you know what she does for a living? She hunts the discos and the internet for men who are willing to take care of her—and she is far from being hot. She doesn’t do anything except give these idiots some song and dance about how poor she is. If you can fork out 150 baht for coffee everyday and 1,500 baht for a wireless internet connection card, you are not living from hand to mouth. Nevertheless, she has morons on the internet sending her money all the time. One guy sent her 20,000 baht a few weeks ago—and they have never even met. It’s unbelievable, yet it happens. It really amazes me that there are some guys who are afraid of using their credit cards online, yet will send money to stupid Thai chicks they met in dodgy chat rooms after a few hours. Then there are the guys who send monthly stipends of up to 60,000 baht a month to Thai chicks for absolutely no reason at all (and these are probably the same assholes who think it is immoral to tip service people who actually work hard for a living). I am starting to think that these farang have a money fetish and sexually get off giving money to Thai women for free. I am serious about this. There should be brothels in Thailand where women just sit around and wait for farang to come in and hand money to them for free. Oh, I forgot, they have that already. It’s called a bar fine.
Do you guys know what kind of corrupting influence this is having on Thai women? It’s like you are creating a welfare state for them. These chicks think they are entitled to your money just because they send a few sweet words or tears your way. Trust me when I tell you that these Thai chicks are not grateful when you throw money at them; instead, they have become conditioned by this type of moronic behavior and expect more of the same from every idiot farang who crosses their path. Do farang really get that there are hundreds of Thai women working the internet everyday searching for stupid farang who give away their money for free? And the only reason that these women do it is because farang make it possible for them.
There are two Thailands.
There is the legitimate Thailand. In legitimate Thailand, Thai women don’t sucker men out of money. This is the Thailand where women don’t see men as ATM machines. This is the Thailand where Thai women don’t con men out of paying sin soht. This is the Thailand where Thai women have their own jobs and businesses and don’t have to rely on men for their financial success and stability. This is the Thailand where the parents of Thai women don’t want their daughters to become prostitutes or marnyaying. This is the Thailand where parents encourage their daughters to get educated and be successful in their own right. This is the Thailand where Thai parents don’t see a farang as a walking ATM machine. This is the Thailand where the Thai parents actually do everything in their power to support their daughter in having a successful life and marriage. This is the Thailand where love is more important to women than money. This Thailand exists, but it won’t be easy to find in the red-light districts of Sukhumvit or Pattaya or on Bangkokchat.org or on Thailandfriends.com.
There is an illegitimate Thailand also. In illegitimate Thailand, Thai women go to bars, work in brothels and massage parlors, and chat on the internet in order to sucker men out of money. That is their job. I know the sex tourist/sexpat conventional wisdom believes that these girls enter the whore rackets in order to meet and marry farang for love. Think again. These Thai women use their sex organs rather than their brain organ to financially succeed in life. This is the Thailand where the daughter has to sell herself in order to pay for her father’s drinking binges and her mother’s gambling debts. This is the Thailand where the women are too lazy or too stupid to do well in school. This is the Thailand where the Thai woman decided to get back at all men, because her father molested her. This is the Thailand where the woman wants a shiny new mobile or a car, but doesn’t have the patience to earn it in her own right or wants to compete with her friends, materialistically. This is the Thailand where the woman goes looking for stupid farang in order to solve all her financial problems. This is the Thailand where a woman goes looking for a farang because she is having an existential crisis and wants to escape Thailand. This is the Thailand where the woman looks for the sugar daddy farang because her real father was a real dick and was never there for her. This is the Thailand where the parents want their daughters to be their 401k plan. This is the Thailand where parents manipulate and guilt trip their daughters into selling their bodies so that they can live high on the hog. This is the Thailand where parents and daughters both see farang (and their sin soht) as winning lottery numbers. This is the Thailand where a Thai woman equates “love” with financial security for her, her parents, her extended family, her mangda, and her water buffalo.
