I’ve been a reader of your column now for more than 4 years now. I’ve enjoyed your weekly and many of the reader submissions. I never felt compelled to write until now.
The theme of this submission is “support”. It’s a topic I’ve read on web site many times, but maybe mine has just a bit of a different twist.
I met my girl about five years ago. The relationship began like most of the BG/Farang relationships, recently divorced middle aged guy wanting sex, willing to pay cash. What was different was that I was able to get to BKK each month for a least a few days. During our first months together we traveled within Thailand to Phuket. The more time I spent with her, the more I was falling in love with her. By this time I had read lots of Stickman horror stories of girls living off multiple boyfriends and the various scams. My feeling was any money I give to her is money gone so just enjoy the moment. I knew these are high-risk relationships and not to expect too much. After 8 months or so I started to “support” her. I was giving her $1000/month. (US dollars). I was lucky I had a job that allowed me the cash flow to spend like that, plus meet all my other responsibilities back here in Farangland. (Child support).
Around this time, I also began to stay with her at her apartment rather than staying at a hotel. We continued to travel together, Chang Mai, plus she went with me on some of my business layovers to Singapore and Hong Kong. We had been together well over
a year now. While I was gone each month, she took some English classes plus finished up her high school equivalency. I spent some time with her family in Central Thailand. During this period I applied for a tourist visa for her and was successful
(a long process). She came here for almost three months here and met all my family and my two kids from my first marriage. I enjoyed her living here with me very much. My family and her hit it off well. I have two great kids (in their teens) and
they got along well with my Thai girlfriend also. All during this time I was supporting her with the monthly payments, plus all the other little extras like a cell phone, microwave etc. I was helping her sister with tuition money for her son.
I spent a lot of money.
Another year passed and we began talking marriage. I bought her a used pick-up truck to learn to drive in (we agreed she would need to live here with me in Farangland and would need to be able to drive. After getting her Thai drivers license the pickup has basically become her family’s car). I paid for the wedding, I paid the dowry. I helped her sister with some cash for building their home. I spent a lot money. Keep in mind when I say I spent a lot of money, I’m sure it’s less than some of your other writers have parted with. She has never been into the club of wanting new gold jewelry each month.
At this point this story isn’t unlike most I read here, but now is where it diverges.
We had a very nice wedding in her hometown; my sister and brother-in-law came for the ceremony. After waiting a few more months for the fiancé้e visa to come through my wife came to live with me here (I’m writing from Farangland). Also just in case any immigration folks are reading this <Yep, they do, have seen photocopies of many submissions strewn across the desks of various big wigs at Immigration. Why the name Dana is always circled I have yet to work out – Stick>, the Thailand wedding was ceremony only, no legal papers were signed; we were legally wed here in a separate ceremony.
Now the true “support” comes to the story. Right after she arrived I had to switch positions at work. It involved an extensive training and checking period. I was very stressed. I was so happy I had my new wife with me. She gave me encouragement, she took care of all the household chores, cooked up a storm, and most important just gave me support all during that period. This is a big deal; if I didn’t get through this training, I could lose my whole job. Everything went ok. She was wonderful.
Afterwards my wife became pregnant. She did great through the pregnancy, took care of herself and delivered a healthy baby girl. We were fortunate enough to get her folks a visa here for the delivery and first couple of months of our new daughter’s life. Her folks were very nice guests here. Her Mom was the constant babysitter, and her Dad did re-modeling work on our house here – he put in a whole new bathroom for me, plus some new walls in the basement. She has a very nice family.
What prompted me to write this letter is what happened three weeks ago. Out of the blue I began coughing up blood. At first they thought it was a nosebleed, but then they figured out it was a blood clot in the lungs. I was whisked into surgery. They removed the clot and also checked me out for cancer. Not smoking pays off, I don’t have cancer. We still need some answers about why the clot came in the first place, but over all I’m ok. The surgery sucked though. The last two weeks I’ve been one hurting person. My Thai wife has once again been great. For the four days I was in the hospital, I was the only one who had fresh Thai home cooking brought in for me each night. She made sure I was being taken care of, all the while taking care of our 4 month old and all the household chores. Most of all she made me feel loved and wanted. There is a possibility I could lose my job because of a medical problem like this (I hope not), my wife has said no matter what happens we will be together and things will work out. (Forgive me if I’m a little sappy here-remember I’m on some pretty heavy pain meds right now). If ever I needed a strong loving wife it’s been the last couple of weeks, and this wife is it. I’ve never loved her so much.
I know nothing is an absolute. I was married for 18 years before a divorce occurred that no one expected. Maybe a couple of years in the future this wonderful Thai wife I’ve been talking about will turn out to be the David Copperfield of scam women. But I don’t think so. I just better be the best husband I can be for her. The financial support I’ve given her has come back many times over now. I am truly lucky to find such a supportive woman.
Nice to hear such a positive story – just be careful of Mr. Copperfield!