When Mai Pen Rai Doesn’t Wash
Why "Mai Pen Rai" Doesn't Wash
I have spent the last week poring over Stick's site which I now think is entertaining, helpful, moving and uproariously funny…good on you Stick!
Here are my views. Firstly I'm an Australian woman, so you may think I have no right to publish on your forum, but there's something I just need to put in writing. <EVERYONE has a right to be published here so all you other females, get writing! – Stick> Why is a happily married Aussie woman submitting a post on a forum that is mostly man related you ask? The answer to that is that we have a mate who is, as we speak, in the process of losing his heart, dignity, car,
home, sanity, business and family. He's also lost a few mates too, because people are sick to death of giving him gentle warnings and links to Stick's site. He just keeps sending money to Thailand to his "wife" while here in
Oz he's swiftly on the path to bankruptcy and a nervous breakdown. He's already talking openly about suicide to workmates (of which my husband and myself are two). Why don't people listen to their friends? I've been to Thailand
3 times, and it's not hard to work out what's going on in BKK.
From the outset I want to say that I know some "Thai/ Farang" unions do work out, but these ones are based on honesty and love, not "Andrew's equation" (I refer to the Good Girl & Nice Guy Guy posts).
Andrew's equation goes something like:
(An attractive emotional educated Thai) + (An affection craving naïve farang) * (Long Distance Relationship) = Manipulation and broken heart.
This equation suits Andrew's situation but I feel the more universal one would go something like "lonely middle aged westerner+Thai opportunist = your worst nightmare".
Let's face it, how many decent happily married professional family men go on sex tours? Ok maybe a few but the majority I'm sure, are guys who are looking for sex or love with a Thai girl.
From a clinical point of view it's quite interesting to see what happens when this supply meets this demand. I'm going to make some generalizations here so forgive me. The demand is created by mostly western men who for whatever reason can't get sex or love at home. The supply is created by Thai women. Some are bargirls, some are not. There are plenty of "non bargirls" who are golddiggers however. The "submissive beautiful" Thai female stereotype gets a little tiresome but I guess it figures in the equation. We've all heard the joke that men want deaf, dumb, blind, gorgeous, nymphomaniac pub owners for wives, and if you consider the bar scene in BKK, the girls can offer pretty much that exact thing for very little money (ok maybe not EXACT, but surely you get my point).
My big question is this. Why do people so readily accept the "no problems" mindset so readily when in Thailand? Don't misunderstand me; I am a traveller and love cultural diversity, but when you're in another country, you either accept it or get out.
When you mix a group of middle aged men (a lot of whom have inadequate personalities) with a group of inexpensive good looking young girls who'll tickle your fragile ego for a few bucks, what you SHOULD have is a business transaction in which both parties get something. What a lot of guys seem to be getting is well and truly rooted in both senses of the word. I agree, a lot of men have a pretty "eyes wide open" attitude to it and just have a fun holiday then go home. Sadly though, a lot of men go to Thailand thinking they will be the exception. Again I admit there ARE exceptions, but mostly the stories I've read all seem to have the same theme: "I gave her everything but she done me wrong".
You would not expect lies, deceit and greed from a woman in your own country, yet so many seem to accept it in Thailand. Ok you may say it's worth it to be able to strut about with a girl who looks like your granddaughter, but everyone who seems to be looking at you as a dirty old man is doing so for a reason. What do you think "decent" Thai people think of you? A lot of Thai people are educated and morally upstanding, so don't kid yourself that they see you as some type of superpower hero who is there to make third world poverty go away. They KNOW you're a sex tourist! If you're unlucky enough in life to need to find sex or love in Asia, get a handle on the facts first. Asian thinking is different to western thinking largely due to education (or lack thereof), ancient cultural traditions and a very relaxed attitude to telling whoppers and straight out corruption. MAI PEN WRAI !!!! You won't turn a BKK whore into a beautiful princess just by throwing money at her! Have a look at life from her point of view also. Yes she has other options but not many. Do you think she LIKES being a whore? Most are dirt poor and actually ARE supporting families. It does not excuse all the lies, but mai pen wrai!!
Perhaps someone can answer me without resorting to all the "fat, white, demanding western women" clichés? Face it guys, you aren't exactly "Brad Pitt meets Mahatma Gandhi" yourselves you know!! Chances are if you're a sad old git at home, you'll be a sad old git in Thailand. Those girls aren't blind until you show then the size of your wallets. They CAN see your beer gut and CAN smell your sweaty armpits!! (But of course you think they find those things "exotic"). Let me assure you, beer guts and sweat are pretty repulsive to ANY woman!!
One last thing guys; there's a VERY fine line between bedding a 19 year old bargirl (whoremonger) and bedding a 13 year old girl (pedophile). Let's hope most of you are the former because there most definitely is something awry with a 60 year old banging a 20 year old, and that goes for both sexes.
Oh and by the way I'm not fat, demanding, money hungry or single!!
What would have been an excellent article was marred in the second to last paragraph. EVERYTHING up until that point I agreed with but then you ruined it. A shame as you had some marvellous words, the best of which for me was "You would not expect lies, deceit and greed from a woman in your own country, yet so many seem to accept it in Thailand."
Let me say this now. THE VAST MAJORITY of guys who play around in the naughty bars deplore the idea of underage girls.