Readers' Submissions

Personal Observations

  • Written by Anonymous
  • September 21st, 2005
  • 14 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

Stickman's guide to Bang kok

Seven Seas Hotel Phuket more info

You know, after reading some of the submissions lately and mulling over why we say and do the things we do I am wondering if perhaps I’ve come up with some of my own reasons as to why I see things as I do. I’ve submitted a couple of articles in the past, some I’ve allowed to be credited and others I have not. This one I think I will as I’m curious to see if my experiences are the same as other people that spend a lot of time in the LOS but don’t live here full time.

As I write this I am sitting in my hotel room in BKK, just having arrived a week ago for what by my standards will be a rather short trip. I am only going to be here for about two weeks this time, but plan to return within the next month for a longer stay. Some things happened at home (Canada) that meant I had to be there for longer than planned thereby cutting this trip a bit short.

So some of the things that I have read on Stick’s site lately got me to wondering, and that can be a dangerous thing. I try to ignore the obvious trolls (sorry Stick but to me Akasha is/was a troll, 3 posts in 5 days with wildly conflicting views not to mention the actual lie in one of them, I did respond to her/him via email but did abusive nor was I supportive so her assertion to the contrary speaks volumes about her honesty.) and understand that what we all write are things as we see them. Having said that, ten people can live the same experience and come away with ten different views on what happened.

What first made me think was the renewed talk about western vs. Thai women. I will admit that I have little to no use for western women. Again we go back to the old oh he can’t get any at home that’s why he comes to Thailand, well that is just simply not true. I choose to come here as I enjoy the people and the country. Perhaps because I don’t live here I am more able to not be bothered by some of the things that get to the long timers. But back to the women, after reading the different views on western vs. Thai women it struck me that I don’t really have a problem with how western women look. I mean yes as a general rule western women are of a bigger size than Thai women. For some people that is a plus and not for others. I was in MBK today (I love that place) and as I sat there watching the world go by I noticed that hey there are a very large number of Thai women that are well, portly… so much for the they are all little delicate wisps, that is just not the case. So there goes that stereotype out the window. But still to me I just find looking at the average Thai woman to be much more pleasing to me than western women. I wonder though is that because they are easier on the eye, or is it because when looking at western women you (read me) can’t seem to view them in a vacuum and when I view them I also can’t help but think about all the emotional baggage that they bring to the table. Then it hit me. That’s the whole point for me….

I just like the whole Thai female package better. What do I mean by package? Well as I’ve touched on in the past, the whole movement in the west over the last couple of decades has been all about empowering women to be the best they can be, which is great. But the problem seems to be that too many of these women think that means they can now get everything that was once restricted to only men, and on top of that they also get special rights for being women. If you have lived in a western country in the last while you’ll know what I men. Men don’t seem to know whether they are coming or going. They tread on egg shells around women, not knowing what they say that might set one off. You know the old women want to be treated like equals, well except when it comes time to pay for anything and oh yeah hold the door open for me and so on and so forth. It’s rather a confusing time to be a man. I have honestly had the experience in the last 3 months of holding a door open for a woman behind me entering a mall and as she got to the door instead of a polite thanks she told me her arms weren’t broken and she was more than capable of opening the door on her own. I mean what is going on? I would have held the door whether it was a man, woman or child, it’s called common courtesy. I think everyone should extend it to everyone else; it would sure make the world a nicer place to call home.

I hate to admit it but I guess I am looking for a more simple life. The big knock I hear about western men being with Thai women (any woman for that matter from a poorer country) is that they are not our equals. We will get bored in time with not being able to have talks with them about world views and financial matters etc. I think that I have now come to understand that I don’t want or need that. I don’t care. I mean if that makes me shallow so be it. Life is hard enough and there is so much wrong with the planet that I don’t want to spend my leisure hours discussing why the Chinese gov’t does what it does or what about that oil shortage, I mean I know there are issues in the world that need attention and can and should be talked about, buy why do I have to do it with my TGF? Can’t I just enjoy her company and the journey of personal discovery we are on together? Is that wrong? As stated in the past I’ve been seeing a respectable Thai girl for a while now. I can’t ask for anything more, she is beautiful inside and out to me. We have fun together, we learn about each other’s culture, she is more than willing to try new foods and ask me about places I’ve been and she would like to see some day. We do talk about many things, things we like and general conversation. I find it hard to believe I am the only western guy on the planet that has met a Thai girl like this. I think it’s a safe bet that Stick being the worldly educator that he is, his wife must be able to hold up her end of the relationship.

