Stickman Readers' Submissions July 30th, 2005

How Do You Jettison A Thai Girl

Answer: Very, very carefully. Relocation and a new identity advised. On the other hand why not avoid the situation altogether.

Don’t set the stage for unreasonable expectations in the first place. If you’re going to treat your BG like a girlfriend you already have BIG problems looming before you. She’s not your girlfriend. This may sound ironic but be honest. Let them know you’re a butterfly, a Boeing 747 sized butterfly that only stops for refueling and picking up new passengers. Believe me this will not diminish your standings as a prospective customer. That’s what you are. Tell them you’re married. Tell them you have ten kids. Then ask how much for short time. You’ll probably get a discount.

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Never do two night stands. With all the available BGs in the realm why on earth would you want to limit your prospects in this way? Again, doing so only creates unreasonable expectations and you’re the one who will eventually pay for whatever misunderstandings that WILL arise from doing so. I’d almost go so far to say “Short time only” but then you’d miss out on that morning bonk and the predictable morning after shopping spree. What fun! Don’t do it.

Don’t say anything you don’t mean or make stupid promises you really don’t intend to keep. What you may consider innocent flirting she will take as a contract signed in blood (your blood mind you). In fact, the less detail you dish out the better. Why do punters give out email addresses or phone numbers if they don’t expect them to be used? Would you give out this information to a complete stranger back home? I don’t think so. My point is this, if you give out this type of detailed information, isn’t it reasonable for your new honey to make use of it. Of course she will. And, you asked for it! You encouraged it!

Get real. You’re not a “handsome man” and it wouldn’t make the slightest difference even if you were. These are business women. She’s a bargirl, not your girlfriend. You’re a customer, not Tom Cruise. Be up front with want you want and most of all stop bull shitting yourself. It will make life easier for everyone involved and you just might have great time without all the un-wanted drama.

Fact, if you’re in the realm and looking for BG related fun you are a sex tourist. Say this to yourself ten times “I am a sex tourist; I am a sex tourist… ”. Accept it. Embrace it. Perfect it. If you can’t admit to this you are not cut out for this game and very likely to get burnt. Stop looking for girlfriends & relationships in whore houses. If a relationship is really what you crave, stay at home, join a church and flush the Viagra (…well, maybe you should hold onto the Viagra).

Will all this insulate you from unwanted or unexpected conflicts with every BG of your choice? You can bet your sweet @$$ it won’t. No matter how careful you may be, you are dealing with a stratum of women whose expectations, needs and wants are likely to defy all of YOUR perceptions of human logic. Not to mention that a few are just plain crooks or crazy (a small minority by my experience). But, we can only blame so much on cultural difference, greed and insanity.

I’ve heard Thailand described as the “Disneyland” for adults. It is. Especially for those who only visit on very limited vacation time. It’s very easy to get caught up in the fantasy that is Nana, Soi Cowboy and Patpong. It’s easy to forget who we actually are those other 340 working days of our life. Shit, who would want too? After all, two or three weeks from now we’ll be eight or ten thousand miles away from here. We’re gone, were good, we’re planning our next trip. Sorry bud. You’re setting yourself up for a first degree ass kicking of the cultural kind. I don’t care where you’re at, vacation, work, or visiting mom. It doesn’t matter. If you do enough stupid shit it will eventually catch up with you. And believe me, stupid shit in the third world is stupid shit of the worst kind.

What’s the whole point? Come on, you know why you’re here. Do you really have to play boyfriend/girlfriend? If you do, don’t you think that’s enough (in of itself) to cause some level confusion, if not in her mind but yours as well? Get real!!! What are the prospects of a girlfriend located thousands of miles away from home in the first place? Complete fantasy I’d venture. Oh, but isn’t having that fantasy girlfriend part of the fun.

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Get this. Your dream girl has been through this a thousand times and knows a fool when she sees one. She sees this as her advantage. She will leverage your need for affection for her personal gain and that’s why she’ll cling to you as long as you are willing or able to pay for it. After all, she is a business woman and she knows that successful relationships with farangs are few and far between. You call this fun? These are business women. She’s a bargirl, not your girlfriend. You’re a customer, not Tom Cruise. Keep that in mind while the two of you are shopping the gold store.

Stickman's thoughts:

Good advice on how to avoid problems with a bargirl, but the questions still remains, how you do jettison a Thai girl you are in a full relationship with? Anyone?

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