Readers' Submissions

My Boring Thailand Trips

  • Written by Anonymous
  • September 17th, 2005
  • 4 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

By The Relaxed Farang


I go to Phuket about every 3 months. It’s so boring I don’t know how I stand it.

I usually get in about 7:30 pm of a Sunday night to be met (usually belatedly) by my Thai girlfriend whom I have known for about a year. I have given up trying to devise a way to get her to be on time. I’m sure that if I said to expect me at 4pm she would still be late for the 7:30 pm arrival. This is not an endearing trait and the Thais are not alone. I lived in Cali, Colombia a few years back and my Caleña had the same problem. Interestingly enough when I asked her what would happen if she turned up an hour late for work she looked at me as if I was stupid. “I would get fired of course”, was the reply.

My girlfriend works in Bangkok now as, after the Tsunami and after me, the bar-work is a bit tough and she doesn’t need to work bar anymore. She works in her Dad’s warehouse in Bangkok for very small wages that are supplemented by me. During the evening she attends English language classes (110 baht per hour). Her dad doesn’t like me, although he has never met me, because I sleep with his daughter and we are not married. Her dad has had at least 3 wives and an unknown number of mistresses of both sexes (the other sex being the Thai 3rd gender of ladyman) but he seems reasonably happy to drink the duty free booze I bring for him on my trips.

Well, back to the boring story.

We then head back to the small bungalow that I keep rented in Phuket as it is cheaper than getting an hotel each time. I can also leave a lot of my gear there.

The first night we usually go to the bar where she used to work to catch up with old friends and the owner who is also a good friend of mine.

The rest of the time is spent going to the beach (mainly by myself, as she doesn’t want to darken her skin), eating home cooked meals in the bungalow, going out with a few friends for drinks, having friends over for food and drinks etc.

Sometimes we go to Bangkok to catch up with her myriad of full and half brothers and sisters. Occasionally we go to visit her mum who lives in some god-forsaken industrial area a couple of hours out of Bangkok.

I usually rent a car for the duration of my stay. This is a self-preservation thing as it puts metal between myself and the maniacs on the roads in Phuket. It also makes sightseeing much easier and we sometimes drive to Koh Samui.

The drive from Phuket to Koh Samui takes 5 to 6 hours but the countryside is interesting. I also like the ferry trip to Koh Samui.

I suppose the most dramatic thing that has happened during our relationship was when I “finished” her because she stayed out all night dancing with her friend. It’s not that I had a problem with her staying out all night but not if she wanted to stay with me. I don’t have any problems if she goes out with her friends as I hate Thai modern music and I would prefer to go to a bar to listen to Rock but I wasn’t that impressed with worrying whether she had had another motorbike accident. The last one laid her up for a week when she dropped the bike coming around a bend. At the time she was drunk and didn’t feel the pain until a few hours later.

The next trip is coming up in about 5 weeks or so. This time my daughter is coming as well as she hasn’t visited Thailand before. My daughter is very excited about the upcoming holiday and also about meeting my girlfriend and her son.

I don’t lie awake at night worrying if I am being lied to or ripped off. One of the great things about being a “big boy” is that you can take responsibility for your own life and your own mistakes. No one is going to send you to your room if you cock it up and your mum isn’t going to make it better.

My life is a lot of fun now.

Every morning that I wake up I realize that a lot of other people didn’t.

So lets see what we have here:

  • Old farang with young Thai girlfriend.
  • Girlfriend is ex bar-girl.
  • Farang sponsors girlfriend.
  • Farang doesn’t lose sleep worrying about what girlfriend is doing.
  • Everyone is happy with the relationship.

Sometimes it works.

Stickman's thoughts:

I wonder what your daughter will make of it all?