On Jettisoning A Thai Girl
By Nak Pa-Jon Pai
In response to B Dog's "How Do You Jettison a Thai Girl" and Stick's thorny question regarding breaking off an established relationship:
How do you break off ANY relationship? I mean, apart from moving to another country with no forwarding address. The funny thing is I agree with B Dog's advice:
"Don’t say anything you don’t mean or make stupid promises you really don’t intend to keep. What you may consider innocent flirting she will take as a contract signed in blood (your blood mind you)."
Good solid advice, regardless of what you are doing or where you are.
I say it's funny because it's good advice and it's also complete bullshit. No disrespect to B Dog mind you, it's just that even if you don't make any promises, it won't make any difference because the woman will fill in the blanks as she sees fit.
Even if guys don't lay it on thick, they usually don't say what is on their mind, for fear of not getting laid. I’m here to tell you that it doesn't make that much difference on the outcome, paid or "unpaid" GF. ("unpaid"? More on that later…) If she is spending time with you, she considers you a prospect and her imagination will do the rest.
I have always been very direct. "I don't want to get married, I don't want kids. I don't want a room mate. I like spending time with you and if it's mutual then that's a good thing. I also like my time by myself." I still am direct, but when the split comes, it doesn't change a damn thing. The only reason I do it is so my own mind is clear on what happened.
You might be asking, “Why do you bother to start a relationship if you expect it to end?”
Well, we seem to exist in a society of serial monogamy. I like women and they appear to like me. I am very clear about the status quo and if they insist on deluding themselves, I don’t see it as a reason for me to be alone and/or celibate. I also find some very cool women along the way who are still my friends. If it doesn’t end, that’s a bonus but everything ends, sooner or later
I have written before about expectations (see: Questions for the Burned Farang) but realistically, the only expectations you can even hope to manage are your own, particularly in matters of the heart.
In Canada, I met a girl, in a bar, and she took me home. She turned me every which way but loose that night and then again in the morning. She cooked me breakfast then sent me on my way. Both the big head and the little head were liking this quite a lot, so I went back for more. As time passed, she kept remarking on how long we had been going out and she was always overestimating the duration. This started some time in the second week! I had to bite my lip to stop from asking "Is this some kind of endurance record for you?" but my spidey senses were sure tingling. About a week later, she was banging on my front door at 5 AM because I had not returned a voice mail she left the night before. (I got home from work at 2 AM.)
Kudos to Stick’s advice, and I will repeat it here: One tantrum and they're gone. Paid or unpaid. Period. If I want drama, I'll go see a play. If I want flakes, I’ll buy granola.
She was toast that same day, but that was far from the end of it. Screaming fits at the bar, nasty emails and phone calls, one drunken rant on the front lawn at 2 AM and slander about me to anyone who knew me, may have known me or might know me in the future. I finally solved the problem with a Temporary Restraining Order and the threat of a slander suit. My guess is that she has some difficulty dealing with rejection. Another possibility is that she was banking (pun intended) on a bigger, long term payoff and she resented losing her investment. Perhaps I was the only one that returned for more. Thank God she didn’t keep my deposit.
I can hear you say "Well, obviously the woman was nuts". I agree completely, but I am more convinced every day that they are all nuts (Hoo boy! That's gonna cost me 😉 ).
The bottom line is; Nuts or not, this girl's "best before" date was rapidly approaching, she had an agenda that she didn't tell me about and I rained on her parade. What I considered a date was actually an audition. I gave her the part but she didn't understand the role. No, on second thought, she understood the role but she didn’t tell me that she had every intention of re-writing the script.
G Dog said: “No matter how careful you may be, you are dealing with a stratum of women whose expectations, needs and wants are likely to defy all of YOUR perceptions of human logic.”
Ummmm…. Excuse me? There are other strata? It seems to me like you’re covering the whole bunch quite nicely. Sorry, couldn’t resist.
Jack Nicholson in “As Good as it Gets” was asked “How do you write so well from a woman’s perspective?” His reply was, “Simple, I think like a man and then I remove reason and responsibility”. That’s paraphrased, but its pretty close.
Excuse me if I'm getting too philosophical here but often I wonder how honest any relationship is, anywhere in the world. I'm sure many are, but I frequently see marriages that exist as mutual convenience, or worse, when one person just sees the other as a stepping stone. I overheard two average girls the other day, saying "Wow, imagine if you could snag him, you'd be set for life". No, they weren't talking about me and if I knew who they were talking about, I would have tracked him down and warned him.
There was a time that I would never have considered paying for sex. The direct quid pro quo makes it tougher to maintain the fantasy and it's hard on my ego. Now, I am a firm believer in the philosophy "If it fucks, floats or flies, rent it" because I always was paying for it, just on different terms and payment schedules. Of course, if you can borrow it, so much the better :-).
As for an LTR or marriage, the boomsing / expense ratio is very low and unreliable on steadily depreciating assets. Sure, there were some good times but as a friend of mine who is even more cynical than me said, "If you want to avoid the stress and
mental anguish of marriage and divorce, just go find some bitch that you can't stand and give her your house." From the above observations, I conclude that there is no line between a so-called relationship and the sex trade, just a continuum.
This is why break-up problems exist at just about all levels.
You’ve read my rant thus far, so trust me; I do have a point to make.
From all of what I have read on Stick's site (much of it very well written) I see Thais, BGs and Thailand in general discussed as some alien species but I really don't see a lot of difference from here to there when it comes to relationships and the difficulty of breaking one off, particularly if there is fiscal or emotional disparity. This is just my experience, so I am probably missing something or perhaps I’m just a whacko magnet. I'm not an expert on Thailand and I am sure as hell not an expert on women so allow me to rephrase Stick's question:
Assuming that there is no "best" way to end a relationship, what are the differences between Western women and Thai women that make break-ups more difficult, or at least different, to manage in Thailand?
Joe, in “How To Get And Then Leave Your Teerak” shares my view that people are people, some good, some bad everywhere, but many others on this site think it’s more complicated. I intend to be spending a lot more time in LOS but if I should expect more drama there than I have experienced here, I think I need to know now.
I'm in my mid '30s and growing up in NZ, I remember that divorce was not really that common. In perhaps the past 20 years there seems to be more and more couples divorcing although what the figures are, I do not know. Whether the rest of the Western world was similar or not, again, I really do not know. But nowadays, roughly half the marriages in major Western countries end in divorce, and there seems to be something of a major scrap for the cash and assets. When we look at it like this, yes, relationships in the West and those in Thailand are really not that much different.