Stickman Readers' Submissions April 26th, 2005

Strange Bar And Bedroom Tales

I love a rainy day occasionally, whip out all the photos and videos of my travels and sit back and relive the good and bad times. Funny how a single photo can bring back soo many memories……

Act 1 scene 1:

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My friend B was a recovering alcoholic, and he reckoned that if he could get through the whole Thailand trip without touching a drink he would be home safe. One night we found ourselves at a Go Go Bar in Soi Cowboy and B was sticking to his teetotalling
ways while I was quaffing down the beers. A new waitress appeared and took our order and B asked for a glass of water with ice. She asked (which I thought strange at the time) how much he wanted and he said he wanted a full glass. She left to
get the order with a strange look on her face. B was so busy chatting up the ladies that when his drink arrived he grabbed the glass and took a long pull. I happened to be watching him and saw his face change colour and his eyes bulge and the
"water" shot out in all directions. Turns out the waitress thought he said vodka and he duly got his full glass. Even after that episode he remained dry and is still to this day.

Scene 2:

Fon was a very different bar girl?? She worked at a beer bar in Pattaya that I had made my drinking hole for the stay. Not a beautiful girl by any means, but nice to talk to and whenever the bar was quiet, she would bring her English books over and study
by me. The Bar also had an in-house band who were very good, and Fon and I seemed to have that knack of being able to dance well together, almost seeming to read each others movements before they happened. I never saw Fon barfined in the 2 weeks
I was there, and that probably led to her and my predicament! Near the end of my stay, Fon's friend May asked if she could talk to me. Fon was apparently in danger of losing her work because she had not brought in a single lady drink or barfine
for the month. May asked me to please barfine Fon!! She begged me and I knew from the desperation in her voice and the look in Fon's eyes that this was not a scam. Very reluctantly I donned the shining armour and agreed. Their relief was
plainly visible. We had to now go through the motions of making it look realistic, even though my heart (and dick) was not into it. I paid BF and May made sure that the Mamasan witnessed the event. Unfortunately my hotel was directly across from
the bar and as every eye was on us we went in together.

Things started getting a bit strange by now, and I sensed that this was probably the first time Fon had even been into a hotel room. In the room I said to her that she was free to go but to wait a hour to make things look realistic. She however said she
wanted to go all the way, I sensed in a way to thank me. When she got naked, I saw with horror that her back was covered in scars, and they were obviously scars from several severe beatings with a cane or whip! Even the half hearted erection I
had faded at that sight. When I said that I could not go ahead, she started crying and pleaded with me that she wanted to do it. I eventually managed to get a semblance of a hard on but just feeling her lying rigid as a plank beneath me and her
pitiful attempt to moan and pretend she was enjoying herself made me pretend that I had popped even though I had not entered her properly. We both knew the truth. Fon kept her job.

I met Fon again on a later trip and did not recognise her. I was walking down another Soi, when I heard my name called and this person rushed over and hugged me. I could not believe what I saw, Fon had aged 10 years in one year!! I managed to force one
beer down at the bar she now managed, but things were different. I broke my promise to see her later that night as soon as I slid off the barstool.

Scene 3:

Na was a different story altogether although she also gave me a scare or six. Hands up all of you who have had a girl say she could give you a massage and then start moaning after 5 minutes that her hands were tired. Na told me she had worked at a massage
parlour before she came to the bar and boy was she right! I got the full works from toes to head with lots of clicking joints and limbs bent in unusually impossible positions. Afterwards it felt like I was walking on air! In sexual matters she
was just as enthusiastic, and halfway through our cavorting I realised that she was getting more and more moist. In the darkened room I put it down to my sexual prowess and outstanding stamina and technique:-)) Imagine my horror when we finished
and I felt my way to the bathroom and turned on the light. My whole groin area was covered in blood!! Na followed me in and seemed unfazed at my horror. She says it happens often when she makes love very vigorously or for long periods. I bolted
for the shower, firmly holding the condom onto my rapidly shrinking member and turned the spray on as hot as I could. Only when I was pretty certain that I had boiled all blood off me, did I allow the condom to come off and then scrutinise myself
for any nicks or cuts in my nether regions. This was definitely not just her time of the month, I have sailed the red sea before, but believe me there was blood and lots of it. Anybody still want to ride bareback??

