Readers' Submissions

Conned Part 2

  • Written by Anonymous
  • October 22nd, 2005
  • 12 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

Good God, what’s wrong with you guys? Have none of you ever played any sports or simple games like Poker, Chess or Checkers for that matter? What about Marbles for Christ sakes? Do you tell your opponent the game plan in the middle of the 2nd because you have “feelings” for them and you want them to kick your ass royally and shit you out because of such feeeeeeeeelings?

Wow, please send me an email because I have investment property in post hurricane New Orleans. I have for sale at a good price. Bring your own snorkel and flippers or simply send me your money, I’ll even get you laid almost free and I will arrange someone to tell you they “love” you at no extra cost. Same same as the others but different….. sure.

Why at any age does your edge for a challenge and competition drain out your dicks like a good piss after 7 Singhas? Can’t you remember the exuberance in your youth when you won and the feel of success? Dad clapping his hands and everything accompanied with the subsequent adrenaline high? Did anyone say this must stop at a specific age? Tell me who told you victory is for other people.

I suspect a lot of you have also declined to compete at work as well and watch the brains pass you but while you cry in silence about imagined discrimination because of some kind of inherited defect or whatever politically correct issue is popular at the moment. God gave you balls, use them. Never say “die” and remember no one wins until the 8 ball drops.

Iiiiieeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! I read some of the Reader Submissions and want to slit my wrists. Have men been reduced to this I ask? Please tell me who ever in your life told you that if you’re good to people they will be good to you? Who ever said the world is easy and you must permit everyone to kick the crap out of you? Whoever told you to believe whatever you hear or bend over and take it with a smile? Even my mother used to say “believe nothing you hear and half of what you see”. Who I ask told you to choke up your hard earned dollars for a piece of sugar coated ass. Certainly no commercials I’ve ever seen.

More importantly, who in your life told you that you cannot have what “you” want and it is wrong to take it when and where you want it? Weren’t you were raised to succeed, have you ever hear the words that it’s not “polite to be successful”? Don’t get sucked into believing you “must” be nice.

The “do onto others as you would have them do onto you” thing only applies to Victorialand, not Buddhaville. When in Rome do as the Romans. Learn the game or get cut to third string and watch from the pines but please do throw your wallets when you’re told exactly when the time is right. I could use a few sucker friends like you to hang out with. God Damn I wish my ex-wife’s lawyer was as complacent as some of you bitches.

You think you have problems, let me share my current No. 1 dilemma. My last Submission titled “Conned” described the “practice round” from the BG with the long legs that I managed to get to hike up to Bangkok from Pattaya for pocket change. By the way she’s still singing the blues via satellite and still wants to love me long time. If only I would forgive her and give her a chance to be my woman as she misses me so much. Ha, I scored one for the Farangs and she wants me to forgive her, go figure. Anyway what she can possible do to me when/if she ever sees me cannot compare to the risk round I dare to accept.

What are the odds?

The field looks like this: I have Sue or I think she spells it Tonnsoo or some other strategically distractive crap like that and she “loves me like no other man she’s known in her life”. We met on Walking Street and we went to Lucifer’s for the initial pre-game negotiations to get things started. When her friends recognized her at a distance they approached with the usual BS broadcast interview questions like “where you from” and “what you name”? I felt like a cash flow celebrity fat cat in a peasant feed fest contest.

Unbeknownst to me someone pulled the trigger on the starter pistol before I could get into position because she maneuvered me like a real pro. Just like “Man O War” at the fucking starting gate, a real thoroughbred with inherited bloodlines and flanks to prove it. I believed this one could such start a snow blower in a sand storm. I even felt movement and accepted the game.

Anyway we spent a week together in September before I had to return to Europe for work. To prove her undying love for me she escorted me to the big BKK and in front of me purchased an airline ticket to her home community to stay with her family, away from the evils of Pattaya. All in the name of proving to me she wants to stop working and will wait for me to return. She even had the gall to give me her mothers phone number so if I wanted to check to see if she’s home I could call it late at night for confirmation points. Damn this ones good, for all I know it might be her mama sans number at a fish bowl but who cares it’s gotta be worth something not previously accounted for. I accepted the challenge and thought “let the games begin”.

My situation may only sound simplistic to most but please let me ramble. She calls me everyday telling me how she wants my babies and can’t wait to marry me. She tells me she’s in some Northern Thailand mountain jungle village or whatever waiting for me to return. (which of course I promised her I will get there “as soon as I can”). Jeez, she makes me feel like Tarzan hyped on a crack enema. More jitters than Huston gone hypothermic. I wake up in the morning thinking about her with wood under the sheets and everything.

So for fun I have indeed call her at 03:00 in her morning just to see if she is as good as the billboards promise. Gotta give her extra points for the effort and energy to move to a quiet area before she presses the “talk” button on the mobile. This ones happening, considering some BG’s are stupid enough not to think this through beforehand while all the time explaining the loud noises you hear in the background with claims to be her TV or family talking with gusto.

