Readers' Submissions

My First Bargirlfriend Part 5

  • Written by Ben Dover
  • April 4th, 2005
  • 19 min read

By Ben Dover in the LOS


Like before…As they used to say on Dragnet, “The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Here is their story.”

For those of you who are new to my saga, do yourselves a favor and go and read parts 1 through 4 as they are rather funny and entertaining. You will definitely have a good read.

Here are the first 4 parts for those of you who are just tuning in to the story and the first 3 parts, especially, are very funny, as I have been told by numerous Stick respondents to my previous posts in my bargirl saga:

My first BarGirlFriend Part 1 http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/Reader/reader1418.htm

My first BarGirlFriend Part 2 http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/Reader/reader1420.htm

My first BarGirlFriend Part 3 http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/Reader/reader1436.htm

My first BarGirlFriend Part 4 http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/Reader/reader1563.htm

Ok, back to current events…

Several Stick readers responded to my recent My First BarGirlFriend Part 3 posting and told me that I should I bring her to America to be with me…

Well, I have been thinking about doing just that, bringing her into the country to live with me for a while, but I am NOT going to get married to her!!!

Actually, I am moving to Thailand in a few months. So, even if I get the visa for her, we would return to Thailand right at the cut-off for her fiancée visa, because we have to get married within 90 days or she must go back according to U.S. immigration rules.

I am not worried about her getting the visa because she was only a bargirl for a very short time and I already have her police registration, which shows no nefarious activity. Also, there is a bargirl registry and she is not on that either. So, I believe that it is best to probably not reveal that fact, if I even decide to bring her here to be with me.

I have made it clear that if I were to bring her in, that it would be purely for the purpose of getting to know her while we live together for a short while.

First, because of the way in which we met…she was a bargirl and I was a customer, I do not really know if I will ever be able to truly trust her 100%. But I will NEVER risk my considerable financial investments to some girl from a country where the per capita income is about $2,190/year when I make more than 100 times that amount. So, I have told her that when I move to the LOS, that she will NOT live with me, and will NOT have a key to my apartment, either. She seemed slightly bummed by this, but she understands my point.

Now some Stick readers are going to think that I might be very cruel. They might think this because I may be bringing this poor farm girl to live with me here in America and she will, no doubt, see many things that she never imagined. Not so much because she will coming to America, but also because she will see the manner in which I live, which is most assuredly, on the much higher end of the U.S. income scale. She will see what it is like, not to live as an ordinary middle-class American, but instead what life is like when one can afford to pay off all his bills monthly, pay cash for cars, eat out at nice restaurants for every meal and travel everywhere. I think that her head will probably be spinning from the first moment that she steps into my house and she will think that she is in a dream world to have hooked up with a guy who is definitely NOT living a middle-class lifestyle.

So, I know what some of you are thinking right now, “So where is the problem?”

Well, there are several major problems with this scenario. Yes, I agree that she very well may feel like Julia Roberts (only my BarGirlFriend looks much hotter), who played a prostitute in the movie Pretty Woman or perhaps she will more likely feel like Cinderella.

But these feelings that she will probably get about the ‘shining knight on a white horse’ fantasy may not be a good thing, because there is always the distinct possibility that things may not work out forever. Just as most relationships do not end up with marriage vows, ours may suffer from the same fate. And that is the first major problem…

When people enter into relationships, everyone thinks and hopes that they each might be with ‘The One’, but most relationships do not work out forever. That is what dating is for…to find the right person for you. When I used to date American girls that would not be a problem, because that girl would already know what life is like in a first world country and it is no big deal to her. But my sexy little vixen will be transfixed on seeing all of the Mercedes, Ferraris, BMWs, etc as well as the multi-million dollar mansions. A life like that is just beyond comprehension for all but the most wealthy and educated Thai girls. And even most of those girls are blithering, uneducated idiots, as far as knowing what the world is really like outside of Thailand.

