Readers' Submissions

What’s Wrong With Mai Pen Rai?



Yes, I find Stick's site very interesting too and I have contributed three articles so far. You can find them under canadianbanana on submissions 8. Its nice to get a woman's perspective (mai pen rai doesn't wash-Akasha) as I get tired of reading all of the "bargirl love" stories. So many 50 year old men acting like 20 year olds, falling in love with women of a type with whom they would never fall in love with back home, for obvious reasons. What happened to all of that worldly experience. I must admit that most of us men think with our dicks. That's a simple fact of life and always has been since Adam met Eve. I won't deny that.

I have a totally different perspective on things now after having been through two marriages and watching everyone else I know mess up, and travelling all around the world. No, I am not bitter or anti-women, on the contrary I am happily single again and planning my next trip out to the Orient. And I have the greatest respect for women–they are much more intelligent than us men and in many ways stronger. We are humans who have a conscience (well some of us do) and we tend to make up rules or laws to live by and all kinds of different philosophies to govern our behaviour. Every culture has different rules and we all tend to think that our set of rules are better than someone else's.

However, we are also a product of evolution or Mother Nature as you would call it. You can make all kinds of rules but humans have certain agendas hard wired into their genetic makeup, and most of us aren't even aware of it. We tend to think that our behaviour is guided by how our parents brought us up and the rules of society. But is that really so? In other words if you scratch below the surface a little bit, you will find a creature whose main purpose in life is to reproduce, pass on its genes, and to mate with the most desirable, healthiest and best looking partners it can find. And furthermore, Mother Nature hasn't set a limit on the number of mates we can have–or insisted that we should be loyal to only one for life–we have done that ourselves, with varying degrees of success. Call it the Mating Game because that's what it really is. We can call it other things (such as marriage) and put in rules and regulations to make it more civilized and less hurtful. After all, there are real winners and losers in this game of life. Its not really the fault of women or men so I don't waste time wallowing in guilt or blaming others as many of the guys on Stick's site do. It's just life and if things don't work out, just move on to the next challenge. I have no regrets whatsoever and I still love and care for my exes, even though its not reciprocated.

In the game of life, a winner is someone who gets the girl or guy and gets to implant their genes into the next generation. It's called survival. If you can successfully produce offspring then you are successful as far as Nature is concerned. That's why, handicapped people have a harder time finding a mate, or why sickly babies often don't survive (although with modern technology we can keep them alive as vegetables for a while). It's really called survival of the fittest (an old unpopular Darwinian theory that has fallen out of favour). Nature favours the healthy, strong, flexible, intelligent, the ones who can survive even if they have to use deception, manipulation etc; like those Thai bargirls who are so adept at getting sponsors. Even if you are not physically well endowed with beauty and happen to be butt ugly; there is a chance to succeed (procreate)–you just have to develop special skills like a super personality, or special charms, or whatever. Everyone has a chance to find a mate no matter what. That's why finding one's "soul mate" seems to be a major pre-occupation on this planet–it's Nature's way of making sure that men and women get together for that one important event: propagating the species. And Nature has intended that men and women develop mutually beneficial relationships and stick around long enough to at least give the kids a fighting chance in life. But as for sticking together for life, and only having sex with one person for the rest of your life–who made that up? The Bible or Koran? I don't care which culture or country you come from, given the right conditions, any man (to a lesser extent women), will/can/without too much prompting, willingly sleep with more than one woman whether in a relationship, married or not. Are men monogamous by nature? NO! Yes, I know that there are monogamous men but they just didn't find the right temptations or get the opportunity, YET!

The female of the species is charged with giving birth so they must be stronger and have some advantages in order to survive. They must use whatever skills (deception, beauty, sex, manipulation) they have to find a mate (preferably single but sometimes married) who will impregnate them and then stick around long enough and provide enough resources, so that they can successfully raise the next generation. Sounds like most women, not just Thai. Women the world over share the same characteristics as do men—it doesn't matter about the culture. Culture is a rather thin veneer. Females will automatically gravitate to males who they perceive to be healthy, stable, and either already have resources or are able to get resources. In tribal societies, where we all originated, thousands of years ago, women went after men who were good hunters. Nowadays, "good hunters" translates as resources.

When a woman tells me that she is not materialistic, I just laugh. Wait until they have two screaming babies and have a bunch of things to buy and lets see how materialistic they will become. That's the truth whether they admit it or not. But then of course it's the responsibility of us men to go out there and get the resources to buy that nice house in suburbia, right? Do we get our due respect when we do that? I guess some of us do and some don't–depends on the woman. However, the way I see it, there are legions of older divorced guys walking around with no house; having just handed it all over to the ex and kids. I certainly wouldn't begrudge them the house as they need it, especially the kids. However, what are these guys doing out on the street, living in dingy apartments and working two or three jobs. How have they sinned? Well, let's see: they are just too tired for sex after a hard day's work–gotta pay that whopping mortgage, too bossy according to the ex, the romantic feeling has gone according to the ex, I need my own space now says the ex and we have grown apart, all he does is watch hockey and drink beer with his mates, he doesn't listen to what I have to say says the ex, sex isn't like it used to be and certainly not like the younger hunk I met in the gym at Fitness World, he cheated on me, he lost his job and I can't stand the loser moping around in the house, and so on and so on. Well, that's the guys side of the story.