Unfortunately, many farang get caught up in illegitimate Thailand, thinking all Thai people are just the same, but the fact is Sukhumvit Road, Pattaya, and the creepy internet chat rooms are really the poorest reflections of Thailand. But hey, if you are going to look for a girlfriend or a wife in brothels, right-light districts, and dubious web sites, what do you really expect to get other than lies and deception. If you go looking for love in all the wrong places, you will find it, but ask yourself: at what price.
Many farang actually think they are adhering to the rules of Thai culture by paying sin soht to a whore. Who convinced them of this bullshit? If you really want to play by the rules of Thai culture, you shouldn’t be paying anything, not one satang, to your whore. Instead, she should be on her hands and knees kissing your feet, thanking you for saving her from a whore’s life. Ask yourself: How much would a Thai man pay for my whore? When you think about this, really consider her black skin, her tattoos, her drug habit, her stretch marks, and her saggy A cups. A whore is spoiled goods, so a Thai man would pay nothing. What Thai man in his right mind would pay sin soht for a prostitute? Not one. If farang really want to play by the Thai rules, then for one, don’t marry whores, and two, don’t pay sin soht to them or their parents. Why do farang think Thai women enter the farang-oriented prostitution game for? Really, think about it. Could it perhaps be for the satisfaction of rubbing the fat bellies and bald heads of ugly, old men with no brains? Perhaps not. The reason they enter that game is because no self-respecting Thai man would touch them with a ten foot poll–except those pimps who are making money off of them. Why would any farang with any dignity and self-respect want to pay for Thai men’s rejects? Essentially, that is what you are getting.
According to Thai culture, one should not marry beneath his social status. Actually, a Thai woman should bring the man status. She should bring something to the marriage. That is real Thai culture. What does your whore bring to the marriage besides bastard children, a bad nose job, tattoos, stretch marks and venereal diseases? Does your whore bring marketable skills, education, morality, money, a good family, what? She should bring something. She shouldn’t be sponging off you, taking advantage of your stupidity and your desperation. Let’s be honest: A farang man would never give a farang woman tens of thousands of dollars or euros for a dowry. So what is the point in giving it to a Thai woman? Is it to feel like a big shot? Is it really out of love or is there some pay off that you expect from it? If you pay it, is your wife going to fxxk any better, clean any better, cook any better? If you pay it, will she be more kind, more loyal, and more loving if you hadn’t paid it? I think the answer to these questions is no. Farang have a choice: They can either take personal responsibility for their actions or they can write pathetic stories to Stickman about how they were victimized by Thai women. If you don’t want to be a victim, listen to the Beatles: Money can’t buy you love.
Let me give you a little historical background on the role of women in Thai society.
In the past, Thais had a very rigid feudal system that I will call Sakdina. Under Sakdina, every free Thai man had a Sakdina number (higher the rank, higher the number) and/or a royal title—Khun, Luang, Chao, Chao Phrya, etc. Since Thai women were considered their husband’s or father’s property, they didn’t have titles—except if they were a member of the royal family (princess) or a wife of a noble (khunying). Back in those days, Thai men had many wives and concubines. Those women were informally ranked according to the rank of their fathers and their mothers. So if a woman was from a high-ranking family, she was a full wife entitled to more status and privileges than the other wives. In a Thai man’s household, all women would be ranked sequentially according to their place on the sakdina totem poll. If the woman was a daughter of a peasant, she would be ranked at the bottom with no power or privilege. Why is this important? It is important because the feudal mentality still exists in Thailand.