Now I do not want to act like I am God’s gift to women, because I am most certainly not, however, I do very much respect and honor women and I take VERY good care of all of the girlfriends that I have ever had in my life. Many of them told me after we broke up that I was a really great guy and that they were sad that things did not work out. So I guess that you could say that I am a pretty nice guy who is also rather generous. I realize that this sometimes, is not a good character trait to have in the LOS, but I never lose my head as far as that is concerned anyway.

So, would it be fair of me to bring a girl like that into my, rather comfortable world, and show her what the American dream is all about, only to later risk breaking up with her and breaking her heart on a nearly catastrophic level? She will feel like she had the brass ring, and then lost it. She will feel like a colossal loser in life. She will have lost face amongst her friends and family who know me and know of our relationship.

And further, even though she had a rather short stint as a bargirl, she has nonetheless learned rather rapidly, how really shitty many farangs can be as far as lying, treating girls like crap, and being ‘cheap Charlie’, goes. She will know, if we ever break up, that the chance of her ever meeting another guy like me will be rather slim to none. Not impossible mind you, but rather staggering odds against meeting another guy like me. And that would crush me, knowing that she would feel like she will never have a life like that again, and that she would forever re-analyze and rethink every mistake that she may have made and would constantly be analyzing her past actions and words and would blame herself forever for the break up, even if we just were not right for each other, or even if it was my fault for the break up. Difficult to stomach for a man with a conscience…

So do, I break up with her now? Even though things are going terrific between us? Tough question.

So here is the next dilemma in the relationship right now. If she comes here to stay with me on the fiancée visa as we call it here in the U.S., then it will only be for 90 days…and then she will have to go back to Thailand…and so will I!!! Yes, I am planning to move to the LOS, perhaps forever, because I have enough money to live there and never work again.

So, what’s the problem, right? Well, I have also told her, that when we move back to Bangkok, that I will NOT live with her, while I am in Bangkok. I cannot, and should not, do that for several reasons.

Firstly, I am by no means getting ready to marry, or even thinking about marrying this girl, so that is too premature. It is just that, if we are to have any semblance of a future relationship together, I realize that she MUST get a taste of what life is like in Farangland, because I may move back here one day in the future, and I want her to see if she can be comfortable here as far as our culture goes and that is why I want to bring her here for a little taste of what 1st world living is really like. Probably stupid of me to wonder if she can be ‘comfortable’ living in a million dollar home and eating out every day. She’ll probably be thinking, “Jeez, sure…I’ll take it…where do I sign?”

Second, because of my not being able to fully trust her and know her true long term intentions, then I always feel like I have to watch my back…and my wallet. This distrust is almost 100% due to my ‘friends’ advice about bargirls, rather than what I have directly witnessed via her actions and words.

So this makes me feel like it might be OK for me to be a kid in a candy store, when I return to the beloved LOS. I know that although my honey is a true model-like stunner, that I can still always find many other equally beautiful women who might be just as apt, perhaps even more so, to strike up a beautiful relationship with a guy like me. And I have read so many horror stories about bargirls who go psycho in farangs' apartments at even the slightest hint of an indiscretion on the man’s part, that there is NO way that I would to allow that crap to happen to me, or my apartment if she lived there with me AND had a key to the place. It is just not a good move. I am not saying that I will, or even want to, cheat on my girl. But most relationships do end at some point other than marriage and I would rather prefer to move smoothly right into another relationship without having too much baggage, if any!

So she will go from living in the lap of luxury (not Thai luxury, but American luxury!), back to her small, 2,000 baht/month, 1 room studio apartment with a squat toilet and no furniture (she sleeps on a mat on the floor), that is located at the end of long dark hallway illuminated by one 40 watt light bulb, in a building at the end of dark alley that I affectionately think of as a shit-hole, instead of what it is to her…a ‘home’. Talk about crashing hard… I swear that her building looks like something out of the movie Midnight Express as it appears to me like she is living in a Turkish prison.

There are truly some mind-boggling differences between her life there and my life here in America, that truly defy imagination and logic and all sense of fairness. But as my parents told me countless times when I was growing up, “Life ain’t fair, Ben.”

