Stickman Readers' Submissions May 9th, 2005

Second Adventure To Wonderland

By Del Boy

It was another seven months before I could get back to Thailand as I had been sacked from my job when I got back from the first visit. Not a big problem as I am a hairy arsed trucker and jobs are plentiful, but you have to show willing to new bosses and
knuckle down for the first few months.

This time I decided to go on my own and pay for a double room so as to avoid the over occupancy rip-off. I decided to stay in the same hotel as last time and a couple of weeks before I went back I decided I would grow some facial hair.

He Clinic Bangkok

It had been a while since I was there and I wanted to go back and not be recognized, it worked brilliantly and I would advise this to anyone who wants to see there ladies in the go go bars without them noticing you.

I went into my local bar across the road from the hotel (I don't know the name of it, I call it Mick’s bar as he is the boss and I get on well with him, lovely bloke, free plug for you there Mick).

Nobody noticed me nobody really cared that's why Mick’s bar is good when you want a quiet night away from the ladies you can have one.

CBD bangkok

I decided to go down town with Mick and ended up in a bar next to the one where the lovely lady was working when I was there last.

I decided to go in there on my own as Mick was sorted with a woman for the night. I went in and sat down in the same seat I always sat in on my last holiday which was just about every night of the two weeks.

I was gob smacked that nobody recognized me even though I was sitting in the same place (even though I had facial hair I was hoping somebody recognized me).

To my surprise the young lady in question came on the stage and started dancing, I was watching her and she looked over a couple of times and it didn't sink in who I was. (Was I hoping for too much after all she is only a bargirl, she
couldn't remember me could she?)

wonderland clinic

She finished dancing and went back into the darkness in the corner. After about 45 mins I decided it was time to find out if any of the girls could remember me and I caught the eye of one of her friends.

I called her over but she was too busy talking to a farang trying to get herself bar fined. So I shouted her name and she decided if I knew her name she would have to come and see who I was, I told her who I was and she freaked out and ran
over screaming all around the bar looking for my lady. This all caused a commotion and the mamasan came over to see what I had done to the lady and realized who I was and came over straight away (the first time I was there I left a lasting impression
on the lady and all her friends and the mamasan). (Ok I spent a lot of money in that bar the first time I was there).

The young lady in question came over and proceeded to throw her arms around me and complained about the beard. That was the welcome I wanted so maybe it was a bad idea to have the beard.

I was over the moon she remembered me and continued to tell me off as I said I would be back soon and it had taken me seven months, we sat together all night even thought every now and again she had to go and dance on the stage but she had eyes for me
and no one else, all her friends came over and sat down with me.

It was very impressive being surrounded by all the girls with people looking . It made me feel very important. The bell rang for last orders and she told me to wait outside for her while she got changed and we went back to my hotel. Now before
you all say any thing we didn't get down to anything as it was her time of the month and I am not into painting the sheets.

The morning came and I was sure she had got better looking since I was away . We went down stairs for breakfast (now when I say breakfast I get out of bed at about 2pm every day). We spent the whole of my holiday together and were getting
closer and closer I already knew she had a daughter and I asked if farang could meet daughter, (that statement was good for me as I got my brains fucked out just for asking, so as you might have guessed I asked again the next night.

I decided I wanted to see more of Thailand this time and thought seeing as though I am getting on with this girl I want to see where she was brought up. Now this was going to be the worst decision of my whole holiday.

The next day we go to the travel agents and book a flight for two people to go to Udon Thani, now call me naive but I thought I was paying for a holiday not just for the flight, its not the price I was worried about it was pretty cheap for them. I thought
I would be staying in a hotel at the other end not on some rice paddy plantation in a tin shed that I wouldn't even keep my car in over here.

The taxi picked us up and took us to Bangkok 2 1/2 hours then we waited an eternity for a flight, we got to the other end and got picked up by her uncle, it was pitch black so I couldn't see where we were going, we got to the town and we decided
to have something to eat. Yes you guessed it farang was paying for everybody who had made the journey to come and meet the farang first. Thankfully for me my lady friend didn't like me spending a lot of money so she chose a cafe where you
buy tickets at a kiosk and then go to an outlet and choose your food, it only cost me about 300 baht for 8 of us (did I mention I'm a tight arse).

This is the point were I was separated from my lady friend and had to sit with her uncle who couldn't speak much English. This is where the nodding and laughing routine came in handy. (you now what I mean if he nods you nod , if he laughs
you laugh), he could have been calling me anything I never knew, or cared, eventually we were summoned over to the female table and I was prodded and poked by the children, I now feel sympathy for animals in cages.

We went to the supermarket and did some shopping (I went thousands of miles on holiday and end up in Tesco) not my idea of a holiday but I got the essentials whisky and coke, coffee and toilet roll. Without knowing it I had spent another
1,000 baht on food to feed an army. Now this is sounding familiar to some of you seasoned guys.

