Cultural / Racial Issues
I read with interest the submission from PK, mostly because we met our Thai girls / ladies in a very similar fashion and at about the same time, through a Bangkok based P I. My guy introduced me to my future bride by telling me she wasn't the prettiest girl nor the youngest that would want to meet me, but that she was "trustworthy". That was exactly what I wanted to hear – trustworthy. The major difference between PK and I are that I am in my mid 60s and my wife is in her mid 40s. Both couples have a 20 year age gap but the elder pair most certainly has a greater life experience.
So I would like to refute some of the "race issues" this whippersnapper offers up. (I'm not talking about bargirls – I know nothing of bargirls)
1# You will always be number 2
Of course you will always be number 2. Any female anywhere in the world that has a child will rate you as number 2. Western women find it useful to make their man feel like number 1, but it's an illusion and deceitful. Score one for the Thai girl, at least she's honest in that respect. <I think he meant she showed greater loyalty to her Thai family – being her brothers, sisters, parents etc. – Stick>
2# Calculate her maturity
20 years down the road PK might appreciate having a 45 year old wife that has a maturity level of a 30 year old – especially in the bedroom. I personally find it refreshing and enchanting that my 45 year old can get just as excited as a ten year old when spotting a deer along the road as well as other natural phenomenon. She's not burned out!!! Score two for the Thai girl.
3# Her intellect
It's quite possible your Thai girl is very intelligent and knowledgeable in things she is interested in, not the things you might be interested in. It is also quite possible that her lack of English skills prevents her from engaging in a deep conservation with you on these subjects. But then, you don't know any Thai at all except perhaps, mai pen rai. Score three for the Thai girl.
4# Lies, lies, lies
Yes – 'saving face' is difficult to deal with, but I look at it like she's making excuses for something that she's done and it's not really a lie per se. For instance: Her son recently bashed in a taillight lens on his / my new Isuzu pickup. Of course it wasn't his fault, the parking spaces were too narrow. If this makes everyone feel better – so what???? What's done is done. I have to believe he is going to be more careful in the future. It's called 'learning'. Score another for the Thai girl.
5# (others) It's all about money
Of course it's all about money. It's always been about money even before there was money. The cave people were hunters and gatherers and while the cave woman did the gathering, it was the caveMan that brought home the bacon. And so it is today and probably will be into the foreseeable future. Get over it!
It's not my intention to dis PK or anyone else that submits to this site but it seems to me that it's all about the guy and his expectations. I can't understand why the guy doesn't expect to help support her family. In America the governments take at least 60% of my earnings to help support other peoples families. So I don't find it unusual that my wife sends money to her family each month who don't get government support. <That is seriously flawed reasoning! Just because the US government does it, doesn't make it right! – Stick>
I would like to suggest that the guys try to view our world through a Thai lady's perspective.
In the first place, Thai girls LOVE Thailand and surprisingly enough, like to speak Thai as opposed to English. They know about Thailand's shortcomings, but it's their HOME for God's sake, and America isn't.
Secondly, you take a white girl out of Hawaii to Minnesota and you're going to have some serious relocation issues so why would you expect otherwise from a Thai girl.
I've known my wife of 2 years for 3 1 / 2 years now and we've had our ups and downs. Mostly 'ups' though, and I think that's the best you can hope for in a long term relationship. Personally, I think the cultural thing is overplayed and the real problem is the age-old dilema of 'men are from Mars and women are from Venus'.
Following are the things which I did that I believe made a difference.
1. Got a cheap phone service such as Vonage @ 12 cents / minute so that she is free to call home most anytime without putting a serious dent in the budget.
2. Installed a satellite dish and receiver so that she gets 4 Thai channels. Less than $200 and the TV is free. Also laid in a big supply of Thai music DVDs.
3. Found Thai speaking doctors and other professionals for her.
4. Take her to Thai restaurants and food stores with real Thai servers / workers.
5. Take her to the local Thai temple and their holiday events.
6. Sent her family an ATM card so that we could control the outflow as well as make the transfers cheaply
7. And the 'coup de grace' – took her to the local animal shelter to pick out her very own kitten. Now she has something in America which is truly her own.
And for all of the above I get a loving and affectionate companion, all the sex I could ever want, my clothes washed, my house cleaned, a massage whenever I want and where I want it, and finally the best damn healthy Thai food this side of Bangkok. She weighs 100 pounds soaking wet and works her butt off which is a cute little round one too.
I don't suspect heaven will be much better.
I strongly disagree with the 5 points you make. I find myself agreeing with PK…just my opinion…
But then I do admire you for the effort you have made to help her integrate into America.
In terms of looking after the extended family, I guffaw at some folks who pay money every month, put on a brave face in doing so, but deep down strongly resent it – and believe me, this is many. SOFT, WEAK….I could go on, but don't wish to alienate anyone.