Readers' Submissions

Sin Sot Dowry

  • Written by Anonymous
  • December 26th, 2005
  • 4 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok



I read with amazement, and not just on your website, about how guys let themselves be taken by Thai females and their families (by katoeys too..;-). The subject of Sin Sot dowry in particular gets my head shaking.

I met Pen, a Thai MBA (27), in 1994 after 3 happy months in Pattaya and BKK courting about 12 other candidates whom I had met via a contact magazine, now defunct due to the Internet, called Thai-Asian-Worldwide Ladies. Among those I suspected only 2 or 3 being hookers, but none actually asked for money outright.

I fiinally settled on Pen who seemed to be eager to leave Thailand and come to the USA, which she did after I left, at her own expense and after obtaining her passport and tourist visa. We then did marry in Laughlin, Nevada (with a short pre-marital agreement about separate properties, of course) and she even paid for the honeymoon, I just paid the $36.- court fees. The subject of finances never came up. We just dicussed her options of obtaining work in USA (dismal).

She returned to BKK after 1 month as her vacation ended, but I joined her there a bit later, to meet her family, start immigration procedures at the US embassy (what a drag!) and just have a change of scenery.

I met her parents, her 104 -year-young grandma, her 3 sisters (all single) and 4 brothers and they all seemed to be very accepting of me. Her colleagues at a large Thai corporation seemed to be congratulatory too. We had a second honeymoon on Ko Samui AND Ko Phuket by train, bus and airplane and it really made me fall in love with the Thai country and people (she paid her 50%).

Back in BKK at her house the talk turned to a real Thai wedding with 9 monks etc, and I reluctantly agreed.

Just a day or two before the set date Pen brought up the subject of the dowry, which she called 'milk money', i.e. paying her mother for nursing her and bringing her up. I was shocked since I had never heard about such a thing and I told her that in my home country in Europe, dowries were not paid anymore, and when they were in the past it was from the bride's parents to the groom. And that she was getting something more valuable than money for marrying me, i.e. the prospect of a US Green Card and US citizenship, at that time worth at least $5,000.- (the price Asian economic refugees paid to people smugglers to get to USA on a leaky trawler, now it's more like $50k!). She did understand and did not press the issue, but she got her mother a $400 gold amulet. That was all and there were no hard feelings.

I spent 5 years off and on in BKK (teaching English and German and writing) and loved it. But Pen prefers California and by now has turned All-American: citizenship, 2 jobs, car and credit card payments, and the attitude that comes with the territory and being exposed to her 2x divorced American girlfriends. After 10 years of marriage and biz partnership, we called it quits last year, at her wish and expense (she made a $42,000 profit on her $10,000 investment in my property though). As she handed me the divorce papers she said with the ring of sincerety in her voice: "Congratulations, now you're no longer my husband, now you are my BROTHER!"

I recommend that your love-struck reader follow a similar path. The fiancee visa option you advertise is a good avenue (BTW: it can be easily done by DIY). Other countries like Germany make it much easier to bring Thais back home as non-immigrants. Take all the precautions: Pay the fees, if you must, but only directly to the governments. Get her the air ticket, but only a non-refundable one. But a better test is have her pay her own way. Most bargirls can probably afford it, airfares are about 40% cheaper in Th than overseas anyway.

There are 1000s of middle class Thai spinster women (that's>25 in the LOS!) who look like 16, have a good education, speak a foreign language, and the ambition to make something out of themselves with the help of a farang husband. Look for them in the appropriate introduction sites or best put an advert via the 'net into any of the English language newspapers, like Bangkok Post, The Nation, Phuket Gazette, Pattaya Mail or Yellow Paper.

Enjoy the courting and mongering, but never pay except as agreed beforehand for services rendered, and never forget: "Deceit, thy name is WOMAN!" (Friedrich Nietzsche)

(c) 2006 AngloGerman


Stickman's thoughts:

Some good advice, but advertising in the Pattaya Mail? That might get an interesting response!