Stickman Readers' Submissions October 21st, 2005

My Conundrum

By Conundrum 4 U

I have been very impressed with this site over the last few months and you do get all variety of sides which is important in order to get a balanced view on life in the LOS.

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I was always taught never write anything down that can incriminate you or come back to haunt you. True words but when you have just been sucker punched in a way that you have to applaud for its shear simplicity. It gives you a feeling that
it is your duty to tell the story in order that others may have a chance if faced with the same scam. It was not a big con, it did not damage me, apart from my pride and I was only moderately out of pocket it’s just that it happened to

Just a few words on my background as I know it help you guys build up a picture and form an opinion on just where in the Darwin awards this guy should stand. I know that most submissions I have read would put most in the top end. I am in
my early forties have been fortunate to have been coming to Thailand on and off for the past 10 years I am English and have been living and working here continually for the past 3 years. Previously to this I have lived in Scandinavia and Eastern
Europe for 3 years. I have to say I consider myself to be sharp and above all from a country that invented cricket that I am of honest disposition and integrity. I have never had any trouble playing gigolo to the ladies and I always thought I
could see a scam a mile away. I was born in a town where you had to be hard to survive so I have always thought myself well equipped to handle even the most difficult of situations.

By the way one added fact I live here with my daughter who attends International school in Bangkok quite a sobering experience I can tell you and keeps you well in line. I generally keep myself to myself and I am happy in my own company.

Well it was an average sort of early Saturday afternoon my daughter informed me that she was going to have sleep over at friends house down town and that she would be picked up so no worries about having to take her but could I please pick
her up. Ok Free night I thought shall I stay in and watch the UBS or hit the town.

I decided to hit the town for a few drinks nothing too heavy just to get out as it had been a few months since I had last gone out for a beer and fluffing by the natives. I decide jumping into the deep end and driving to Nana and I parked at the parking
lot just up the road, I was a little early as traffic had been better than I had anticipated I sat watching some obscure sport on an oversized television perched dangerously overhead in one of the bars outside. I could already tell it was going
to be a slow night, as there was not a lot of new food for the fish yet in Nana and I was already at the end of my 2nd bottle of Singha and id only been there 30 minutes so I decided to head up to Soi 33 and see how it was shaping up, as I had
a few bottles half drunk unclaimed whiskey from past adventures out. I always think that this brilliant concept and has a little comparison to squirrels storing nuts for a heavy barren winter. You can never quite remember where they are hidden
or how much should be left in the bottles but the girls always know and remember as soon as you walk in and get your bottle out.

My original plan was to leave my car there and pick it up in the morning as it saves on a taxi one way, daughter confidently was staying with friend very close to Emporium so perfect plan so far. Traffic was ok from Nana, and I drove down Soy 33 looking
where to park other than use the parking space at the office which can get quite expensive if you have to leave your car there overnight. Anyway bingo on my right hand side a couple of spaces so I speed up a little and drive down the road pulled
into the first road on my right and reversed and then proceeded in the opposite direction to which I had come back to where the spaces were.

The space I has seen was still there and I parked up and felt quite happy a good omen for the night to come when all of a sudden a large Thai guy on a large tatty old Honda motorcycle pulls up in front of me and starts to gesture to me with his hands
my first thought were that he was trying to tell me that I could not park there in the usual unhelpful way so I reverse and drove forward into one other space that was available and low and behold he follows me. And starts to gesture again. I
get out of my car and walk over to him and he’s speaks in broken English which I cannot fully understand, and he proceeds to inform me that I have driven over his foot ''in street Mr. you not look you run over foot''
''I need treatment''

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Now to be very honest with you my first thought were could I have done that in my rush to park I did not hear the cunt scream but yet again I had my music on full blast

Now my mind is racing calculating the options I have at hand.

