Readers' Submissions

Udon, My Favourite City.

  • Written by Anonymous
  • October 19th, 2005
  • 9 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

Udon, My Favourite City. Yes, Really, UDON

I don't require much. Having come from America 11 months ago I've longed for good pizza and incredibly cheap sex. I found both in Udon.

Bus from Ubon to Udon – and you must be very careful when going to either because often a farang can't pronounce well enough to make it clear to the Thais and you could find yourself on a bus to the wrong one – took nearly 8 hours on the slow bus there and then Udon to Ubon I lucked out and picked the nicer air con bus that was 6 1/2 hours.

We all know the buses are NEVER cool enough for anyone but Thais and Kenyans and so I spent many of those hours sweating and rigging hanging shirts with those metal clips students use to keep their belt in check, from the see-through curtain that was to block the sun. At least this one had a pisser and I was able to slog down all manner of drink in a silly failed attempt to keep cool.

Arriving hot as balls I set off to find the incredibly cheap and nice hotel called Lotus Condotel or something like that. There are two Lotus hotels – at least – two are owned by same place. One is fairly close to Robinson, the other a bit further out. Choose the close one – it is new, 190 baht for air con room, hot water shower – as of early this year, VERY clean, has a great place to eat a meal in the bottom and staff is friendly and fun. (and when I was last there – HOT) Well that one was full! Something about a festival where fireballs come up out of the river in Nongkhai – and so they referred me to their other one – which I blindly went to – and regretted it… It was too far away – it did NOT have tuktuks waiting there at all hours like the guy said it would, nor did it have police out front – not that I saw anyway.

Anyway – I showered quickly and went out to find something to eat – I hit the farang bar area that used to have a place called Black and White bar – owned by an English bloke – Steve and his wife Yoko. I found the bar – but it had changed hands. Now Yoko and My's Bar. Go figure! I later found that Steve had moved just 2 doors down and has his own bar – the name escapes me.

Yum Woonsen and a Pepsi and catching up with one of the waitresses I had seen during my last trip I set off in search of ass. Walking up the road – north past the Robinson I was in the general area… I stopped to see a farang that looked friendly and found that he had been in Udon for a while and also was an ex-resident of same Hawaiian Island I lived on for a while – Maui. He gave me a map and walked out and pointed where to go to hit the brothel areas.

I got lost – walked too far in the heat and sweating like a pig… I turned around went and had some beer at Yoko's and back for another shower – Thai style. I slept a bit, woke up at 7 and headed back out. This time I had the sense to LOOK at the map I'd been given – there it F'ing was! In red squares all over the map – the "Adult Entertainment" spots! hahaha! holy hell am I stupid sometimes. You'd never find that on a Tampa map.

I took a tuktuk there – 40 baht. I know it should be 30 and yet I don't care. It's a farking dollar and I could give a shit sometimes. For 25 cents USD it isn't worth opening my mouth to say another sentence.

Soi 2 – there we were. I remembered the same street that I'd been on in February this year – having met a friendly Aussie in Vientiane that shared a piece of his mind with me for a few days.

Walked in first open door – 25? girls – all beautiful. I'd have boned any of them. Cost – 300b 1 hour. They provide room. Holy hell. It was still the same.

Second one – 20? girls – 2/3 are boneable.

Third one – 25? girls – all boneable.

Back outside – get a water. Drink it. Marvel at my good fortune.

Back inside to third one. Picked two of the most beautiful for same time threesome. You know how that goes – the only thing not on the menu was anal and them licking each other – they did suck each others Toots and took turns blowing and farking me – so – that's what I came for. I'm a sex tourist! I was NEVER with 2 at once before. God it was heaven.

Snapped some pics, kissed them both and hit the soi for more naam something.

Up the road to #4. Half are do-able. Back to number 2. Picked one that was flirting
hardest and the most fun. Good choice – we went over an hour and no extra charge.
300 baht. Gave her tip.

Outside – more naam.