The way I look at it, as the old phrase goes, ‘Nothing ventured, nothing gained.’ And also, by bringing her here, even if it is only for 90 days or less, she will at least have her eyes opened to what the world can really be like. That there are more things to think about than being relegated a dirt poor, shitty life in a 3rd world country and that there ARE ways ‘out’ of that seemingly, futile predicament called Thai life.

Now, let’s assume that everything works out fine between my honey and myself. What if we actually were to get married, then what would happen? Well, first of all, I have been down that road before and trust me when I say that paying out over 6 figures, in cash, at a divorce settlement is NOT an easy thing to do…especially in light of the fact that I earned the vast majority of the money in my marriage. So, that is another problem in my future with my BarGirlFriend. How do I get married and still protect my assets? Good question.

Well, basically laws in America, especially, California, are tilted VERY heavily in the favor of the person who earned the least amount of money. Sufficed to say, the primary wage earner in my next marriage to a Thai girl will probably be me and NOT my 95 pound, olive-skinned princess. So, therefore I must be VERY careful so as to protect my assets. There is also another reason that I will NOT marry my BarGirlFriend if she comes with me here to America on a 90 day fiancée visa and that is for the reason of legitimacy. You see, if I were to have my BarGirlFriend sign a pre-nuptial agreement (which I will insist on for any future marriage), then the U.S. government, like a bunch of friggin’ jackasses, thinks that the marriage might not be for love and might not be legitimate and might void the marriage and send her back to Thailand, even if we ARE actually in love!!!

So, if this girl is willing to agree that she does not want any of my money, and wants to take care of me, and that she only loves me and wants to be with me knowing full well that she will get nothing if we divorce, then the U.S. government thinks that it is a sham marriage and that we are only doing this so that she can emigrate to the U.S.!!! What a bunch of retards!!! Go figure.

Therefore, the only way to safely marry a Thai girl, if you are an American, and the only way to truly protect yourself (your assets) is to have an airtight, iron-clad, rock-solid pre-nuptial agreement drawn up by an American attorney (familiar with divorce law in the state in which you reside), and then to take it with you to Thailand and insist that she review it by an English speaking attorney that SHE finds herself, and also have the document translated into Thai by an official accredited Thai translation company, and then also have it ALSO reviewed and explained to her by a Thai attorney (that she ALSO finds herself), so that she will FULLY 100% understand what she is signing and can never go back and say that she did not know what she was doing because she was a poor uneducated farm-girl who cannot speak English. And then, to totally cover your ass(ets), when she signs it, make sure that she signs it in front of a notary from your farang country.

Then, I would have to live in Thailand for another year while the paperwork got processed to bring my wife back to the states to live with me. Then the U.S. government would know that I really wanted to marry her for love, but that I also wanted to protect myself ‘just in case’. Plus, this way, I have the opportunity to live with her for a couple of years first to see if things will work out.

This way, you always have a virtually pain-free ‘out’ of the situation if things start to turn for the worse. Even if she turns into a money-grubbing, snake years later who only wanted you for the money, you will have gotten bonked countless times by a sexy, hot Thai P.Y.T (pretty young thing).

Also, while you are married, if your Thai princess ever starts acting up like a bitch or starts complaining like a farang woman or stops giving you great sex, you can directly remind her of what a shitty life that you are more than willing to send her back to on the next plane to Bangkok. Tell her how much fun she will have again by being forced to return to ‘fucking strangers for money’ or rather how she will be forced to return to a life of fucking fat, smelly, beer gutted farangs and I am sure that will turn her stomach at the mere mention of having to go back to that lifestyle. This is especially powerful if you remind her that now that she is a few years older and that it would be difficult for her to ever find another decent man such as yourself because she is almost ‘over the hill’ at age 25. Asian girls think that they are getting very old when they are in their mid-twenties, so this one should also work like a charm. Then, tell her how much face that she will lose with her friends and family because she could not even satisfy a farang man and had to get divorced. Then tell her how pissed that her family will be that she lost her ‘meal ticket’ to a life of financial freedom.

