Stickman Readers' Submissions June 6th, 2005

The Slippery Slope

This time my wife was going to kill me for sure.

I looked across at Noi who was snuggled up beside me and figured that death was indeed a very reasonable price to pay for what I had just had over the last three days.

He Clinic Bangkok

Have you ever woken up in the Penthouse Hotel in Pattaya with the sexiest woman you have ever seen, lying naked beside you? Well, if you haven’t, I can recommend it.

The thing about the Penthouse Hotel is that it specializes in fun. Fun of a carnal nature. The bedrooms are equipped with audio and video systems, there are mirrors on the ceilings and condoms in the fridge next to the champagne.

Noi stirred, stretched her long legs, opened her eyes and purred into my ear, ‘One more time before we get up and face reality?’

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You bet!!

Rewind to three days ago.

It was Tuesday afternoon. I was in Sukhumvit Soi 4 and as my Irish mate, Declan would say ‘I had the devil in me’.

There wasn’t much going on at the office so going back to work today was not essential. The truth be told, going back to work was the last thing on my mind.

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The first thing on my mind was to have a few beers and if by chance this also involved the company of the fairer sex, then by damned I was going to have some of that too.

So, where to next?

As I have mentioned in a previous post, pool bars offer up very popular daytime entertainment in Bangkok these days. As I stepped into one of these places, I embarked on a three-day adventure, the likes of which I am sure you can only get in Thailand.

Inside I met Noi who is not the world’s greatest pool player (as if I cared) but she is one of the sexiest girls I have ever met. I say this with restraint, I am not one normally prone to exaggeration.

Noi is a tall, slinky woman with long legs, long hair and a wide smile. She just oozes sex appeal. She seemed to have made her mind up as soon as she saw me that I was going to be her ‘mark’ for today. I immediately decided to put up no resistance whatsoever.

We had a few drinks, we played some pool and we generally had a good time. A few other punters came in and most wanted to play pool with me because this gave them a chance to talk to Noi. She really is quite a draw. A couple of Germans tried their luck then a couple of Swedes but I beat them all at pool and Noi shooed them off in the nicest possible way. Eventually I paid her bar fine and we left in search of some other entertainment.

Up the road a little way is a place I knew where there would be some live music, so we headed off there. Talk about dance. This girl sure knew how to strut her stuff. I’m sure I saw the three young US sailors sitting at the bar dribbling as they watched her.

During the course of the evening Noi told me that she had not been to Pattaya for a couple of years. In fact, she had hardly been out of Bangkok in that time and wouldn’t it be fun to go there and sit on the beach, go swimming and maybe play about on a jet-ski? At that point in time, I would have done absolutely anything for this woman. Taking her to Pattaya for a couple of days was really nothing at all.

We retired to one of my usual ‘stopover’ hotels and decided that we would drive down to Pattaya in the morning.

7.00 am came around and Noi hugged me before announcing that she had to go back to her apartment to collect some things such as a swimsuit, change of clothes and the usual stuff for a couple of days at the seaside. I was confused momentarily and then remembered that we had indeed made plans to go to Pattaya for a couple of days. Actually, I didn’t really think she was serious about this and I still had my doubts when she asked me for some taxi money and said she would be back in two hours.

I handed over the folding, kissed her as she left and flopped back down on the bed. I don’t function too well at 7.00 am and I needed at least another hour in the land of nod. I dozed off.

9.30 am and a gentle tapping on the door broke my reverie. Noi was back, sporting sunglasses and beachwear. We were going to Pattaya!!

Half an hour later we were clipping down the Bangkok-Chonburi Expressway on our way to Sin City by the sea.

We checked in to the Penthouse Hotel before scooting round to Mikes Shopping Mall because I needed to buy some holiday clothes. I was still wearing yesterday’s work clothes, black brogues, long trousers and a business shirt. Can you imagine how odd being dressed like this makes you feel in Pattaya? Noi was pulling long lingering looks from the farang tourists. One guy actually tripped up some steps as she walked by. I hadn’t felt a buzz like this for years!!

A few minutes later I’m sorted out with a pair of shorts, casual shoes, two polo shirts and a pair of swimming trunks. I asked Noi if she needed anything while we’re here but she politely declined.

After lunch on the beach, we made our way back to the hotel and spent a couple of hours in the swimming pool. As the afternoon wore on towards four o’clock, Noi decided that it was now cool enough to play about on a jet-ski. This is what she really wanted to come to Pattaya for, so we zoomed around the bay for half an hour on two of these machines.

She loved it. So did I.

Back to the hotel and Noi delivered an hour’s worth of pleasure that I will remember until the end of my days, maybe even longer. And remember, I’m not prone to exaggeration!!

As the evening closed in, it was time to find some dinner and to have a look around. I climbed into my new ‘Mikes Shopping Mall’ duds and Noi fixed her make-up before pulling on a cheeky, off-the-shoulder little number that she had brought with her. She cutely feigned surprise as I stood there, looking at her, drooling. Jesus, did she look good!!

So, off we went into the early Pattaya evening. Some dinner, some drinks and some more dancing, this time in the Bamboo bar.

We retired to the Penthouse around midnight and made the most of the facilities. Seriously, if you’ve never been to this place you must try it. It’s awesome.

On Thursday morning, Noi was happy to snooze in bed until sometime between ten and eleven. While she dozed, I gazed up at our reflections in the mirror on the ceiling.

This stuff just don’t come in jars!

I had now been missing in action for a couple of days. The wife had no idea where I was and my office had been unable to contact me because the battery in my cell phone had long run out. Did I care? I didn’t give a monkey’s. Thailand can do this to a man. I just wanted more of Noi.

By Friday morning, I was starting to get flashes of reality. I had to go home sometime and I probably had to put in an appearance at the office before too much longer. I looked across at Noi sleeping beside me and I just wanted time to stand still.

It didn’t of course and we had to put our three-day sex adventure behind us and return to Bangkok. This, we did and I dropped Noi off at her apartment before making my way to the office armed with the usual “the dog ate my homework’ type of excuses.

Work could be handled fairly easily, going home to the wife was a much more daunting prospect. I was in a cold sweat when I pulled into the drive. What reason could I possibly have for disappearing for three days? No phone call, no nothing?

Well, we are getting over it slowly. I’m not dead and all my appendages are intact so it’s not all true what they say about jealous Thai wives.

Holding my marriage together is important to me and can be managed but will someone please tell me how I get Noi out of my system? This bit is much harder.

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Stickman's thoughts:

Did you send the Mrs. down to Emporium with your gold card? I fail to see any other way out of that one!

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