Readers' Submissions

You Deserve It If It Happens To You

  • Written by Anonymous
  • September 22nd, 2005
  • 4 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

By Hippolytus


Silver Resortel more info

You idiots out there. Getting involved with, even marrying (!) bar girls. For Christ's sake. Especially with the existence of this and half a dozen other websites, and countless books articles, etc etc etc. You know what's going to happen. You know it's all going to go horribly wrong. For every punter who gets his ex-bar girl to be a hairdresser in Phuket or a waitress in Farangland, there are a hundred of you dumbasses who get screwed over, broken-hearted, and whisky bent over some cheap whore who would have let some sweaty German named Albert poke her if you had come along 5 minutes later, and probably was 5 minutes after you left. And those of you out there on the "dating scene" in Thailand: you ought also to wake out (or at least move out of that hellhole Bangkok): there is no such thing as "dating" in Thailand. This is a conservative, traditional east Asian society. You come over here with your Sex and the City thoughts and wonder why things go badly. You think you’re so enlightened, overlooking your girl’s sordid past. Well, wake up asshole: your girl isn’t. She knows she’s trash. She just can’t believe you don’t. This is not Africa. This is not Cambodia. If your girl is a whore, she is at least one of the following, and probably all three – 1) lazy; 2) stupid; 3) very damaged goods before she ever became a working girl. Don’t believe some sob story about how her family is poor, the buffalo died, mom is sick blah blah blah. Thousands and thousands of girl every year, in Isaan and everywhere else, just as poor and underprivileged as your girl, go to schools, get jobs, and generally get along like decent people do. Sure, they don’t have easy lives, and you can bet they hear the stories and see your whore come prancing back to the village with all the gold you bought her, and they might think about it. And sure, there’s hard cases out there, girls who get raped by their uncles, etc., but who appointed YOU Savior? Considering that in the end there’s a 99% chance things will go to shit between you and your girl, you’re not doing anyone any favors anyway.

So let me lay it out for you ijits too stupid or lazy to learn about the country you either live in or so love to visit. If your Thai girl does not meet the following conditions, she is damaged goods. Period. And damaged goods in Thailand means she will NOT make a decent girlfriend, let alone wife. The conditions:

1) She lives with her family.
2) She is a virgin. By which I mean, she has never so much as kissed another man.
2a) She will not let you have your way with her, in any sense whatsoever, for at least 3 months, and she certainly not yield up her precious virginity to you for at least 6, more likely a year.
3) You will meet her family and they will approve of you.
4) You will not live together before you marry her.
5) You will have no public displays of affection.
6) She will go home very early from your dates, alone, and untouched, and she will not consent to meet you more than once a week for a long time.
7) She will be exceptionally respectful and also (in a Buddhist sense) religious.
8) She will absolutely not smoke, drink, or spend much time in any places where people do.

There are more, but you get the idea. Fellas, if your girl doesn't match up to these standards, then you're on the tail of some wicked ju-ju, and it will all come back on you, one way or another. If you find it impossible to meet girls like this in Thailand, it is because you are spending all your time in places where these girls aren't. You think you're going to meet a girl like this in some club, or a pub, or a bar filled with hookers? Or the internet? These girls, the "nice girls" I guess you could call them, won't come running up to you the minute you haul your flabby ass off the plane. Do you ijits out there really think you have done anything to deserve having beautiful girls other than get born white in the First World? If you want a real girl, with whom you can build a relationship of such honey sweet joy that it might make even the hardcore whoremongers among you cry, at least from envy, then you've got to work at it, just like anything else. But I imagine you're too lazy for that. And so it doesn't surprise me who you ended up with. Good luck at Nana, gentlemen.

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