In the good old days, when a Thai man married a woman from a family of high rank, he would benefit from his relationship with his wife’s family, and his wife’s family would gain from the relationship as well. The two families would share wealth, land, skills, and political connections. It was a symbiotic relationship based upon mutual benefit, which was why Thais preferred and still prefer to marry within their own class. In the past, some members of Thai nobility would marry into wealthy Chinese merchant families in order to gain access to capital and in turn the Chinese would get access to the court and receive favorable business concessions. After the coup in 1932, the families of military and police generals would inter-marry to secure political alliances. Today, most noveau-riche Thai-Chinese families inter-marry amongst each other. If you were a part of the Thai elite, you didn’t marry beneath your station. The notion purported by some of Stickman’s readers that men are supposed to raise women up and give them status is not supported by Thai culture. Even today, Thai men don’t go looking for poor women to marry. They would never marry hookers and put them up on a pedestal as first wife. It would never happen. It is the woman who gives the man face and status—not the other way around. Even if you are a multi-millionaire farang and have a hooker for a wife, it won’t matter how much money you or your wife has, the only thing the Thais will notice is that your wife is a hooker. And from that moment on, you will be known as the stupid farang millionaire who married an ugly hooker. That will be your identity.
During feudal times, if a man married a woman of a higher class than himself, he stood to benefit, yet if he married beneath him, he would lose his status. When a slave (in Thai, ka) or a peasant (in Thai, phrai) gave his daughter to a lord (in Thai, nai) to be part of his harem, the family might get something from that arrangement, but it certainly wouldn’t be tons of gold or property. The daughter, however, would become a low ranked concubine. Her duties were to fxxk the lord on command and be a slave to all the other wives and concubines. Whatever the arrangement was, it was up to the nai’s discretion. This slave girl was expendable, however. If she pissed off the nai, she would be sent back to her family in disgrace. Let me make this clear: The slave or phrai didn’t dictate to the nai the parameters of the relationship. In the modern sense, as a farang, you are the one with the nai status, and your whore is just lucky to even know you. As a farang, you are the one with all the money and power; therefore, it is you who should decide the parameters of your relationship. It is you who should decide who, when and what you are going to pay.
Since a farang has money, or perceived to have money, he will always, always outrank any whore—even though she has brought down his social status in the eyes of Thai society. Nonetheless, within the boundaries of his own family, he is the master of the domain. The figurative slaves and peasants in his new family shouldn’t be dictating to him the rules of the game. They have no leverage. They have no capital to support him. They have no social standing to help him make it in Thailand. They don’t have anything to offer him, and because of this, he shouldn’t have to pay one satang for sin soht. Instead, a whore should be thanking her lucky stars that somebody is willing to love her and her family—especially with all her baggage. They should be groveling on their hands and knees in his presence. But it seems like most farang just let the slaves rule the plantation, when, in fact, it should be the other way around.
Sakdina still exists in Thailand, but it’s a cultural rather than a legal system now. When you hear Thais talking about Thai culture they are usually referring to the sakdina mentality. Except for the Royal Family and monks, nobody is ranked according to royal/feudal title anymore. After the 1932 revolution that toppled the absolute monarchy, sakdina and royal titles were officially abolished. Actually some titles are still given out, but they are given for public service and don’t carry any real political power. But now, a Thai’s social status is determined by class, education, region of origin, skin color, wealth, title, and profession. Thais rarely marry outside their class, and they are extremely dumbfounded when wealthy, educated farang marry and pay outrageous sin soht to lowly whores and lower class Thai women with no education, social status, money, property, or power. And Thais are even more shocked when stupid farang let their whores rule the roost. Let me make this clear so you all get it: If you are marrying somebody beneath your social status, your wife and her family have no right to make any demands from you. They are not bringing anything to the table. In Thailand, marriage is an alliance, a two-way street. If out of the kindness of your heart you decide to raise your wife’s family up then, according to Thai culture, they should be eternally grateful and obligated towards you instead of taking advantage of your good nature and robbing you for all your worth. In other others words, they should give you the respect of a patron, which is essentially what you are, rather than treat you as if you were a magic buffalo who shits money and gold on demand.
Since farang have never been part of the official or cultural Sakdina system (except in a few rare circumstances) they shouldn’t have to pay sin soht. Since farang families rarely enter into mutually beneficial relationships with Thai families, they shouldn’t have to pay sin soht. Since farang will never be integral to the Thai social system and never be full participants of Thai cultural norms and values, they shouldn’t have to pay sin soht. Don’t let your Thai woman dictate to you about your responsibilities to Thai culture when that culture isn’t going to do anything for you except cost you money. Most Thai women just pull the Thai culture card out of their butts just to get you to do something for them on your dime, or they use it to avoid making a rational intelligent argument.
