Readers' Submissions

Notification Of Membership Renewal To The PSSA

  • Written by PSSA
  • May 18th, 2005
  • 5 min read


Notifications Of Membership Renewal To The PSSA


Dear Mr. Dana Inamerica,

Thank you for your subscription fee of US$2,000 for the renewal of your membership of the PATTAYA STRAIGHT SNAKE ASSOCIATION. As you know the PATTAYA STRAIGHT SNAKE ASSOCIATION Board of Trustees meet annually during the month of May to discuss the Association’s continuing achievements in providing a sanukful and stimulating environment for our exclusive members while vacationing in Pattaya. This year was no exception of course, and Board members recently convened at the residence of the illustrious chairman, Mr. Randydoolittle and other distinguished members.

As you know, membership to our exclusive Association is not guaranteed, and apart from the modest membership fee, which is only a small token of our members’ appreciation for such a privilege, all members of our Association are requested to abide by the Rules and Regulations from the outset. These are clearly laid out in Sections A, B and C of the PATTAYA STRAIGHT SNAKE ASSOCIATION Membership Handbook which you were provided with in your PATTAYA STRAIGHT SNAKE ASSOCIATION Membership Package during your Application.

You should be reminded that, every year, we must accept or reject new or renewal applications based on the Rules and Regulations clearly laid out in Section A, B and C of the PATTAYA STRAIGHT SNAKE ASSOCIATION Membership Handbook, and we do this without exceptions. As laid out in Section D, Subsections (i) and (ii) of the Handbook, any breach of the Rules and Regulations as clearly laid out the PATTAYA STRAIGHT SNAKE ASSOCIATION Membership Handbook is regarded as unacceptable and is punishable by the deduction of one year’s annual subscription once the appropriate amount has been transferred to the Association’s Bank Account. Also, be reminded that in addition to the annual subscription deduction fee, any member in breach of Section A is likely to be punished by extraordinary means by well funded Associates.

You should also be reminded that; on an on-going basis the Association’s secretary, Miss Pooying, also known as the sexy tight-hipped Thai Queen, works 40 hours per week collecting new applications and presents these to Board members via email daily. These are processed immediately on-line, however, renewal applications, are only discussed once annually by Board members and these renewals are taken into consideration by the Board when it convenes during the month of May.

Lamentably, it has come to our attention that you have deliberately and unequivocally breached Section B (ii) of the PATTAYA STRAIGHT SNAKE ASSOCIATION Membership Handbook and we congratulate Stickman’s Investigations for providing us with such accurate and detailed information.

We therefore regret to inform you that your renewal application has been rejected due to the breach of Section B (ii) of the PATTAYA STRAIGHT SNAKE ASSOCIATION Membership Handbook and your annual subscription fee of US$2,000 will be retained as punishment. We cannot accept any breaches of Section A or Section B of our Rules and Regulations, and given that you have been a member of our Association for the last 12 years we are quite disgusted with your behaviour, and you really should be ashamed of yourself. However, breaches of Section C are subject to a special review in conjunction to investigations made by Stickman’s Investigations and Local Authorities sp as to ascertain the exact cause of such an incident that might put into question adherence to Section C. Nevertheless, according to section D of the PATTAYA STRAIGHT SNAKE ASSOCIATION Membership Handbook you may apply for renewal in 5 years time, but as stated, your renewal fee will be increased to US$10,000 but again, this will be open for discussion when the Board convenes in May, 2010, and only once the fee has been transferred to our Bank Account in Pattaya will your renewal be considered.

On behalf of the PATTAYA STRAIGHT SNAKE ASSOCIATION Board, we appreciate your contributions for the duration of your membership, but we must reiterate, that your behaviour has been deemed unacceptable to our Board, and quite simply, you are not considered to be worthy of further consideration. Nevertheless, we are willing to reconsider your applications once the US$10,000 fee has been transfer erred to the PSSA Bank Account before May 2010.

May we wish you a straighter future, and may you reassess your weaknesses and perversions.

PS. As a reminder, we provide you with the latest PSSA Rules & Regulations below. Please note any new amendments as of May 2005.

Kindest Regards,

Miss Pooying,
Secretary to the Board,
PATTAYA STRAIGHT SNAKE ASSOCIATION HQ,
Beach Road, Pattaya,
Thailand.

PSSA Handbook Rules & Regulations

Membership of the PSSA must adhere to the following Rules and Regulations without exception:

Section A:

(i) Members must never take an underage person to a hotel room or any other place with the intention of sexual encounters, which not only contravenes the Laws of the Kingdom and International Laws, but is seriously punishable by members of the Association.
(ii) Members should never cause harm or be complicit in causing harm to an under aged person according to the Laws of the Kingdom of Thailand or any other International Law.

Section B:

(i) Members must not be attracted to the same sex in any way. This includes persons of the same sex who are deemed to be ‘Lady Boys’ or transgender men.
(ii) Members must NEVER undertake the act of sodomy with a person of the same sex. This includes men who are deemed to be ‘Lady Boys’ or transgender men.
(iii) Members must not provide sexual stimulation to persons of the same sex, and must not receive sexual stimulation from persons of the same sex.

Section C:

(i) Members should treat the soliciting Bar Girls of the Kingdom with respect at all times and be generous at all times.
(ii) Members who physically abuse any of the Kingdom’s wonderful Bar Girls (or any other girls for that matter) will be seriously punishable by members of the Association, and by Laws of the Kingdom.

Section D:

(i) Any breach of Section A by any member will be punishable by the Association’s members without exception, and by the Laws of the Kingdom and International Laws.
(ii) Any breaches of Section B will be punishable by 1 year’s subscription fee and a 5 year ban to membership pending review after 5 years and a fee of US$10,000

Section E:

(i) After due consideration by Board Members this year, snakes of all lengths and sizes will be allowed membership as of May 2005. We welcome ALL members who adhere to our Rules & Regulations.

Stickman's thoughts:

Great entertainment. Shame on you, Dana!