Inside – number 1. Picked "virgin" girl. 500 baht. Her hands were rough like they just pulled her from the field in Laos. Most of these appeared to be Laos girls – some would tell me, others would not. All appeared 18 and fresh. Maybe I arrived as a fresh group came in? Wishful thinking. Yes, I believe she really was a virgin. I got about half way where I needed to be and we stayed at that point for a while – gently moving. Then "Jep Jep Jep every few minutes. Then seconds.

So stopped, pulled out the other condom – latex – and tried again.

Jep Jep Jep. Ok. Pulled off condom and told her to spread her legs – she must've thought
I was gonna go bareback and I said no – no – just let me finish myself – I'll take care of myself and you just lay there and look sexy like you do… Well, she refused to do anything. I went out in a towel to the group of girls and told mamasan to come back. I told mamasan that I didn't want bareback, but since the girl WOULDN'T give any BJ and couldn't F anymore that I needed to take care of business myself – at least she could lay there and spread her legs so I could LOOK at her… mamasan understood and the girl was scared at this point but mamasan sent us back into room to finish – and I tried – but after 5 minutes of looking at her young flower and occasionally glancing up to look at her face – which had this expression of fear and sadness that I'll remember for a long time – I gave up – told her mai bpen rai and gave her a hug. She was relieved and smiled and was embarrassed that she couldn't' finish for me – and it didn't' matter to me anymore.

I went back to room by a drunk tuktuk driver that took me to Lotus #1 instead of #2.
Then, to #2 after getting proper directions.

Next day, Saturday, I woke up 9ish. Internet cafe, eating, Yoko's, shopping at Robinson for some sweatpants – it's amazing what UBON doesn't have. I've searched every store and market for sweats long enough to cover my ankles. Not here! I'm only 5'11".

Ate pizza at this Italian restaurant in front of Robinson – Bella "something". Pizza was very very good and comparable with some I've had in NYC in the village many years back. Had the garlic bread with cheese too and, though small, was tasty. The pizza was incredible though.

Back to the danger zone. Soi 7. The tuktuk driver dropped me at the first room and I walked in and realized – I had been to this one before also! After DROOLING at the girls there They were ALL f'able. VERY f'able. I chose one that I remembered from my February trip. Just for old times. She was very fun that night. This night – not so great. No matter, the night ended up a 10/10 anyway.

She was 500 plus 100 for room plus 20 for idiot motorcycle driver that drove us TO the room. Air con SUCKED. Water did not run! Luckily there was a garbage can of water and a scooper we showered off with.

I was done with the sois. I went back to drink at Yoko's. Went down to Steve's bar with some other guys – an Irishman and a UK'er. Flirted with one girl who wanted to take me somewhere to drink whiskey. I went. It was midnight. Place was closed. Yet she wanted me to go in this closed place and drink with her friends. I declined. I told her take me back to bar. She went inside for "5" minutes. It was 15 when I thought whitey better get out of that area – it didn't look too safe.

Made it back to bar in 15 minutes.

Told the story. The girl is a freelancer there – not had trouble with her before.
Mai bpen rai.

Drank there some. Back to Yoko's. Irish guy wanted to hit Mr. Tongs club. I said sure.
That's where the night began. It's a gay bar – for Thai guys and there are farangs and
hot freelance chicks all over. Quite easy to score. ANYBODY could score – and did.
The girl I liked was tall and very sexy. I wasn't in the mood to pay for anything though.

She wanted to come with me to talk – to be friends. I said, ok, Yeah, that sounds good
It was 2:30 am and I was tired – drank a LOT for me – 8 Heinekens – and could have just
slept anyway. I told her – I'm not paying you for anything. She fully understood. She came
to the room. We talked. We laughed. We F'ed 4 times between 4 am and 9 am when I had
to leave to get my bus back to Ubon.

Freebie!

So – that was my trip to Udon. Will return in December. I have a couple friends that will
join me this next time. You should go check out Udon if you're in the area. It's safe.
People are fun and like farang. Not like Nongkhai! Girls are sweet and not aggressive
but they understand the game. Not like Ubon where the girls are afraid to come after you
because the WHOLE TOWN will know by noon the next day.

Stickman's thoughts:

Oh dear….