Readers' Submissions

I Was Eating My Big Mac When…

  • Written by Anonymous
  • December 8th, 2005
  • 5 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

Allow me to give you a little background info first. I left England 5 years ago, tired of the rat race and all the crap that goes with it. First I worked in Italy, then Holland then the USA. Asia was calling me so I went to China for a year, pretty cool place. Before I left England I was a professional Thai boxer and it was always a dream to go to Thailand to meet some of my heroes. I jumped on a plane with the last of my RMB (Chinese cash) and hit Bangkok, went to a gym to find a fair few fighters I knew (including some I had fought) so I found myself being looked after very well as fighters share a really close bond. I got a really good job and continued my forte in life which is teaching.

I’ve been in Bangkok for 6 months, gone through a few ups (awesome) and downs (shite), but this is the Bangkok moment that made submit to Stickman.

Like most farangs here I teach English, unlike most farangs I am actually a genuine teacher as appose to a traveller on the year gap. I’m good at what I do.

The 2 biggest mistakes I ever made in Bangkok are as follows…1. no bank account…and 2. trusting people.

This is how it started, I generally avoid places like Patpong, Nana and the rest to me. They are toss (although in my first month here I did indulge). On reflection I have only ever met ok people in these places. It’s outside these dens that the real bad apples dwell.

I was sitting in McDonalds eating a Big Mac set when a girl sat next to me. She asked if I was a teacher. I said yes and she said she wanted to improve her English but couldn't afford to go to a proper school, so she says "me to teaching you Thai. You English me na?"

As my Thai is average at best I figured why not, so we swapped numbers. After numerous texts and phone calls from her I agreed to meet her near Asoke. So we meet and go to a quiet restaurant. The atmosphere was not the best for learning so she suggested that next time we go to my apartment. Why not? Make no mistake at this point every intention was 100% ajarn.

So we go to my apartment next time, I teach her for two hours and then I say ok, time for you to go. She says let's drink! What the hell, so I open the bottle of Johnny Walker I have in my apartment and the boozing begins. We have a pretty good time for an hour or so but then I am feeling really hammered, (I cant understand it, I can drink twice that amount) so she puts me to bed (ahhhhhhhhhhh how sweet I thought).

I wake up 12 hours later with a really bad head. She's gone. Never mind, I’ll phone her to say thanks for taking care of me and that I never usually get that drunk on so little. The funny thing is that her number has been deleted and all of the texts we shared have been also! Did I go nuts and delete them all in a drunken stopper? Oh well, lets order some food for delivery…this is when it gets good, the food arrives and I open my wallet and guess what…it's empty! Having a tranquilized brain I simply walk over to my wardrobe where I stash all my cash.

Now before you think 'idiot', remember I never bring "working girls" to my apartment and recently split from girlfriend who works at Tesco Lotus as she (not me) turned out to be the butterfly. Anyway my wardrobe is ransacked and I am sad to say 98,000 baht (yes ninety eight thousand bar – which I had saved over the last 6 months). Later reality dawns on me. I rack my brains. I can’t understand what has happened. The guy at the door says no problem pay later and walks away oblivious to my nervous breakdown.

That was every penny / baht I had. Now I don’t want to assume without proof but I’m guessing that there’s a fair chance that my new (and currently untraceable) private student has gone on the holiday of her life and possibly bought a heard of buffaloes for the family. I will never take the piss out of a Stickman entry again. Yes, I admit it I have just like you all have. If this happens to anyone else, please send it in because this is beyond the usual bargirl crap, this is some seriously worked out stuff and I can’t believe I’m the first, but if I am at I pioneered a whole new way of getting rich.

The morale of this story is don’t be a retard, open a bank account. I know loads of people who never do but please do it. This girl is a new breed of deception. I have no money, no nothing! I told a friend and he said 'Come on, admit it, she was a bargirl and you can’t admit it.'

Well that’s my tale.

One final question what did I do if I see her in the street somewhere, I have no come back smacking girls around isn't my thing but how the hell can I let someone do this to me. I’m even to embarrassed to ask my family for help…any advice PLEASE AND IN CASE I DIDN'T MENTION IT "OPEN A GODDAMN BANK ACCOUNT.


Stickman's thoughts:

Given mobile phone records, this could be solved very quickly… The first think you should do is report it to the police.