Men are basically adventurous "animals" who are programmed to mate with females. In fact, with as many as possible, although we are brought up to be responsible and only be with one for life. That's how it's supposed to work, right? Well at least in Judeo-Christian society anyways. The fact is, it doesn't work and that's why the divorce rate is around 40 % and increasing. In fact, this high divorce rate is almost universal when a country or society modernizes, or becomes first world or whatever. That's when women usually have the most freedom, not in some third world place like Afghanistan. Women are then free to upgrade their standards and get rid of some guy who they can't stand or has made one too many mistakes, regardless of having a family etc. After all, the women will often get the house if she has custody of the kids and the guy will have to pay alimony until the kids are grown up. This wasn't possible so much in my parent's day, when divorce was actually a dirty word. Nowadays, an ex-wife can actually be better off if she gets the house and kids plus alimony plus a new live in boyfriend–a friend with benefits. Now what about the guy and how does this relate to Thailand?

The over 40+ guy, still enjoys female companionship but quite frankly can't find much available other than in his own age range. Now what's wrong with his age range. To be honest, most men I have ever talked to, including myself, are attracted to women between 18 – 40. There are deviations of course. Sometimes an older woman can be very sexy and attractive if they maintain themselves. However, most don't; they just let themselves slide. The waistline expands like their bank account, I guess. Evolution has hard wired us men to be attracted to the younger age group because they are sexually active and fertile, and usually much better looking. Why would we be attracted to menopausal women? There is no logical reason for this as Nature has programmed us to be attracted sexually and then reproduce, and menopausal women are over the hill. Us men are attracted to women with certain characteristics (like those Thai women). Believe it or not there are certain universal standards of beauty related to facial symmetry and waist, hip, chest ratios. They actually did this experiment all over the world and regardless of culture, the men chose certain characteristics. For us men, physical attractiveness in women is rather important. That's why we are visually stimulated by pictures in Playboy and Penthouse magazines. Yes, women also love good looking men but in the long run, it's those with the resources who land the Lookers. Nowadays, there are legions of us divorced, lonely men, who are still physically active and can still get it up. We have the genes of hunters running through our blood so what are we supposed to do? Forget about sex, or pretend to be interested in your average overweight, cranky, disillusioned menopausal lady with just about zero sex appeal. That's every guys worst nightmare! Now if they invented a pill that does the opposite of Viagra (kills your irritating sexual urges) than that may be a solution. We wouldn't need Thailand that's for sure and could then spend the rest of our days behaving ourselves and not being an "embarrassment" overseas. Our society doesn't sanction May / December relationships and the young attractive women in our culture ignore us over 40 "geezers". Well, that's unless we happen to be Hugh Hefner of Playboy fame. He's 80 and has three under thirty girlfriends. All the more power to him. But look at the Resources he commands! Some Hunter!

Now, we get to Thailand, or any other place where there is a plentiful supply of young, unattached, and attractive women who are looking for resources. Nature in its infinite wisdom has provided for all of us. Doesn't matter if we are 20 or 80. If we can still move and have some resources, we can find somebody. That's the fact. Yes, you can look down on the women who "sell" themselves and the old farts who go out with them but what harm is it doing. And by the way, marriage is a kind of sale also when you look at it closely. The older guy with the younger lady is not really as disgusting or out of place as it seems. Actually, it's more common than you think. Sex and affection in exchange for resources. I, personally, feel that's better than spending years alone, or with some old "cow" and waiting to die. As for the Dating Game for over 40+ guys in my hometown; if younger guys in their twenties are complaining that's it's not easy (unless they are a hockey player or rock star), then I know it's going to be even more difficult for me. It's not that I don't have a personality or I am a "loser" as some women maintain. I'd rather just go to Thailand or elsewhere. I love that Hugh Hefner guy cause at least he is being honest. He couldn't stay married but he provided the resources to his ex and kids and remained a part of their lives. That's the way it should be if things don't work out. But nobody should begrudge us old farts; our escape overseas. There is nothing disgusting about it and we are just following our destiny as programmed by our genetic makeup and evolution. As long as nobody gets hurt and we take responsibility, what is the problem? I suspect that the ones who disapprove so much about these activities are really just Jealous and Trapped. They hate to see others having fun and being free. Or they don't have the courage to get out of their rut. I don't have any illusions about finding the love of my life in Asia or anywhere else for that matter and I don't fall in love with any woman who treats me half decently–I've already done that and it was a great experience, no regrets. I love younger women and I love being with them and that's the truth and any honest man will say the same thing. I do have older women friends but I am not sexually attracted to them and would never dream of an affair. I used to feel guilty about this and I actually thought that something was wrong with me (am I a lecherous old fart to be attracted to younger women). No, just about every guy I meet feels the same way and not just on Stick's site. If you want to blame something, blame Mother Nature for making us guys the way we are.

For those idiots who fall in love overseas with a bargirl or freelancer–who told you to do that? Just enjoy the sex and companionship and provide the resources but don't expect anything more than that. Change is good. You'll find that after a few months or years (or even less with some guys), you may be a little tired of your lady, and she, with you. It's like eating steak every day. Humans crave new experiences and change and I think that applies to partners as well. Every time I ask a friend who has been married over ten years how the sex is in their married life, I get a slight pause. Some insist that its just as great as during the honeymoon days–but without conviction in their voices–most admit that its not the same, when they can find time to do it. I'm not advocating that these couples break up, since they have a lot more in common besides sex; but why are we all so possessive, and why does a woman file for divorce if her mate cheats one time but otherwise is a good provider and husband. Maybe, we should all allow our mates to "cheat" once a year with no questions asked and all precautions taken. Would that result in the end of marriage as we know it or perhaps a revitalization of it? Well, enough said as I seem to be on the verge of opening up another can of worms. Life is difficult but interesting.


Stickman's thoughts:

No real thoughts.