The reason why Thais hide behind Thai culture and face and avoid confrontation is because they essentially have no integrity. Many farang think Thais don’t have the word integrity in their vocabulary. Actually, they have two words for it: burunaphop and sutjavaja. Anyway, when Thais want to avoid responsibility for not keeping their commitments (phantasunya), they always hide behind face (na) and culture (prophenee; it means custom, but wattanatham, the word for culture, wouldn’t be the appropriate word for what I mean.) The real reason why Thais never want to confront anything is because they don’t ever want to be responsible (mee khwam rap pid chop) for their shitty integrity. Think about it: If you had integrity and were a responsible person, would you really give a shit about face and confrontation? Of course not, because you would have nothing to hide. I’ll let you guys in a little secret about Thai woman. If you ever catch one in a lie, watch how she reacts, because the way she reacts will tell you everything about her true personality. For example, if your girlfriend is caught in a lie and blames others, then you know that she is the type who never takes personal responsibility for anything. If your girlfriend denies telling a lie, even though the evidence is staring her in the face, then you will know this girl is deceptive in everything she says and does. If you catch your girlfriend ever lying about having other men, then you know she has a bunch of guys on the side. If your Thai chick lies to you, and she says she does it to spare your feelings, then you know she has done some pretty nasty shit to hurt your feelings.
The only reason people lie is because they want to avoid being responsible for the truth. The reason Thais lie all the time is because they hate taking responsibility for anything, and as a culture, they have accepted non-confrontation and cover-up as the best way to deal with lies rather than being responsible and owning up to the truth. Nobody has perfect integrity. As human beings, we all make mistakes. But people have a choice: one can be committed to integrity, fail at it sometimes, and take responsibility for those failings; or, one can be committed to a life of dishonesty, deceit, cover-up, and irresponsibility. Which choice do you think Thais mostly make? Call me a traditionalist, but I think marriage is a lifetime commitment. If I were to get married, beauty, brains, and sex would fall far behind integrity on my priority list. What I don’t get about farang in Thailand is that it seems to me that integrity is the thing they care about the most–only after the relationship fails. From my own life experience I have learned that people who are dishonest usually remain dishonest and never reform their wicked ways. So if your little Thai darling is a con artist, I seriously doubt all your cash donations to her will transform her into Mother Theresa.
I have noticed that when I first meet a Thai woman, the first thing she does is check out my social status. She’ll ask me about where I come from, about what I do, about where I live, about my college degrees, about how many employees work under me, do I have a car, and do I own or rent, etc. I used to think: Who does this chick think she is? She really has got some nerve trying to size me up. But then I realized that these questions shouldn’t be about me, they should be about the girl. Why is that I have to prove my worth to her? She should prove herself to me. If a Thai woman is going to judge your human worth based on these superficial things, you have every right to turn the tables on her, and you have Thai culture to defend you. For example, don’t let some dumpy looking secretary from Nakhon Nowhere with her worthless degree from Ramkhamhaeng University who makes 5,000 baht a month working at some crappy Thai company make judgments about you. Farang shouldn’t be bending over backwards for these chicks. A dumpy secretary with no Thai prospects for marriage and no money has no right to judge a farang or make demands from him. And the whores who think their pussies are made out of gold are even more ridiculous. A Thai whore is the last person in the world to judge or demand from anybody, especially since her international reputation is barely one notch above an Al Qaeda terrorist. There is nothing more absurd in this world than a Thai whore who thinks her shit don’t stink, expecting every farang who comes her way to hand the world over to her on a silver platter—and trust me, this is how they really think. Instead of tap dancing for his whore, farang should remember that her worth only comes from whatever he is willing to pay; otherwise, she is worthless. When I say worthless, I don’t mean to sound cruel. I’m just being honest. In real Thai society, they would have no power at all. They’d be maids, rice farmers, nannies, waitresses, wives of construction workers and tuk tuk drivers, or slinging som tam on the streets. I think farang need to realize that they have a lot of power, because you are the only thing that gives these whores any power. What would your whores and Thai girlfriends do without you? Would they ever have their mobiles, their drugs, their mangdas, their motorbikes, their clothes, and their vacations? The answer is no. So on top of all that, why should you have to give them a cash bonus, gold, and a lifetime pension to their parents? I think Thais are friendly, but they are the most ungrateful people I have ever come across in my life. And the reason they are ungrateful is because nobody ever makes them accountable for anything. So stop giving money to these chicks when they don’t deserve it and have done nothing to earn it. Farang need to cut it out, really. Stop giving money to these chicks for free. It just makes them spoiled, arrogant, and ungrateful. Farang will start to have a lot of power once they realize that they are entitled to call the shots and make all the rules in their relationships with Thai women. When farang start exercising their power, Thai women will stop treating them as though they are magic buffalo that shit money and gold on demand.
