Stickman Readers' Submissions August 1st, 2005

Control, Control, Control

by Rockster

This submission is in response to requests on how to jettison a Thai girl. Many thanks to Stickman and prior submissions for most interesting and quality material.

In Thai culture the woman can be extremely subservient, attending to you every need, or she can be extremely dominating, as in many Thai-Thai marriages where the woman controls the household, the money and often the men. However the rule
in Thailand is "up to you". Never forget that!

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Maintain Control
In Beanflicker's "A Bargirl Freebie, Possible?" post he let control of the relationship go to the bargirl (BG). Going to a BG's place for the night is pretty scary because one has no idea
of what they are walking into. Letting the girl plan and organize a trip outside of Bangkok further relinquished control to the BG. It is nice to have help or suggestions in panning a trip but it is best to keep most of the control yourself. Some
people may enjoy letting go of control and seeing where the adventure leads them. Personally, I do not think it is safe or wise. In the USA I am not much of an alpha-male. It is much easier to be in control in Thailand.

Of course having a "short time only" policy with the BG's keeps everything simple, yet many guys enjoy the girlfriend experience (GFE) of having a girl around for a couple days. The GFE can be enjoyable with the right girl.
Just keep your head and realize this is not a girlfriend. She is a professional and this is her job!

Pick the Right Girl!
One observation that I would like to interject here is about breakfast. Typical scene: Guy brings a hard-core BG to breakfast in a nice hotel. They are not talking! OK? Nada. No communication! The girl
has an attitude and hardly looks at the guy. She is playing with her hair as well as checking her mobile phone and watch constantly. She is bored. She just wants her money and to get out of there! The hotel staff will smile at the guy when he
is looking at them. At all other times they are feigning disapproval. Clearly the guy lost face big time! Meanwhile the guy is grinning ear to ear like he just scored a supermodel as his girlfriend and looks very foolish.

If you are going to do long time with a BG or straight TG, pick the right girl with a good attitude, and at least basic communication skills. The GFE is going to be very awkward in public places if you can not talk with her, no matter how
beautiful or sweet the girl is. Sexual entertainment in private is one thing. Taking her into public for extended periods of time is another.

BG Control
Keep control of the BG right from the beginning. It is as simple as saying "I would like….". I would like to have ice cream. I would like to get something to drink. I would like to go to my hotel now.
I would like… I would like to sleep alone. Any resistance from the girl about anything, present the question, "Up to me, yes?" Any resistance to that question ask, "You want baht?" and again, "Up to me, yes?" All
of this should be done very calmly and with a smile whenever possible. Thai culture frowns on loud and impolite communication. Never get angry. Never raise your voice. Of course I am not advocating forcing the girl to do anything. She can say
no… but she will be paid accordingly and only for services rendered. Be fair. Remember that this is business. It is paying for services and you are the customer. This is Thailand… and it is up to you. However, the larger point in terms of
this submission is, maintain control.

Maintaining control makes it much easier to say goodbye when you want. Usually paying the girl will get her to leave. Say, "I would like to pay you now". If she is not leaving say "Where are you going now?" or "I
have a plan to meet a friend". If you think that she is hurt, try to help her save face (if you don't think you would be encouraging her too much) with, "Please give me your phone number for next time". If she is a really tough
case and everything else fails just get her out of the room. Suggest that the two of you go for ice cream or shopping. Make sure that she takes all of her stuff. When you are out on the street suddenly "remember" that you promised to
meet a friend, pay the girl, and say, "bye, bye".

TG Control
Control is extremely important for a "nice girl" relationship too. Pick the right girl. Consider avoiding virgins altogether because of the possibility of suicide or "fatal attraction" behavior
toward you on break up. Thai girls, especially virgins, get extremely attached and emotional. So do not play with straight TG's if you are not serious. Of course if she is experienced and is a social butterfly herself then all is fair. Be
upfront about who you are. If you want to see other girls let her know that you have many "friends".

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Pace the relationship. One of the best pieces of advice that was given to me is, "Do not see her every day". Such practice automatically keep distance in the relationship. From this point your communications can be more frequent
or less frequent thus pacing the relationship and attachment.

Another way to add distance to the relationship is not to sleep with her. Tell her you feel a little sick. Go to dinner and say good night. Do this more than once consecutively and you just shifted your romance relationship to friendship

No drama. Let the girl know that you expect her to always be polite. You can make the comment very casually. If she says something like, "Sorry I am not in a good mood today", you can reply "That's OK, just always be polite
to me." Any signs of violence or excessive drama, warn her once that this is not acceptable and dump her if it happens again. Set the rules on what is acceptable behavior up front. <Agree completely! One temper tantrum and that is the endStick>

Hotel Control
If you stay in a hotel it is much easier to control a bad situation. Access is controlled by the front desk. If you need help it is easy to get. If a girl gets violent, don't ever hit back… call for help
and have her ejected.

Live-In Break Up
It would seem to me that the goal is to get her out, get her stuff out, and create distance. It is much easier if you have control of the relationship. If you are paying the bill for the room and give up the
lease then you both have to move and you can go your separate ways. "I would like…." and "Where are you going?" can be most helpful phrases. I can not speak from experience on breaking up with a live-in BG or TG… thoughts
on the subject are most welcome.

Stickman's thoughts:

Some good advice here. I especially agree with the bit about where a girl gets violent or has a tantrum. End it there and then!

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