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Scene 4:

Although my travel mate B and I always shared a double room, we had different schedules and therefore seldom did one intrude on the other when it came to room usage. I was the nocturnal hunter, and B preferred to stalk by day. However certain successful
kills often occurred at the same time and we had to share the room. B had seen me with my lady who I had decided to spend some time with at a beer bar. My lady was straight off the bus from Buriram, how did I know? Simple really, I personally
saw her being introduced to the Mamasan the previous night by her "sister" (aunt, cousin, real sister, one never really knows) and the veterans had all done their interrogation of her and confirmed she was a new girl. Apart from that
she was shaking life a leaf with nervousness! Kai was a real sweetie and I still think of her to this day and could write a whole submission on her alone. When we got to the room we found that B had reeled in his catch of the day already and the
2 of them were doing the post coital Zzzzzzs. Kai at first did not want to enter, but I assured her that there was no problem and that we would be very quiet. We had brought a whole box of condoms from home with us (100 originally, about 50 left)
and B and his lady had lain them out on my bed in the shape of a big heart. As Kai looked at this I thought my hopes for the night were over, also B and his lady had woken up. Then a smile came to her face and pointing to the condoms she said
"one more". A veteran was born!

You are probably wondering how being fresh from the farm she knew English? Well her "sister" is married to a Farang and she spent a few months staying with them. Her and B's companion did the usual chat and seemed to come from the same
area, so things between the 4 of us relaxed very quickly and before you knew it the 2 beds were earning their keep in unison. After a long session B's lady finally pulled the sheet back and said "OK Tea Time". You had to be there
to appreciate it and the way she said it.

Scene 5:

Opo was a wonderfully crazy girl. Sexy because of her zaniness and lovely laugh. B was bonking her friend and because I enjoyed her company, I would pay bar so that Opo could join us on our outings and she was always a pleasure to have along and provided
us with hours of laughter. Her English was very limited, but we amazingly understood each other through signage and my limited knowledge of Thai. Opo had perfected one line of English which was "It is not my fault" and she used this
line whenever there seemed to be a problem. We had been saving a good bottle of red wine for a special occasion, and one night the bar started pumping and the girls all got into the party mood. We brought out the bottle of wine and Opo insisted
that she wanted to try it. I tried to tell her that this was not the same as a wine cooler, it was stronger, but Opo was at that stage bullet-proof and insisted we give her a glass full. She knocked it back in 2 slugs and asked for another. This
followed the first one down and she climbed onto the bar counter to dance. B and I were watching her closely and could see the exact moment when the wine kicked in and together with all the other drinks she had had the outcome was inevitable.
B managed to catch her as she tumbled off the bar and as I was expecting this to happen, I had my camera ready. The photo was a classic! All Opo said time and time again was "It is not my fault, it is not my fault". The strange thing
was that with all her charms, I had also never seen Opo barfined. I tried once but she declined, saying she only went with ladies. She did however rake in more than her share of lady drinks, so that probably kept her going. We sat Opo down in
a safe place and went on with our party after which I caught another lovely and went back to the room. After showering, we had barely started getting intimate when the phone rang and it was reception. I could plainly hear Opo's voice in the
background and the receptionist asked if Opo could come up. I was in a bit of a dilemma, the lady with me was giving me strange looks and although I would loved to have had Opo, I had to decline. She was very sheepish the next day and obviously
nursing a hangover of major proportion. Chance lost, but maybe it was better that way. She remained a good friend and never touched wine again!

Scene 6:

Wan had me totally fooled! She came over to our table at a Nana Go-Go Bar and fitted in easily with the crowd of us. She was polite and laughed at our genial banter and listened intently when something serious was said, not talking much but nodding at
the correct time and never interrupting or pushing for lady drinks. My friend B had lost his wife in a car crash 6 months previously and was using this trip as a salve to get over his depression. I was explaining to Wan why B did not drink and
what happened to his wife, when to my amazement she burst out laughing and clapped her hands! It was then that I realised that she did not understand a single word of English and had been judging our smiles or serious looks and reacting on them.
She had done it so well for over an hour and used the appropriate gestures that I was amazed. When she realised her faux pas, explained by a friend who could understand English, her loss of face was enormous! I really felt sorry for her squirming
in shame and embarrassment, and it took a long time (through her friend) to reassure her that we had not taken offence. The positive spin-off was that she wanted to make amends and go back to the hotel with me. B in the meantime disappeared, and
it was only 2 hours later that he came back. He had apparently met a lady and being a newbie had taken her back to our hotel without realising the cost implications. After being ripped 400 Baht for a return taxi, having to pay 2,500 Baht for "additional
guest" fee and a starfish shag which cost another 2,500 baht ST, his Japanese eyes were caused by a monetary pain grimace rather than any Eastern breeding. When NEP closed that night, Wan waited outside for me and as I asked was wearing "good
girl" clothing. I asked the taxi to stop about 50m from my hotel, showed Wan my room number and indicated that that she must follow a bit behind me. In this aspect she turned out to be natural actress! I walked in and greeted the doorman
and headed for the lifts. In the mirrors in the lobby, I could see Wan enter as casually as a paying guest (and looking like one) and head straight for the lifts as well. She was even wai'ed by the receptionist! The next morning she just
as casually strolled out without even attracting a suspicious look.

Oh well, rains over, sun is out… time for a few beers.

Stickman's thoughts:

Opo, what an odd name.

nana plaza