Sin Sot, My Rebuttal
I recently enjoyed reading the reader submission: “The Case against Sin Sot – And Other Reasons Not to Give Thai Women Money" by Camuschula.
I thought the article was hard hitting and direct. This is true testimonial to the Western at “in-the-face, let’s be honest and direct” attitude. Very nice…
Let me start by saying I do not share this negative (read: put down) of Thai females. I also have now seen too many negative reader submissions on Stickman, so it is time to speak up.
I am Farang, but I do not have the same experiences as Camuschula.
I am currently in a long term relationship (about 2 years) with a Thai female, but I do not frequent the bars for female companionship. I spend time with only ONE girl, and enjoy it more than hanging out with girls in “fake love” relationships.
I prefer real love, and the sex is ten times better. I highly recommend it, for those who have not tried it. (smile)
I have also discussed the bridal gift (sin-sot, dowry or whatever you want to call it) with my fiancée, but it has all been smooth and no feelings of myself being looked upon as a financial windfall for her family.
I do agree the many authors on the Stickman website that warn against the many – and devious – ways that Thai bar-girls try to extract money out of Farangs. There is no argument here. I am not talking about Thai bar girls – I am talking about straight Thai girls, with normal daytime jobs.
However, I do agree sin-sot can be abused, and here is where I think you should draw the line with Thailand females and the infamous “bridal gift”:
1) When you ‘feel’ the money issue has become too big and unreasonable (you be the judge, since there is no hard rule about this), you should put your foot down and say NO.
2) You feel greed and lust for money (by the future wife or the family) has overcome the feeling of love – OR HAS GONE OUTSIDE OF YOUR NORMAL LIVING BUDGET.
However, do you really care so much if you “throw away” a few percent of your monthly budget, on Thai in-laws?
I used to spend around $6.00 a day on Starbucks coffee in the US. That is about 7200 baht per month. Keep in mind; this is the average salary for an office worker in Bangkok! Just a few less cups of expensive coffee per day, and you can save the money for your in-laws. You will not miss the caffeine, after a couple days of withdrawal effects, and you will get some great new friends from your in-laws. (laugh)
3) There is going to always be a demand from the poorer Thai people to the "richer" Falang. However, buying a 5,000 baht refrigerator or microwave for the in-laws (like a Falang friend in Bangkok recently did) will earn you bonus points, for a long time.
4) I understand the support of parents is actually written in Thai law. I found this out from my Thailand prenuptial attorney. I am not sure about the details, since I am not an attorney, nor have I read the Thailand laws. <I would love to hear more about this. This is news to me – Stick>
The need for financial support of Thai parents is real, and there is nothing you can do about unless you stay in Farang-land. You may not like this, but average Thai girls (read: poor girls) are expected to support their parents, until they die. Accept it, or stay in Farang-land.
5) You can say sin-sot (bridal gift) is a Chinese custom, it is low and degrading, unfair and unreasonable, and it is taking advantage of un-informed Falangs etc, but why do you care so much? And, why do you need to change the Thailand system and say that you will never pay for a wife or her parents etc?
Would you rather pay for a mean and bossy, never happy Western woman that has sagging boobs, after a few years over the age of 30?
6) Who cares about paying some small money for a Thai girlfriend/wife?
I say pay some sin-sot if you get married, and make several people happy. It should be no more than 100,000 baht, i.e. $2,500 for a poor or middle class girl. Why be so righteous about not giving money to the Thai girl? What do you gain by this attitude? New friends on Stickmanbangkok.com? A Nobel Prize in human rights? I do not think so…
And, who cares if the in-laws think you are loaded, and they want to take advantage of the "rich" falang? Just go with the flow, smile a little and pay. In the West you would be indirectly paying a lot more for dating, courting and eventually marrying a Western girl of your dreams.
5) Many of the Stickman articles on sin-sot are just too negative. In Thailand, love=money. Yes, I agree.
In Farang-land, very often money=greed. But, I think it an arrogant view of some Farangs that can and will not accept another value system than their own. The Western system is not the best. It is just different. I grew up in the Western system, and I also thought it was the best. It has many faults.
6) Why do you not enjoy the "status as a rich Falang" that brings money, power and greater happiness into a "poor" Thailand family? I find this very enjoyable, and not a problem like described on some of the reader submissions on Stickman. You can always think of it as doing some small charity work, or achieving “rock-star” status without knowing how to sing or play guitar. Who cares if it is so anti-Western?
As an example, I offered (no request for money was ever made) to pay 500 baht per week (about US $12) for my fiancée brother who is not working and is going to college. This boy is super-nice to me, now. Before, he totally ignored me. In Farang-land this would be unheard of, and perhaps offensive. In Thailand, it is part of the system. Try it out for yourself. You should not try to change it.
You can also say that you do not want to "pay for affection"; you want it to be real without ties to money. But, who cares?
I do not speak to this Thai brother in English, there are no deep discussions, no sharing of life – other than sometimes sharing a meal. Why does a Farang care so much about $12 per week?! My gesture of goodwill – and money – has made several people happy.
Do you know most Thai people have a 7 day work week?
I say; get used to Thailand or go back to Farangland. If you do not like Thailand, stay in Farangland.
(To enjoy pictures of many beautiful Thai girls, feel free to go to my photo web site for these wonderful Thai creatures of Earth)
Fair points, although I do not agree with them, but that is neither here nor there. One thing you have not considered though is that a lot of Western guys hook up with Thai girls and live in Thailand because they do not have the money do that in the West. That being the case, should they act as a charity?! Not every Westerner is well off!