We get on with our journey and its straight to the garage for petrol up steps farang again that will be 800 baht was the call from the attendant, I thought I was filling up a pickup not a bus. I asked how much further as I was sick of travelling
and wanted to get to the hotel so I could have a drink, I should have guessed by the laughter that I was in for a shock but it still didn't sink in.

After about half an hour we turned onto a dirt road, now as I have already said it was dark I couldn't see but the thing that gave it away was the fact that my head was bouncing off the roof.

We turned up at the plantation and got out, the females went into the kitchen, and the driver drove off and said I see you tomorrow. I went straight into the kitchen and asked my lady why the driver was going before he had dropped us off
at the hotel to which she replied we stay here. I asked where we sleep to which her brother replied we save best bed in house for you.

Now call me particular but I like my sleep on a night it refreshes me for the next day, I have had better beds in a tent. I also like my air-con in the hotel and I came to appreciate it more that night. I was sleeping under what I could only
call a rug and my pillow was 12 inches in circumference. I was screaming at my lady friend to get me to the nearest hotel only to be told there was nobody with a car to drive us back this late. I decided to do what any sane person would do and
as I recall to you I bought a bottle of whisky at Tesco lotus (well that came in handy) farang got pissed that night all on his own.

Now of course the inevitable happened I got that pissed it was time to go to the toilet, I had seen these squatting toilets before but had never used one but here goes pissed and trying to squat, believe me it took a while to get used to
it. It was really late now and I wanted a shower as I was sweaty, now I had been in the toilet and had seen the hole in the floor full of water but thought it was for washing your arse after going in the toilet. (How wrong I was). I asked my lady
friend where the shower was and when she told me it was next to the toilet I nearly threw up, could this holiday get any worse?

I decided against having a shower even though I had my lady friend telling me I stunk, there was no way I was washing in that stagnant water. Eventually it was time for me to go to bed, now at this time I wasn't bothered whether I was
sleeping on my own or not (you get like that after 3/4 of a bottle of whisky). My lady friend went in the bath / shower /hole in the ground. She joined me in bed after her shower even though I wished she never she was freezing cold from the water.

In the morning I woke up and told my lady friend to put the kettle on and make me my morning Nescafe, boy was I happy to have my Nescafe, I got out of bed and went outside there must have been two dozen people waiting for farang to get out
of bed so they could see one, they were enjoying there breakfast and in hand gesture language off one of the elders I got asked if I wanted breakfast. I looked down on the table outside which they were surrounding and saw plates full of black
food. (Now if you are eating stop reading now). It was only when one of the women moved her hands towards the food and all the flies moved that I could see the different colours but I was put off by then. I don't think I have met a westerner
who would have eaten anything off that table.

I was over the moon when the driver came back for us to take us to the airport (if I had banners made I would have had them up for him). We arrived at the airport and I got my first meal for ages I didn't care at that point that I was
paying for everyone I was just glad to be eating.

Now in all this time I haven't mentioned the whole point of going to this town and this house which was to meet her daughter, now what a wonderful child she was. She settled with me instantly.

Which got me to thinking has this child interacted with a farang before?

Now as with the majority of Thai stories on Stick's site there was a sting in the tail of this story, we went into the airport at Udon Thani and went to check in which is when I first found out that her daughter was returning with us
on the flight and is stopping at my hotel room for the last two days of my holiday. WHAT?

After a long wait for the plane eventually we were on our way to Bangkok only the baby had not flown before and of course didn't know its mam very well as it hadn't seen her that much and was brought up by sister. Eventually to
a round of applause buy people sitting near us I took over trying to settle the baby down and managed to get her off to sleep. (Not with a hammer but with fatherly techniques as I have had five children of my own in Farangland), but this only
got my lady friend upset that her baby wouldn't settle for her and would for farang.

I got back to civilization and instead of my usual night of getting down town and drinking I went straight for a well deserved shower. And got changed ready for town when my lady friend told me she was putting baby to bed. So I did what anyone
in my position would do I said see you later I was off for a drink.

Now the last 2 days of my holiday were baby related and not what I wanted at all but I grinned and bared it and am glad I did as my sex got better and more rampant as she really appreciated what I had done for her.

The time came for me to go to farang land but this time I let her and baby come to Bangkok to see me off it was another tearful send off for me but this time we exchanged e-mail addresses and telephone numbers.

I got back here in march and am getting ready to go back in June for her REAL birthday and every morning and every night I get a text message saying I love you and I miss you or good morning or good night. Now I am not supporting her or sending
her any money what so ever and I have to ask myself the same question again.





Time can only tell and round three is on its way but you will have to wait a while for that.


Stickman's thoughts:

Nah, she doesn't love you!

nana plaza