If you are a farang who wants to marry a Thai whore, here is the sin soht rule: You do not have to pay sin soht for her. Not one single satang. She is spoiled goods. Her chances of finding a Thai man to marry and getting sin soht are zero. Your whore knows she is spoiled goods and her family knows she is spoiled goods. You are an idiot if you pay and they know you are an idiot if you pay. By the term spoiled goods, I mean two things: First, if your Thai girlfriend is not a virgin and works as a whore, there is no need to negotiate sin soht, because there is nothing to negotiate over. Second, she is spoiled goods because she is a disgraced whore without any redeeming social value. If a Thai man doesn’t have to pay sin soht for women like this, then you as a farang don’t have to pay either. If you think you are obligated to pay, you’re wrong. If your whore says you are required to pay, she is lying.
Farang often wonder what they should pay for a normal girl of the same class as themselves. This is my advice to you. It is simple and reasonable. And it won’t cause you to sell out your pride and dignity. You fork out no more than what you would pay for the engagement ring and the wedding ring for a Western wife. There could be some value to sin soht paid in kind if it used for the right intentions. I see nothing wrong in using it for a first house or saving it as a nest age for the first child, but that is something you decide together as a couple. But don’t pay it to make your in-laws look like big shots or use it to pay off their debts or because your wife gave you a guilt trip.
As for the wedding, the cost, traditionally, is recouped by the guest’s contributions.
Again, I want to make this obvious point crystal clear: If you are a farang, you are not Thai, and because you are not Thai, you don’t get the benefits of being Thai. Since you don’t live by Thai rules and cultural obligations you don’t have to pay sin soht. It is neither your duty nor your obligation. If you decide to ignore me and have committed yourself to paying it, pay only what the woman would be worth as if though she was marrying a Thai man. In other words, don’t pay according to what you can afford, but only pay according to what value she brings to the marriage. If your fiancé is a whore, you pay nothing.
In conclusion, when many Thai women marry farang, they expect to have all the rights and privileges of having a western husband, yet when it comes to sin soht, they want their husbands to act like Thai men, which to me is a load of crap. If a Thai woman
wants her farang husband to act like a Thai, then she should act like a traditional Thai wife, which means cooking, cleaning, fxxking on demand, managing the household, raising the children, bowing down to her husband’s feet at night, and
turning a blind eye to mia nois. And she should also bring something to the table in terms of face, class, money, education, and social power. If a farang is going to pay for the so-called privileges of marrying a Thai woman,
he should at least get what he paid for. If a Thai woman is going to offer herself up as a marketable commodity, then the buyer really should ask himself what this commodity is really worth to him. A farang shouldn’t let his loneliness,
desperation, and penis dictate important financial decisions with a Thai woman, because once a Thai chick has pussy whipped him into paying sin soht (or for anything else), she thinks she has got him by the balls for life.
Wow, now the cat is well and truly amongst the pigeons. While in parts I thought you were a little on the harsh side, overall I agree entirely with the message – and your conclusion is, in my opinion, spot on.