Anyway, I will be returning shortly and made a strategic error by telling her what day my flight arrives. I mentally write off this drop of the left hand or error because of me being without sleep due to the recent adjustment of time zones, jet lag some may call it. No worries though, it can be recovered. I just can’t permit my moral to drop at this critical moment, I need to stay pumped, I need all the focus I can muster. Focus, stay focused. Let me explain why.

The situation is, I have this other Hotel Receptionist waiting for my arrival. Let’s call her Rita the Receptionist for now. Rita is in a whole different league but the net results are the same. She claims I’m her first boyfriend in 5 years and only gave in to me the night we met because I’m special. In the room she played it good. She stood there like a deer in the headlights with all eyeballs and undressed like a virgin before the sacrifice. But naked she got nevertheless. All the time pleading a rare Pattaya innocence. She explained she came to Pattaya only because of her undying love for beaches.

Anyway in the end you can take away points because she used words in bed such as “most men like this” and “most men like that” so without a blink I thought “is this woman stupid or am I imagining she speaks such fundamental errors”? Keep your cool I thought; just remember the first one to break the game rules is the first to loose. My strategy remained steadfast, score some sack time for free, move on and accept the next challenge. “Extra points if you can get her to invite a friend”.

Challenge – Supremo Ultimo Grande Numero Uno por favor

They both know when I arrive. Is this a maneuver of a fool or the strategy of a real player? Remember who made up the rules? They lie to me, I lie to them. The one thing Thai’s taught me best was the ability to lie and not look away. Keep the eyes centered and don’t change your facial expressions. Never and I mean never look down at your feet or touch your face while spinning your yarn. Maintain eye contact and wait until they look away. Cry as required. Trust me it works.

Then to continue, my aspirations are to somehow avoid the arrival of Jungle Jane (Soo, Sue, Shoe, Poo or whatever) for a couple days and honk around town with Receptionist Rita. Invent a reason why Rita makes me sad and tell her I need some time to myself to ponder our future in the imaginary prosperous land of plenty and go make hay with Jane while Jane shines.

After a day or two I’ll tell Jane that I need to go to BKK to arrange for her bank account transfer on my own because I need space to think as our future is so important to me, what with babies in the schedule and all. Whatever it is she wants. But I can’t simply jump into this situation without a little soul searching. Then I’ll skip over to wine and dine Rita for a day or two possibly with the boost of some cheap Viagra. I pretty much figure by then I will need some help and I can justify it all by reminding myself some athletic pros use steroids. Don’t forget one must always give the impression they are with their soul mate with enthusiasm and could never drain the snake with different horrible evil bargirl. Get it up at any cost or they will suspect.

I do have a confession though; I am trying to imagine how I can find a way to connect the two of them together. One on each arm for free. Especially the way they both “love me so much and could never be with another man”. One even claims she loves me “too much” and she hurts of the thought of not being with me.

I think I need to work Jane first, she seems to be a little distant at the initial proposition when I tabled the threesomes issue in September. Then I’ll try to slow bleed Rita into the forum with the utmost delicacy. After all, I am the first man she’s been with in five years. I must try to figure a way to get her to believe it was her idea and I am only going along with her to make her happy.

Oddly enough, and I may be dreaming, but I do believe the trophy goes to the one that can execute this without getting physically maimed or the involving the police, judicial system or her family. Lets call it the coupe de grace, the executioner’s song, the “GOLD” if we may. But what else is there to shoot for, I missed out on their virginity? They tell me no but I find it slightly difficult to swallow.

In the end, again, don’t place any bets until you hear from me. No one told me insider knowledge is illegal in Thailand. May be in NA but here I’m talking Rome. Please guys, stop being the victim and start using the very chromosomes God gave you. Learn the rules like any other game you embark upon and do your best to win. Don’t bring your “feeeeeelings” to the ring. Kick ass and kick it large. Big big stakes such as your self esteem and hard earned cash are on the table. Win when you play and only bring what you’re prepared to loose. Or loose the mega boom boom and cry like your sister in a rainstorm.

Think!!!! in sports, at work, in life or in Thailand, remember being the second Farang on her list is only the first looser in a race full of other loser’s. Lock and Load with full knowledge of the game and be prepared to take a hit now and again all in the name of the game. Who can tell me they’ve had a “bad” orgasm? You still won.

Work hard and play hard, if you’re going to reach out then reach large or go play with your sister. No more victim “mummy she hurt me” shit. Try or die trying but stop the belly aching for loosing. If you were a Gladiator they’d be dragging your sorry ass off the field while bleeding from your nostrils. This loss can only train and encourage you for the next game. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.

Clichés retain impact for a reason.

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