A Bad But Funny Case Of The Belly
A Bad But Funny Case Of Thai Belly
By Aussie Battler
I know this is literally a shitty topic but it's quite a funny story of my case of Bali belly when in Thailand on my first trip there.
Everything was going fine after the first week or so and everything in the bowel department was working quite fine and regular and was thinking about the stories I've heard of all the farang always having bowel problems and thought they just must be soft.
Well it got to the point where I hadn't or even needed to do the old number 2 for about 3 days and even eating some muesli and fruit instead of rice didn't seem to help much. Anyway my girlfriend and I headed over to Koh Samui for about 4 nights and after about the second day started to get some pretty sore stomach pains which I thought great, my relief would finally come but still no movement. So I tried to explain to my girlfriend that I needed some pills, which was quite humorous as she thought I just meant normal pain relief pills but had to describe I needed 'make me shit' pills, BADLY please.
So anyway it says to take them before bed but I couldn't wait so I popped a couple earlier in the night and then went out for dinner just to put another layer of carbs in my already struggling bowels. Luckily after dinner I decided to just go back to the room instead of one of the bars and within about 2 minutes of making that decision, sitting on the back of the moped, I knew it was a good decision as I knew I was in labour so to speak.
Before she could even stop the motorbike I was off that thing and trying to run up about 100 metres worth of stairs as our room just happened to be the highest up on the hill, all while trying desperately not to shit myself. I flung that door open threw my clothes off and proceeded to have the most relieving experience of my life.
But then it all went wrong, as in the west I'm so used to using toilet paper and often too much of it. I happened to block the bloody toilet and it wouldn't flush. Meanwhile my girlfriend has the door open outside trying to gasp for air whilst pissing herself laughing at my moans and groans of relief and apologising to me at the same time for laughing at me, which I didn't care about at all as it was pretty damn funny. It didn't help that the bathroom wasn't a sealed wall all the way around to the roof either.
So now I have finished, showered and cleaned up and am relaxing, thinking that's the end of it, trying to get some fresh air in the room and before I know it my bowels tell me they're not finished yet and scream for another visit. Now I am stuck thinking what do I do, do I shit in this already blocked to the brim toilet or try and run down the stairs and hope the toilet in the restaurant is open. Stuff that I said and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have made it there anyway, so I do the deed in our toilet and just hope that it will somehow settle down and be able to flush later and warning to my girl to definitely not look in there. I couldn't help but think to myself that if she stays with me after this stinky experience she's a good one.
Well it didn't flush and even after using a stick I couldn't get it to move. So my girlfriend agrees to go and get someone, much to my embarrassment, which she found very funny as she hadn't seen me embarrassed before. About 5 minutes later two young boys come up with a plunger and some other tools, while I'm sitting on the bed apologising profusely to them whilst also thinking I'm glad that's not me, but in my embarrassment tell my girlfriend to give them whatever money, I didn't care how much, but they were at least smiling and I think they saw the funny side to it. They were in and out of there in about 2 minutes flat with a job well done and I gave them 100 baht each which they seemed pretty happy with.
All in all a very smelly and messy night but at least we could laugh about it for a while.
Damned good of you to slip them some cash. It's a shitty job.