If all else fails, then drop the A-bomb on her…tell her, “Remember honey, a few years ago, before we got married, you signed that funny contract called a pre-nuptial agreement? Well, that little document that you signed means that you will be going back home with the shirt off of your back and nothing more. Because it says that if we get divorced, that you get NOTHING!!!!!!!!” Then ask her, “So honey, which one do you want? Do you want to keep having great sex with a great guy, live a wonderful life filled with luxury in million dollar home, travel, buy whatever you want (I mean personal items within reason), and have a great future? Or do you want to take a peek what is behind door number 2 and peer through the crystal ball back at your past, before you met me, and go back to a life of sharing a tiny, 1 room studio apartment with 2 other bargirls and having to shit in a squat toilet again?” Jeez, tough choice… <Believe it or not, some Thai girls would prefer door number 2, really!Stick>

But, if your cute little bargirl turns out to be a total psycho anyway after you bring her back to Farangland, file for divorce, buy a ticket to Asia, then dump her ass off at the nearest airport. And before the ink is dry on your divorce papers you can be back on a plane headed towards the LOvS (Land Of Vertical Smiles) and within 24 hours, you can be once again snuggling up with a soft-skinned, Asian beauty.

Or better yet, fly back on the same plane with her, but make her ride in the cattle car section while you ride in the lap of luxury in business class or first class. On the way to the airport, tell her how great it is to sip champagne on the 19 hour trip, sleep on the lie-flat seats, watch, play and pause your movies on demand, while she cannot even recline her seat back more than 6 inches!!!

However, if things start getting out of hand very quickly and you need a quick out, then here is what I suggest: Simply tell your girl that you really miss Bangkok (which is probably true at that point if the relationship if she has turned into a farang wannabe mega-bitch) and tell her that you want to take her back there and live in Thailand together. To this she will most likely readily agree because she will most likely miss her friends and family.

Then move there as quickly as possible and then live with her for 6 months over in Thailand again. Do not forget, that once again, she will become just another number in a seemingly endless sea of Asian beauties and she will KNOW that. Suddenly, you seem to be a much nicer guy than all of the other punter assholes that she starts to meet again. And she will know that every night, you can have the 'pick of the litter' among Asian sex pots who are younger and better looking than she is!!! Then she will most likely straighten up again…but you do not care, because after 6 months and 1 day, you will be divorcing that bitch in a hurry…according to Thai laws and NOT American laws. Basically, this means that she gets jack shit, you get to keep your shit, and then as icing on the cake, you get to start nailing hot Thai girls again. Not a bad deal at all.

So as the wise Caveman said to me in a recent reply to Part 4 “We can't just go living our lives thinking that every woman is out to get us, right? Not unless you intend to live alone……..forever. We can't live our lives in a bunker. So that means that somewhere along the line you have to take a chance.

And I agree, because life is all about calculated risks. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow…and I would rather prefer that I died with a big smile on my face because the night before I got laid by this super hot, little, Asian, sex machine who ‘maybe’ really wanted to love me and take care of me…and if she didn't really love me, then the night before I died I STILL got laid by a super hot, little, Asian, sex machine anyway!!!

Life is grand…

So, is it fair of me to bring her to America? Absolutely!!! But, will I bring her to America? I still do not know…

Coming up in My First BarGirlFriend Part 6, I will be exploring our experiences with the Thai medical system. I know that this may seem not to relate to this story, but it most certainly does!

Stickman's thoughts:

Shades of The Director's excellent series here. Good stuff! Part 6 sounds good, but I think part 7 will be better.

Just one thing I disagree on though. While 99.9% of Westerners would rather live in your palace than a studio apartment in Thailand, many Thais would see it differently. Really! Some would like that lifestyle – a lot of them would love it for the face gained – but many would rather be back in a small room surrounded by their friends, and all things Thai.