Let me see foot show me I ask he flicks off his flip flop and shows me a horrible dirty looking foot that he is clenching his toes and repeats ''you take me to surgery'' All Thais have nasty looking feet I have found even
on the prettiest of girls the feet mostly always look bad and to be honest it was as close as I wanted to get to these.

Now my mind is racing calculating the options I have at hand bearing in mind the area that I am in.

Scenario 1 I tell him to fuck off and move my car to other area. Downside of this option 10% chance I did run over his foot he calls police by this time I have had more drink would not look good and could go very wrong for me.

Scenario 2 I offer small money for him to fuck off and buy whiskey and leave my night in piece.

Down side how much is this going to cost me unsure as yet but his battered bike tells me the story.

Scenario 3 I call tourist police.

Down side same as option 1

Scenario 4 I take my underwear of put it over my head and run around like a headless chicken whilst sinning loudly Rule Britannia in order to throw him completely off balance and get situation back in my control.

Downside of this some of the girls I would like to be entertain later on may be watching this by now and although this may well appeal to there childish sense of humor its not the best solution to the problem at hand and I know very well
they will be asking me to do it again all night.

I go for option 2 and as when in the land of the blind the one eyed man is King. I offer him 1000 baht to get himself to the surgery and show him a crispy new note I have in my back pocket. ''No you take me surgery'' Well
now I get a little more concerned I have to admit. ''You follow me surgery he says''

My minds still racing and bigger doubts come into my mind could I have really done this. I ask to look at foot again it is very dirty I must admit but looks ok no blood or bones sticking out, are my tires really this dirty I'm thinking
to myself. OK lets see it out I decide as I really cannot afford to start a scene here and I am conscious of people starting to look at us this could get out of hand quite quickly. I get back into my car and slowly follow him all the time he is
shaking his foot and then scenario 5 comes to mind I just put my foot down and leg it but traffic is heavy and his bike although old would easily beat me in heavy traffic and if I got stopped I have had some drink and he knows this I can tell.
It a no win situation for me.

So I continue to follow and he turns into a dimly lighted soi and I follow. As soon as I turn the wheel I knew I was beaten, He then slows down about half way along I pull up beside him and let window down just enough ''Too muck
traffic too muck for you to get to surgery in car'' ''you pay me !!! All of a sudden I'm in bad situation I let my guard down as soon as I turned into a dark street who knows what could happen a lot of things flash through
your mind. Could he have a rusty gun if so I hope it blows up in his face, could he have accomplice waiting so I barter its expected even in this situation 2500 we agree on that’s all I got take it or leave it I tell him. ''You
sorry Mr. is the last he says to me'' I'm thinking to myself ok ''2500'' it's better than the police getting involved. I hand it over and put my foot down pissed of at the whole situation and head home.

Boy was I pissed mainly due to the not quite knowing, kept running it through my mind a lot over the next few days. And then Fuck me to rub salt into my wounds my daughter brings back a letter from the School that 2 parents from the school
have been scammed at the corner of 7 – 11 in Nonthaburi with the same con and the school warns parents not to fall for it.

Now that would have been a different situation for me at the 7 – 11 and I would have instinctively gone for option number 1 as the difference was that I had 2 Singha beers and was in centre of hostess bar area this guy knew what he was doing
he knew most Ex pats would have had a drink in that area by 8.30 in evening and not want police involved for many reasons. He played it very well.

To be fair I’ve been here a long time and this is the only scam played on me.

I thought about going back and watching this con again. In a way it was worth the money. And best of luck to him.

I always tell people new to LOS to expect the unexpected in the land of the unexpected.

My advise regarding the bar life if you want to go down that road is above all else anyone has ever taught you is that you need to remember that it’s not the sex your paying for it’s the privilege of walking away after. That
is what your making the payment for nothing else.

The problem with these girls and us boys is that we are generally not very cleaver in playing by this rule, but that’s a whole new story for a different time.

Keep the Faith, it’s a nice country with nice people.

Stickman's thoughts:

Comments to follow.

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