Readers' Submissions

Sin Sot – To Pay Or Not To Pay

  • Written by Eddie
  • July 12th, 2005
  • 8 min read

Of course the simple answer is a definite NO! Absolutely NOT. But it's not that easy. Having myself been involved in Thai lady relationships and actually close engagement, I have a little experience. How can you say absolutely no sin sod when you have fallen in love with your special Thai angel? Well, first you MUST separate your heart and you C..K from your brain long enough to think clearly. LOL

I just read the Australian man's submission, the #3 finale, about the "good girl" with the diamond in the tooth (haha) wanting money, and the ever increasing sin sod demands. It's ridiculous.

Personally, I would not pay one baht sin sod. I am very, very generous as it is, and the lady should be very happy just to have a good life with an honest man who makes a great living, and is generous with his money, and more than willing to help her family out, but not to give them a life time supply of gold, whiskey and a car to trash….. Well, I lied, I could probably be persuaded to give a small sin sod of no more than 50,000 baht if it is given directly back to my wife. Having said that, I am sure that my wife would get what she needs and family would probably even get what they truly needed from us depending on true needs. But I would not get stupid and lavish huge monthly allowances to the family. Are they going to help my family?

I have dated about 6 or 7 "good girls" and lived with two Thai ladies here in San Diego. In some ways, they are even more spoiled and want even more materialistically than the bar girls I have made good friends with. I also have some Thai male friends that I stay in touch with. They generally think the Farangs who waste large sums of money on the Thai girls, especially bar girls, are insane. Yes, I do speak enough Thai to get by (and to understand what the people are saying about Farangs). Not perfect, but plenty to get by anywhere I go in Thailand, and yes, I also speak a tad of Lao / Isaan.

I preface this by saying that I do love Thailand, and I have been in love with Thai women before, and currently have a Thai GF. And I understand their culture is different from mine. I have taken the time to learn their language and some of their culture. If my lady loves me, she also should learn some of my language and culture. I have traveled all over the country, and I have stayed in small villages, been to big weddings and small weddings. But usually with Thais the weddings always end up big, loud and drunk, and costing plenty, especially in the Northeast. <There is a big difference between a raucous village wedding and a city wedding. They are quite different affairsStick> Also you are expected to buy lots of Thai gold for you lady. I’m guilty of doing that to a smaller extent without even getting marries. LOL

Honestly Stickman, why is it we must adhere to this ritual sin sod which is now way out of whack, as the sin sod is supposed to go back to your bride anyway? In my country the Bride's parents pay for the whole wedding, and the invitees all give you money and gifts. The Thai boys / men CAN'T be giving these huge sums for sin sod…. Can they?

Thai girls ask about marriage all the time. I think the next time a lady asks me about marriage, sarcastically but acting serious, I will ask how much the family is willing to spend on our wedding and gifts and decide whether or not it is enough for me. Of course it will be
nothing.

I asked a girl once who asked me for 1million baht sin sod (she was a high school teacher and my Thai tutor's best friend) how would you ever expect a Thai man to pay that
much? She says, "I don't know but I have a friend (my Thai tutor, who was also a virgin") who got 500,000 from Farang, plus nine bath of Thai gold, so I want one million baht."
I'm thinking, "YOU banged me on our second date, and my teacher told me you have had numerous affairs…and you want 1 million baht? You are insane." These are just my thoughts. She is now in Holland with boyfriend, and still unmarried, and still instant messaging me. She's totally disillusioned, believing that some guy is going to pay her million or she's not getting married.

And the Bar Girls are now asking for large sin sods from insane Farangs too? I have one
friend who paid eight baht of Thai gold, plus 250,000 baht (for virgin good girl). Another friend paid a bar girl 300,000 + gold, and sends 30,000 or more to the family every month. She moved to the U.S. with him.

From what I know, she will leave in as soon as her passport is secured. haha. I have another friend in Thailand who gives his wife and family a 50,000 baht allowance PER MONTH! He also built the family a home. And she always comes up short every single month. I can see it tearing him down, as he lives on a pension, and she and her family are getting most of it.

A lot of the guys I know build houses for their ladies too. I guess that's cool if you know you are going to live in it forever, or you’re rich, or you just don't mind giving away a house, because it won't be in your name. There is a way to lease the house that you buy or build (some legal mumbo jumbo and corporation stuff) But if you do that the girl will claim you don't love her. DON'T EVER buy into that BS line. NEVER. Like I say, if you are rich, and you don't mind giving away houses, gold, large monthly allowance, fine… go for it. I'm quite well off myself, I just don't like being taken for a fool.

I guess enough Farangs have paid the ransom now, that all the women and families want a piece of the action now. Do NOT buy into this culture. Isn't it funny how they adopt all the parts of western society that they like, and keep the tradition of Siam that they like (they will profit from). Actually smart if you can get away with it. I mean I would give them maybe 40 or 50,000 baht and help pay for the wedding, but these ridiculous demands …. (I take that back. I don't think I would pay one penny up front) but I would help out some small amount in the future if TRULY warranted.

I know I sound jaded, but I'm not. I love Thailand. Anywhere you live, there will be small annoyances. When in Rome ….. Well, to a certain point. LOL.

Believe it or not, I still love Thai ladies. I'm just trying to get some reason to this, and stop the wholesale perpetuation of huge sin sods that are not warranted, especially to bargirls. The larger sin sods go to the virgins. Yes, virgins do exist in Thailand still.

I have gone to Thailand every 7 to 12 week for the last 4 years and spent more than 2 years in Thailand. Also lived in Australia with a westernized Thai lady, who thinks the tradition is ridiculous too. I have many friends in Thailand, both Farang and Thai. I'm sure I will spend a lot of my future there.

I just felt like venting about this sin sod thing, because I now have another friend getting married. She is trying to blackmail him. I told him to offer no more than 50,000 sin sod. She wants 300,000. I talked to his fiancée for him since he doesn't speak Thai. She is not even officially divorced, and has a 7 year old child. If there was ever going to be 300,000 sin sod that would not be the case. I told her she was going to scare him off if she asked for too much. LOL.

I realize everyone is different and is going to do what feels right at the time, but if it does NOT feel right, listen to that feeling, and do not be pressured into paying a ransom to a family, especially to a girl who already has children, or works in the bar profession. It truly is ridiculous. I also understand how and why, especially an older Farang can be talked into this, and make himself believe it's right.

Good luck to every single person who pursues any type of life in Thailand, or relationship with a Thai lady. Try… try…. try …. to take it slow and don't rush into anything. I almost married the first lady I met in Thailand a little over 4 years ago. Thank God I did not.

Peace and Love,
Eddie

Stickman's thoughts:

The comment about how they want to adopt or follow certain aspects of farang culture and certain aspects of Thai culture – those that are most advantageous to them, is succinct indeed. Men simply have to be strong in relationships with Thai women. Sadly, so many farangs seem to become horribly weak when in the company of Thai females…