So back to Western men and women, here is what I see as one of the biggest reasons for the divide that seems to be growing greater with each day between them. In the west, it often seems that no matter what a man does he’s wrong, to a varying degree of course. As an example, let’s say one of the major complaints that western women have is that men aren’t open enough and don’t talk about their feelings enough (we’ve all heard that one) and on a scale of 1 -10 they give you a grade of 5. Ok that’s barely a pass, but it’s a hell of a lot better than men 15 years ago… and light years beyond men from 30 years ago. But it still isn’t enough for today’s western woman. So how did I come up with this? Well one of the habits of my TGF (Thai Girl Friend) that I have been trying to help her break is that old “I look after you” mentality. I try to explain to her that her feelings do matter it’s not enough for her to do everything for me; she says oh it makes me happy to make you happy. Well that’s great, but I can’t be fully happy unless you are as well. So it’s important that you tell me your views. I want to know what you want, not up to you, or I don’t mind but I really do want to make sure that you are getting out of this anything you might actually want. Now she is always telling me that is not the way it is in Thailand, the wife is just to serve her husband and nobody cares about what they want. So she is not used to it, but she is trying. There is the rub… although in the west my attempts at being open might rate a 5 at best, in Thailand they rate a 10+ sadly I guess I understand that the main reason is that because more Thais are so far out of touch with personal worth and self esteem etc that they are just amazed when anybody cares what they actually think.

It’s funny but when you think about it in that context it’s almost like all the work that western society has been trying to do on its men to make them more sensitive etc is being wasted there as men are just so fed up. But in an odd sort of way it’s making them better when dealing with people from outside of their culture. I wonder if in 30 years Thai women will become the “me, me, me” creatures that we are seeing so often in the west. I hope not but really who knows.

Another thing I find really funny (damn I can ramble when I get going) is that so many people are so unable to really tell other races apart. I mean I am generally very good at looking at someone of Asian heritage and telling you where they come from. I know that as a general rule I find Japanese, Korean and Thai women to be stunning (yes, yes.. generally speaking) yet I rarely if ever see a Chinese woman that does anything for me. I often wonder if my preference for these women is solely based on their looks (funny how only some Asian women are attractive to me) or because it represents a more old fashioned upbringing… and funny enough one that I seem to want to try and change ever so slightly. I hear all the western women saying I have to deal with Thai women because they are less demanding and I’m not up to the task of dealing with western women, etc…etc.. and there again is another huge issue. I don’t want to be part of anything that is THAT much work. I mean honestly if your entire relationship with someone is like a second job what is the point of it? Of course all relationships take some work, but it’s almost like western women look for a man that just doesn’t measure up so they have something to work on, to make him fit their mould. A fixer upper if you will.

In closing the one constant refrain I hear from all my western female friends is that I am selling my self short by seeing a woman half way around the world from me and what future can it really have and so forth. They seem to completely miss the point that by them telling me every time I am around them how wrong my current relationship is it only makes me appreciate what I have more. When I come here I am treated with respect kindness and never told what I am doing wrong just for the sport of it. I can’t speak for all men, but I can for me. I don’t want to spend 3/4s of my time with somebody discussing why I am with them and what I see in them, etc. I just want to enjoy the time we spend together and deal with any issues when they might come up. This seems to be a completely un-acceptable concept to our western females. If you aren’t working on making yourself better every single day somehow, then you are not the best you can be. *shrug* why can’t I just live my life (the operative word there being my) the way I see fit? As long as I am not hurting anyone else in society why does it bother them so?

Well it’s just about 4 PM and I think I’ll head over to my TGF office to meet her when she’s done for the day. How much do you want to bet that she will be pleased to see me and the night will be enjoyable, no matter what we do? Oh and for those that think they “know all about what men get up to in Thailand” I have never bar fined anyone, I’ve been to Nana once for about an hour and not to any of the other nightlife areas. Like someone else said recently I met my current TGF through a Thai male. She was employed by him and I did business with the company and at some point when I asked her out she actually spoke to her boss and he told her I was a good man and not someone she should worry about.

You know something else funny? Damn so much for “in closing”, one of the things that really used to bother me when out in public with my GF is that I still believed all the old myths about all Thais look down upon any Thai girl with a falang. That is just not the case perhaps it was at some point but I know it’s not now, or at least not to the extent that many people would try and have you believe. This has been a topic of conversation with many of my GF’s friends. I use to worry that when people would see us out they would think she was a working girl, not because of anything she does or the way she dresses etc (she’s quite conservative clothes wise) but just because I was led to believe that everyone assumed any girl with a falang was a working girl. When I asked her about it she said not everybody thinks that way and most Thais can tell who is a bad girl, who is a respectable girl, more importantly she said “I know who I am, my friends and family know who I am, why should I care what anyone else thinks that doesn’t know me?” Smart girl… Interestingly enough I have noticed that Thais tend to treat her much differently (in a good way) if they happen to find out during their interaction with us that she is not a bargirl. As an example this past weekend we went to see the Emerald Buddha (I really love that place) and on the way home in the cab we were chatting and I was bugging her about how I was going to sleep in tomorrow while she had to be at work for 8 AM, the driver hearing this asked her where she worked and what she did (customer service rep for a large manufacturing company) it was almost like night changed to day, he was so much more friendly and talked to us the rest of the way back, even offered to take me out the next day while she was at work and show me some sights, “no charge, my day off” I guess they really don’t like westerners sleeping with bargirls…but it was a first and an eye opening experience for me.

Ok now I’m done… seriously… for real this time…

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